tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91971386718300461322024-02-20T08:38:43.139+01:00NOT ONLY GAYA new blog in order to read gay stories or short novels. This is not a porno site, it wants to speak about real things, real feelings and real life. Gay life is real life, irreducible in formulasPROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-75618295633988059812021-05-18T14:57:00.001+02:002021-05-18T14:57:07.753+02:00FREE GAY LOVE SEEN FROM THE OTHER SIDE<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">Hi Project,</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">I’m 34 years old and for the first time I fell in love with a guy. I've been with several guys and had sex with them but I wasn't really in love with them, but a little over a year ago I fell in love with a guy and it's a completely different thing. Before my first and real falling in love I used to think about what I could have from those guys, while now I think about what I can do for the guy I’m in love with, I’m not looking for a reciprocation from him also because that reciprocation already exists, and is also superabundant, without my asking, at least for the moment, however I'm really happy that there is someone like him. He’s not a saint, he has his faults, sometimes he treats me roughly but with love, at least I think so. He doesn’t make calculations on feelings, he isn’t hypocritical, I found him close to me every time I needed him, he took me seriously right away, three things about him won me over, intelligence, respect for others and immediacy.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">He’s a handsome guy, but that is not the note that characterizes him, there are many beautiful guys. He had a difficult life and has a singular ability to penetrate the human soul, to read the feelings of his interlocutor. He doesn’t judge, he doesn’t condemn, he needs to understand, he’s capable of loving in an adult way which for me means in a non-possessive way, he has always left me completely free, he has never forced me, not even in the most light od adulatory way. He doesn’t try to put into practice a code of behavior learned from pornography, but pays attention to his boyfriend, or rather to the guy he is with at that moment and tries to understand him, to go in his direction.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">He knows that I’m in love with him and he isn’t afraid or seems not to be afraid that my love for him could be a brake for him. He knows that he is loved for who he is and not for what he does or could do, that there are no conditions of any kind. He knows that I only expect spontaneity from him, without obligations of any kind, and that is why we love each other, it is our choice from moment to moment. The choice of being together as a couple is always reversible, that of loving and respecting each other is absolutely irreversible. He’s the type of man I like, and I’m not just talking about the physical, a guy like him is a model to follow, yet he’s a person who has his frailties, his insecurities. He is not a model of courage or fortitude or even of consistency, but he is a model of balance, in him I find everything I need, or almost: the compliance and the ability to stop me and say no, the common sense in decisions, the patience but up to a certain point, and above all the sweetness, the total absence of aggression, which is something that I appreciate very much.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">He told me that he wasn't like that before, that he used to snap, that he reacted very badly but then he changed when we started being together because he saw that I never got angry with him, and then he says that now he is not aggressive because he feels pacified inside. We have never actually quarreled, we have never raised our voices. He wanted me and I didn't even understand why, he really wanted me, or rather me too, not just me, but neither of us ever thought of abandoning the other, at least that's what I think.</span></div><p><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /></p><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">There is an unwritten rule between us: neither of us asks the other about questions concerning his sex life beyond our relationship, this doesn't mean we don't talk about other relationships, if we can to call them so, that we have or have had, we talk about such things spontaneously if we like, but if we want to keep our private we can also keep it for ourselves and nothing will collapse. In reality we talk or rather we have talked a lot about such things and there have never been jealousies either on his part or on my part. I know that he has had and perhaps has other guys as well, he has never hidden it from me. The only problems (and they are not small problems) arise for the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases but on his honesty on this point I would put my hand on the fire. When he had some doubts he told me and we didn't see each other until he took the test, currently he doesn't talk about other guys anymore, I don't know if there are still other guys in his life, but I would be inclined to think that there are none. He knows that I've only had no other guys than him for four years now, and he's okay with that.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">I had never desired the presence of a guy as I desire his, perhaps it's for sex, I don’t deny it, but more than anything it’s also for that form of wordless complicity that grows up on the sexual ground, for that immediate and reciprocal understanding, for that knowing each other thoroughly and trust each other. When we meet, which, after all, still happens a single day a week now, we dedicate a lot of time to sex and the bare minimum to sleep and eat. Generally we are unable to talk seriously in those situations, it is as if sex was an automatic thing and talking to each other was much less so, when we separate it is the worst moment, but not in the sense that we are sorry to separate, because we got used to it, but in the sense that we never fix an appointment for the next time and not because it’s something obvious, but precisely because it is not at all. An appointment is a constraint, a point of reference, let's say a limit to freedom, and we must mutually guarantee our freedom, today we are together, but it is not taken for granted that we will be together again next weekend.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">If there is one thing I lack in my contact with him, it is precisely the fact of speaking without fear, I mean fear of breaking the rule of freedom. If I told him "I love you!" somehow I would give the impression of wanting to tie him to the fact that I love him, demanding something in return. I miss his daily presence, the conversation about banalities. We hardly ever talk to each other during the week and we only see each other on Saturday nights. I would also like to do trivial things with him, I would like to share everyday life, but I don’t miss it for objective and external reasons, I miss it because I’m afraid that trying to share all aspects of everyday life could shift the axis of our relationship a little from sex, which now is the very center of it, and I don't know if he really wants such a thing.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">When I'm with him a reflection comes to my mind, the statements made in words have a general value, they are like theorems, on the contrary sex is a physical, concrete thing, it is the application of some of those theorems to a particular case, this means that exceptions matter more than rules. Sex doesn’t obey general rules, it’s absolutely subjective, it concerns our relationship with a single person and in a precise moment, it’s not repeatable, it’s not generalizable, it’s not predictable. The variables are so numerous and so little known that in the end one has to put aside all projections and predictions.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">Many consider sex as a way to understand another person, but in reality when you truly experience sex with another person, you realize the complexity of sexuality and its substantially incomprehensible dimension. In the end, I don't even know what pushes me to live my sexuality with him, how can I understand what pushes him to be with me? With me and not with another guy, at least at that moment. And even if I can say that there is real sharing and reciprocal transport, spontaneity is anyway held back. It is never possible to truly understand your partner's desires and limitations. Hence the uncertainty, the tendency to slow down not to rush too much, the sense of limit, and this could be one of the reasons that makes our relationship stable anyway.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">It is beautiful when we meet on Saturday, they are moments of enthusiasm, sexual harmony is there, but it is very difficult to go further, and then when we separate, the days of waiting begin every time, days that are of real solitude, in practice long pauses between two days of life, empty days, in which a thousand thoughts come to the surface, days in which I think that what I want is something else, that I would like to see him happy to be with me every day, I wish I could wake up and find him next to me, I would like to prepare breakfast for him, I would like - it seems a paradox - even to argue with him in a strong and aggressive way and then make peace, and instead there is the fear of making mistakes, of exceeding our own rules, and so nothing is said, because there is always the doubt: would or wouldn’t he be willing to build a different relationship, more affective, I don't say less sexual, but just more affective?</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">I feel the detachment between the moments of sexual participation in which he is totally involved and the much colder after-sex moments, in which we never joke and talk very little, almost as if we thought "both of us" that we have done something that basically we shouldn't have done. I have observed over the months that there have been changes in our sexual relations. At the beginning the limits were very tight: no pampering that tastes too much like affectivity, but only sex and nothing else, he didn't want me to run my hands through his hair or touch his beard, then slowly he overcame these things, now he allows me to caress him, but he doesn't do the same with me, if the caresses are explicitly sexual then he accepts them, but if they are simple gestures of affection, I have to be careful not to insist too much because it might bother him.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">It's not that we don't love each other, but I think he's not used to affectionate gestures, that those things somehow frighten him, that he feels them as something aggressive, too free, not codified, that he feels them as an attempt to create an obligation, a close bond, capable of taking away or restricting his freedom. The small changes I've noticed in the way we have sex make me think that something is really changing, but I don't deny, Project, that I'm not at all sure things will move forward in this direction. He can't bear to be told that he is a handsome guy, he is almost annoyed by it, he considers these speeches a parody of the speeches a guy uses to seduce a girl. When he talks about us he never uses the word love but only the word sex. But one thing I wonder, but if he is really just looking for sex, why did he choose me? He could have found so many guys better than me, who wouldn’t have created problems of any kind and would have easily adapted to his way of seeing things. And it's not even a problem of exclusive choice, he knows very well that he’s free to go with another guy too, but if he doesn't, as I believe, even if he claims the freedom to be able to do it, in the end he must have a serious motivation.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">He tells me that I stimulate him a lot sexually, but in my opinion it's something that doesn't really have any foundation. In sex it’s me the one who follows him and not the opposite. I thought he might really like me because I hardly ever say no to him, and try to understand him. When I see him sad or distant I feel really bad and I think he has noticed it. When we have sex, he’s completely involved. I had never seen guys so involved in sex. In those situations he totally trusts me and seems absolutely and deeply participatory, but after sex he looks like another person, he gets dark, becomes more aggressive in his ways, more ironic, but with a bitter ironic, not towards me but towards himself.</span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"> </span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;">I have a fundamental doubt, now things are like this and I think that the problem lies in the distance and in the fact that we see each other one day a week, the solution, in theory, would be to try to change jobs and to be able to really live with him. For him it is undoubtedly more difficult than for me, then I could also try to change jobs and move to his city, but I would have to sell my house, for which I still have to pay several years of mortgage, and move to his house, but he proposed it to me only in a very vague and probably unconvinced way, and I don't know if it is really what he would like, but I wonder if this living together, instead of making things improve by sharing everyday life, it cannot actually undermine that relationship that now exists and that maybe is based right on the fact that we are 150 km away and that we are both free anyway. Honestly, I don't know how to make a decision, going on as has happened up to now is an unsatisfactory option, but the other option, that is to bet everything on coexistence, I fear it could even be destructive. What do you think about?</span></div>
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<p>______________________</p>
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<p>If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</p>
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<p><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-free-gay-love-seen-from-the-other-side">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-free-gay-love-seen-from-the-other-side</a></p>
<!--/wp:paragraph-->PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-72853676603307281422021-05-06T16:34:00.003+02:002021-05-06T16:37:58.648+02:00CHRONICLE OF AN ANNOUNCED GAY DISASTER<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">at least I think they understood it, no one has ever talked about it, neither us nor them, but they should have understood it, I think. Among the friends there are some very outgoing, both guys and girls, and some a little more reserved. I and my "companion" we are radically secular, I mean that we are not believers, the Church seems to us something completely foreign and even hostile. With this Pope, perhaps a little less, but it is still a world very far from our way of seeing things. In the group of friends there are also Catholics, let's say so "normal" that is without too much enthusiasm but who still recognize themselves in those environments, but there is also a guy, whom I will call Paul here (because he always mentions St. Paul!) With whom the speech, both on my part and on the part of my "partner" has always been very difficult. He had had a girlfriend for years, always known in a Catholic environment. I would like to make a premise: my "companion" and I don’t feel Catholics but we don’t hate anyone and don’t have radically secular and priest-eating presuppositions. We also met priests worthy of the utmost respect, I mean worthy of the utmost respect even from non-believers like us, because in the end what matters is not what you say but what you do. I say this to clarify that we don’t have a spirit of repulsion towards all Catholic circles, because saying Catholic can mean everything and the opposite of everything, as on the other hand also saying gay can mean everything and the opposite of everything.</span></span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I go back to Paul. Ever since I met him, Paul has shown me a kind of detachment, let's say of splendid isolation. There was also talk, every now and then, but only about trivial issues, he, in the group, had his friends, the most radically Catholic ones, and since he had heard me say my opinion and didn’t like what I said, he kept me at a distance, but it was only he who behaved like that, with his "Catholic" friends I had an excellent relationship, we joked and talked about everything, with him no, the dialogue was minimal and limited to obvious things, he did not mix with those whose thoughts were more or less different from his opinions. Then my partner joined the group and Paul had a minimum relationship with him, because my partner is much more prudent than me, and having understood immediately who Paul was, he was careful not to say what he thought. My partner considered Paul a somehow closed guy, a little fixated on religion, but all in all a "pretty nice" guy. With our group of friends we didn't say we were a gay couple, I think most of the friends didn't care about it, so we didn't talk about it, but we had with each other a behavior a bit too loose to be just a couple of friends. Paul always came with his girlfriend but he did things that I didn't understand and that bothered me, he scolded his girl in public for things that seemed completely meaningless to me, he silenced her by making her look stupid,</span></span></div><div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="mycode_size" style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;">I asked myself why the girl tolerated all this, if I had done with my partner the tenth part of what Paul did with his girl, my partner would have made me fly out of the window. One day we begin to talk about life as a couple, "normal" Catholic friends said things that were all in all acceptable or almost even for me and my partner, but those things at a certain point triggered Paul who left in a hurry against a girl who dared to argue that premarital experiences are fundamental and can avoid "bad marriages". Paul jumped at the very expression “wrong marriages” and began to quote Saint Paul. At which my partner and I exchanged a look of understanding, as if to say: "But this really comes from the Moon!" Then the girl told him that one must not passively suffer the attitudes of parents and at this point Paul got really warm saying that "honor your father and mother" is a commandment and that we must never forget it, etc. etc.. A girl said to him: "if my mother wants to meddle with my business and wants to tell me what guy I have to put up with, I can't sit and listen to her ruining my life, she has had her life, mine is mine!" Then Paul slipped on the gay topic and said really absurd things, that straight couples must be "serious" because they have to collaborate in God's plan by putting children into the world and they cannot do "like gays" who only think about "having fun". This expression really got on my nerves, I exchanged a knowing look with my partner and then I said to Paul: “Do you realize what a nonsense you are saying? But do you have gay friends? " He looked at me and said, "I've never had gay friends!" and I said to him: “No! It's not true! You have a gay friend and it's me!" My partner intervened and said:" You have two gay friends, the other is me!" Project, you won't believe it, but Paul thought we had agreed to make fun of him and he didn't believe in the slightest that we were gay… for him, gays are just another zoological species. Then, carried away by his incredulity, the others also considered our declaring ourselves as a way of making fun of Paul. All this happened about two years ago. For a few months now, things have changed a bit, Paul considers my partner and me to be two jokers friends, but 100% straight, otherwise he would never have accepted our friendship, but we had the opportunity to talk to him even a little more seriously. Project, my partner and I are really thinking that Paul may be gay. He always goes around with the girl behind him, or rather in tow, but I see our straight friends what behavior they have with their girls, well Paul's behavior is totally different: never a caress, a cuddle, but never even a nice word for the girl, who evidently doesn't count for anything in Paul's world, or rather counts as something that brings him back to a heterosexual model, with whom, however, it is evident that he has nothing to do. My straight friends, both guys and girls also talk about sex, they don't talk too much about it but it happens and they talk about it as the most obvious thing in the world, Paul never talks about it, he avoids the topic in a systematic way. The others talk about homosexuality as well. In Paul's speeches the words: gay or homosexual never appear, not even by mistake and the call to religion is only seen in terms of restraint and limitation, never in terms of liberation or enthusiasm. I talked about it with my "partner" and we came to the conclusion that we could "maybe" tell him about us, assuming something that wasn't granted at all, that is that he was able to understand that our statement was not a joke. We also tried, but every time he noticed that something like this was about to happen he disappeared immediately. My partner and I don’t go to church, but a couple of our friends who go to the parish instead told us about a sermon given by one of the priests who said that “marriage is the remedy for concupiscence” but did not refer the speech to straight people, as usually, but he generalized it by saying that “marriage is also the remedy for homosexuality”, an expression that manifests the most radical ignorance in matters of sexuality. The couple of our friends who were present had the impression that the speech was not generic but that it was meant for Paul who was there in the front row and didn’t move an inch until the end. My two straight friends probably thought what my partner and I had suspected, but in a similar situation what do you do? Do you face Paul directly? Or do you tell the girl to be careful and figure out whether or not it’s worth going further? My partner and I talked about Paul with this couple of friends and they told us that the priest who had said those things was considered a "somewhat strange" and problematic character even by the parish priest who had tried to limit his sphere of action. Everyone in the parish avoided him, except Paul, who was enthusiastic about him. What evidence did we have? Virtually no hard evidence, but the four of us had the same feeling. We concluded that taking Paul head on was not feasible and that we could only bring the discussion to these topics to see Paul's reactions, and we did, but there was no reaction at all. The straight couple of friends started from the need for absolute honesty in marriage, saying that each of the spouses must know everything about the other and that deceiving the spouse means using him/her and ruining his/her life, but Paul was a rubber wall, he didn’t even listen. We noticed another thing, for quite some time, every now and then Paul made some shots at gays even in our presence because at the beginning he thought that we were actually straight, then the phrases about gays disappeared completely and the topic was 100% censored. The straight couple tells me that Paul says the same things that the somewhat strange priest says and that the idea of marriage as an "ideal of chastity" is starting to become one of Paul's workhorses. One day my partner and I talked seriously about it and decided to take action, but before putting our project into practice, the straight couple of our friends told us that "during mass" the priest a little strange announced the date of the marriage of Paul with his girlfriend. At which, after having meditated for a long time, thinking that by now Paul was no longer recoverable, we decided to desist, and we said to ourselves: “Can we prevent an announced disaster? … Unfortunately not! Everyone is free, even to make mistakes and do damage.“ We also told ourselves that basically we didn't have any proof or admission from Paul, but seeing his face after the marriage banns, the answer was more than obvious. A guy who's about to get married should be beaming but he wasn't like that at all. Paul somehow knew he was going to trap himself and was going to throw the girl too into the same trap. Paul told us that he intended to limit the ceremony only to close family members, evidently he knew well that for his friends, and in particular for four of his friends, going to the wedding would be embarrassing and therefore he avoided any embarrassing situation a priori. The wedding was officiated outside the parish by the somewhat strange priest. Of course, our assessments can be completely wrong ... we will simply never know, because " What God has joined together, no person is to separate!" Although sometimes this phrase is a real blasphemy. After the wedding we didn't get any news about more about Paul and his wife. They have disappeared into thin air.</span></span></div><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">_____________________</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">This email (some contents of which have been deliberately omitted for privacy reasons) would not in itself require any comment. I will therefore limit myself to a very few lines. As I read the story, I was reminded of the romantic relationship between the poets Fitz-Greene Halleck and Joseph Rodman Drake. Fitz-Greene Halleck (July 8th, 1790 – November 19th,1867) was five years older than his friend Joseph Rodman Drake (August 7th, 1795 – September 21 th, 1820).Drake in 1816, still very young, married Sarah (daughter of Henry Eckford, a naval architect) with whom he had a daughter. He died of consumption at the age of 25. Halleck never married, he fell in love at the age of 19 with a young Cuban, Carlos Menie, to whom he had dedicated some of his first poems. Hallock, 1) Halleck’s biographer, hypothesizes according to the common sense and a lot of evidences, that Halleck was in love with his friend Drake. James Grant Wilson underlined the way in which Halleck, who was present at the wedding as the best friend of the groom (a formal role at the time), described the wedding: </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">«[Drake] has married, and, as his wife’s father is rich, I imagine he will write no more. He was poor, as poets, of course, always are, and offered himself a sacrifice at the shrine of Hymen to shun the ’pains and penalties’ of poverty. I officiated as groomsman, though much against my will. His wife was good natured, and loves him to distraction. He is perhaps the handsomest man in New York, — a face like an angel, a form like an Apollo; and, as I well knew that his person was the true index of his mind, I felt myself during the ceremony as committing a crime in aiding and assisting such a sacrifice.» 2)</em></span> </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Here we are dealing in all likelihood with a homosexual who has chosen the path of marriage for essentially economic reasons, in the case of Paul’s story the marriage “seems” to be due to religious reasons, but it is really obscene in the first place that a priest encourages a homosexual guy to marry a woman with the idea that marriage is even the remedy for homosexuality! But perhaps it is even more obscene that attempts are made to consecrate such a union, with the words “What God has joined together, no person is to separate.” A phrase that has a very important meaning that has been distorted and abused to justify an abuse of the marriage piloted by a priest. If it is true that the parish priest had noticed that something was wrong, it is also true that he didn’t do anything to avoid such an obscenity. “He who has ears, let him hear.” 1) Hallock, John Wesley Matthew. “The First Statue: Fitz-Greene Halleck and Homotextual Representation in Nineteenth-Century America.” Ph.D. Dissertation, Temple University; DAI, Vol. 58-06A (1997): 2209, Temple University. And also Hallock, John Wesley Matthew, “American Byron: Homosexuality & The Fall Of Fitz-Greene Halleck” (Madison, Wisconsin: U. of Wisconsin Press, 2000).2) James Grant Wilson, “The Life and Letters of Fitz-Greene Halleck”. New York: Appleton and Company, 1869: 184.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">_________________</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-chronicle-of-an-announced-gay-disaster" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-chronicle-of-an-announced-gay-disaster</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-21543958337798503912020-12-03T16:12:00.003+01:002020-12-03T16:12:18.181+01:00GAYS BETWEEN DIVERGENT THINKING AND INTELLECTUALISM<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I read on the forum a very interesting discussion entitled: “Gay affectivity and divergent thinking”. It is a discussion from more than eight years ago that particularly attracted me not because I’m or feel like a guy capable of a really divergent thinking, I’d like a lot if it was so! But because my boyfriend, whom I will call Elio here, is so, in my opinion, and I would like to bring my small contribution to the discussion by considering the question from another point of view slightly different. I state that to understand that we are dealing with divergent thinking and not just with petty rhetoric or a show of exasperated intellectualism, a counterpart of a certain cultural depth is needed. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I have read some books but frankly I don’t feel quite up to these speeches. Elio, who in my opinion is a refined intellectual, one who reads a lot and above all who thinks a lot, has not won me over for this aspect of his personality, which I think serves him above all as a defense weapon when he doesn’t really trust someone, and even a little to hide his fragile ego. I’m not doing intellectualistic speeches in my turn, Project, I mean that in the end the affective research that you yourself associated with divergent thinking, in Elio’s life ended up being the prevailing element. When the affective dimension creaked or failed, then divergent thinking came out. A little as if the genius was born out of the frustration of feelings. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I remember now that I have not yet told you that I am 35 and Elio is 32. Fortunately for us we both work, Elio in a much better situation than mine, and it is right that it should be so because objectively his work commits him much more than mine commits me. He may be proud of what he has done but he is absolutely not proud, on the contrary, he underlines in a thousand ways that he has done much less than he could and that I think he is a great person, while he is just one who strives to do what others do spontaneously without any effort. Those who only know him through work respect him and in a sense fear him. I, who have known him for almost 10 years and have followed step by step all his studies and all his work successes, I also know the human side of Elio, his weaknesses, which in my opinion are the most fascinating side of his character. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Some days he comes back from work very tired, because he often works even in the afternoon, he goes into the house, he leaves his shoes near the entrance and puts on some house slippers, then he goes into the dining room and I make him find the table set and he sits down and lifts his neck towards me because that’s the moment for a kiss on the forehead, a use that we inaugurated many years ago, when we met. During dinner we don’t see TV, sometimes I mess around his hair or stroke his hand and he squeezes it tightly. During the dinner he uses only one plate, he is very careful not to dirty the tablecloth because he knows that I should wash it later. Sometimes he tells me some anecdotes of his work but always in brief. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">After dinner we go into the living room and he takes off his slippers because he likes to walk on the carpet only with socks, he says it’s a bit like walking on grass. I sit on the sofa and he lies down and rests his head on my legs and when he is very tired he falls asleep like this! We talk little between us, we are able to tell each other everything with a hug. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We have been living together for 4 years now and we share the costs, but not at 50%. He earns 1.45 times what I earn, and pays 1.45 / 2.45 of all expenses. He tells me that that is the minimum of the equity and that I work at home while he does practically nothing at home and it is obvious that I contribute in other ways to the functioning of the house. This precision in the division of expenses, however, is a kind of game, because Elio, who in the past has always had very little money, is not in the least stingy and leaves his salary together with mine without distinguishing mine and his, the one of us who needs money takes freely what he needs. We have a joint account which by law is half his and half mine, although obviously he contributes much more than me. At first I thought that there could be money problems between us but it never happened. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">His parents once found themselves in the faculty to redeem the apartment they lived in but they didn’t have all the money they needed and we gave them (not lent) all our savings. Please note, Project, that we weren’t expecting any money back and instead they returned everything to us in just three years. I no longer have my parents and Elio’s parents are a bit like my family. They cuddle me more than Elio because they know that he appreciates a lot such a behavior. We see them every week, as far as possible, and I think that the fact that Elio is a man inwardly calm is largely due to them. In Elio’s attitudes I see many attitudes of his father. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes we talk about cultural things, that is a bit of the “highest systems”, and I am often amazed because he listens to me. He makes me talk and listens to me, he never silences me, he tries to follow the logical thread of what I tell him. When I have finished, he keeps quiet for a few seconds and then takes up all the points of my speech, enriches them, develops them, and if they weren’t already part of his way of thinking, he makes them his, integrates them into his way of seeing things, tells me that I give him often some tips that are also useful to him in his work and that you don’t need to have studied philosophy to be a philosopher. Note, Project, he tells me this very seriously. He often tells me that I reassure him, that I am his anxiolytic, his antidepressant. He is very rational but easily goes into crisis when he sees people suffering. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When we first went to live together, in our building there was an elderly lady, the lady or rather Miss Adele, who treated us very well from the beginning, when she met us on the stairs she always smiled at us and I think she understood very well that we were a couple, then, after a few months, we never saw her again, Elio inquired and learned that Miss Adele could no longer leave the house, she lived alone and was assisted by a voluntary association. We went to see her when the guys from the association were there, the house was clean and tidy, thanks to those guys, even though the young lady couldn’t get out of her wheelchair. But she was very alert mentally, she joked with us and treated us well and so we got into the habit of spending two evenings a week with her and having dinner with her. I can tell you, Project, they were beautiful evenings, nothing forced, everything was very spontaneous, it was a bit like having a grandmother. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Then Miss Adele’s health deteriorated and they hospitalized her, and after three weeks she died. For us it was a real family mourning. At the funeral it was just us and we paid for the funeral. Less than a week later, a notary called us and told us that the Miss Adelina had made her will and had left us the apartment and all the money she had, as well as a sealed letter. In the letter she told us that she would pray for us from Heaven and that she had left us her things so that we could do with them what we thought was right. Three days later we returned to the notary with the legal representative of the association who had assisted the young lady and we left everything to them. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Project, it may seem incredible to you but when we left the notary’s office we hugged each other tightly for the happiness of having done what had to be done. You can understand, Project, that in my opinion these gestures are the real divergent thinking, because Elio is not only cultured and intelligent but he is good, he is a good man that I can only admire. He is not narrow-minded, he does not think only of himself. When I embrace it, I know I hold the rarest treasure in the world. And do you know what he told me? He said when he realized that about Miss Adele’s legacy we were thinking of doing exactly the same thing, he felt the happiest man on Earth because both of us were inclined to divergent thinking but to a divergent thinking in exactly the same direction. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When you meet such a man there is no need for words! This divergent thinking is not intellectualism, it is absolutely another thing. When I think of Elio, tears come to my eyes, being together we have learned to be better. You can understand why we get along well. Sometimes I read stories of jealousy, sex and power play within the couple on the forum. Before meeting Elio I too lived that kind of situation and he probably lived them too, but then we met and our life really changed. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In Miss Adele’s house the voluntary association has accommodated two elderly ladies, we went to visit them but they looked at us as if we were two intruders, so we said goodbye and left. They weren’t like Miss Adele who used to smile at us when she saw us, showing a face full of happiness and when we dined together she was all well dressed and combed and hugged us tightly to make us understand that we were important to her. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Yesterday Elio came home in the evening all wet, he did not have the hood of his raincoat on his head but he carried it with the utmost care, I approached and he motioned me to shut up, then he opened the hood of the waterproof and there was a not so small kitten inside, all wet. We dried it, we made a kind of kennel for him and then we tried to give it some milk, after having warmed it a little in our hands, and the kitten was able to eat on his own which was a huge relief for us. We have a veterinary friend to ask for advice but if the kitten eats alone it means that all in all he’s fine. We set him up in our room and spent the whole evening cuddling the kitten who also looked in great shape. Today our vet friend told us that the kitten was actually a she kitten and that she was in good health and we decided to call her Adelina. You can’t imagine how carefully Elio treats the kitten and the kitten trusts him, and actually me too, as if she had always known us, a bit like Miss Adele had done, that’s why we chose that name. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Today Elio began to call her “the baby-girl” and many thoughts came to mind about how nice it would be to have a real baby-girl. I know these are just dreams, but Elio would be a really good dad and I would try my best too. Now I’ll send you the email, otherwise I won’t finish it anymore. Of course, you can use it as you like better.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Thanks for what you do, Project. Keep it up.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">_________________________</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gays-between-divergent-thinking-and-intellectualism" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gays-between-divergent-thinking-and-intellectualism</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-14513941984700977752020-12-02T23:48:00.010+01:002020-12-02T23:48:47.308+01:00UNDERSTANDING GAY SEX<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I often read your forum posts, there are good stories but it seems to me that sex remains somehow a marginal topic, I don’t say avoided but treated as much as possible in a neutral way. Instead, I would like to make it clear that it is a very important thing. Maybe you are laughing now because I’m saying something obvious, but for me it has become a very important thing. It wasn’t always a very important thing or rather I didn’t understand its meaning and trivialized it. But perhaps it is better that I tell you the facts, otherwise I will waste time.<br /><br />I am 32 years old and I no longer feel like a boy from any point of view. I have had my experiences, I think more or less similar to those that all gays have, with the basic idea that sex was after all a marginal and also risky thing, so when I happened to have a concrete experience, I experienced it badly, a bit like I was doing it unwillingly just because my partner at the time wanted it.<br /><br />Let’s say that I always took it a bit as an imposition, then I never loved anal sex, which for some of my partners was instead a fixed idea, even if not for all, I have been with two guys of very different age, who told me that they didn’t like anal sex at all, but the two other guys I have been with were really obsessed with it and I couldn’t stand them because they insisted we had to do it anyway, because it was the very important for them. Among other things I have never endured the condom that bothered me, but on the other hand I’m a phobic hypochondriac and the idea of doing something like that without a condom doesn’t even pass through the anteroom of my brain. You can understand well in what spirit I used to have sexual intercourse, let’s say that in the end I have adapted quite reluctantly. I just didn’t understand what others were finding in having anal sex. I looked at them in amazement, they seemed to me completely out of their mind.<br /><br />With my fourth boyfriend it all ended because I couldn’t bear that everything was reduced to have sex and nothing more. That is, at the limit I can also adapt to do what you want, but how can you think that for me that is the maximum enjoyment? It means that you don’t really realize how I feel and that you only think about yourself. If I caressed him he replied that it bothered him, when we had finished he would get dressed and leave without even saying hello … you can understand what level we were at!<br /><br />And these stories went on for up to my 30 years! Then I meet Matthew, a guy more or less the same age that I like immediately, that is, he is my ideal type of guy, let’s say that I have never seen one that interested me more than him, I mean that he attracted me precisely on a physical level and very. I was intrigued by Matthew, we started chatting and he intrigued me a lot, he too had had his stories and he had one that still went on, but he was not satisfied at all. He was in love with his boyfriend but did not feel reciprocated, somehow he felt exploited only for sexual reasons, but he could not detach himself from that guy.<br /><br />Matthew was the first guy with whom I managed to build a relationship of serious friendship. We talked a lot, he didn’t compliment me, he didn’t try to seduce me, he talked to me about himself and above all about the discomfort he felt with his boyfriend and the fact that he loved him anyway and this made me uncomfortable, because I was in love about him and he kept talking to me about the other guy, even though the things he said to me were obvious signs of unease. I would have wanted some physical intimacy with him, but there was no such thing.<br /><br />I trusted Matthew, he was very serious, always a little sad but he was a true, faithful friend, I too began to talk to him about me and my discomfort with my last boyfriend, that I had already archived for a few months. Slowly, with Matthew, we also came to talk about sex, but he used to speak about it in a different way from the other guys I had known, he was very direct he didn’t sublimate speeches but it was evident that sex for him had a strong emotional value. However, I realized that he had a different sexuality from mine, he too considered anal sex a very important thing and this made me uncomfortable because I thought that assuming that there could be sex between us, it would never be something of truly shared on the same level.<br /><br />But time passed, we chatted a couple of times a week and several times even once, he had his life and I mine, he was very busy with work and often had to go out of town for work, and I in certain periods in practice I had no working hours and I had to work in the office as long as there were people and many times even at home in the evening, and nevertheless sometimes I have been waiting until late for his call, I avoided to call him because I would have risked calling him at a time when he was busy for work or maybe while she was with her boyfriend, because he kept having a boyfriend and feeling bad about it.<br /><br />When we talked on the phone they were very special moments, very engaging, very real, something that had never happened to me with anyone before. I realized that I shared everything with him except sex. We talked for hours, he was often melancholy, even bordering on depressed. Our bond was strange, asymmetrical, at least in a certain sense, because I also wanted him sexually while he seemed essentially disinterested, however, slowly our relationship had become a very important thing both for him and for me, we were not just friends, it was evident that there was something more, we instinctively trusted each other, we were a real couple without sex.<br /><br />I do not hide that for me it was a pain. He was the object of all my sexual fantasies and just hearing his voice on the phone caused me an erection and of course this lasted the entire time of the phone call long and afterwards I masturbated but with a background of melancholy, as for a wish that would never come true. And then I had never told him these things, I was afraid of influencing him or maybe letting him run away. We had talked a lot about sex, but about sex with others, while about sex between us, possible or not, we had never been talking and this made me very embarrassed, as if I were tricking him by trying to give him the idea that for me the fact that our relationship was without sex was somehow a quietly accepted fact. He treated me like a friend but to me he wasn’t just a friend.<br /><br />Then came a time when he was very grumpy, I mean that anyway he was always respectful, he treated me as best he could but he was sad and spoke little. There were moments of embarrassment between us when I didn’t know what to say and once he gave me a caress and left without saying a word. I felt helpless, I loved him but obviously I couldn’t change his life, I couldn’t give him the serenity he needed.<br /><br />Then he disappeared for 32 days, and disconnected his cell phone. I called his office and they told me he was on vacation and they didn’t know anything else. But on vacation he would have carried his cell phone. I did not know where his parents lived and I did not have their telephone number, because Matthew lived on his own and so, day after day, I became terribly anxious, I tried to call him, I left him messages on the answering machine but I was very scared.<br /><br />On the 32nd day at half past midnight he called me on the phone and just said, “Would you like to have sex with me?” I told him: “Sure! Where are you?” At that moment my intercom rang. It was him and he went up to my house. When he entered the house he hugged me, something he had never done! But it was a hug that had nothing sexual at al. Then he said to me: “I’ll stay with you tonight … ok?” I told him that I had been very worried about him, and he said to me:<br /><br />“I’m done with Silvio, I felt like a complete fool, he was only interested in having sex with me, but he didn’t care about me …”<br /><br />We went into the kitchen, he sat on a low stool and I made him a cup of tea with some biscuits and then we went back to the living room to talk. In reality we talked very little, he only told me that the next afternoon he had to go back to work, not a single word about sex. He lay down on the sofa and fell asleep. I stayed close to him and slept in the armchair.<br /><br />I say I slept, but I actually wondered why he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. That was the first time he had ever mentioned such a hypothesis. I had all night to think about it, but then I started thinking about something else, about the fact that he was next to me and that sex or not sex, somehow he loved me and that I had passed from the deep anguish of a few hours before to such a love feeling in that so incredible but true way.<br /><br />In the morning we woke up before seven, went down to the bar to have breakfast and then went home. I was supposed to be at work at 9.00 and we had to say goodbye. I wanted to ask him what that request to have sex with me meant but I pretended to have forgotten it, he said to me: “We have to talk, I’ll come to you tonight around nine, if you like, make a little dinner to me , if you like.” I said yes to him and he greeted me by giving me a very light kiss on the mouth, something he had never done before. My working day literally flew in a whirlwind of thoughts that you can well imagine. After work, I ran to the supermarket and then immediately home to prepare some dinner. He arrives on time, finds dinner ready and the table set. We have a quick dinner then we start talking. I’ll quote here the speech on the basis of what I wrote down the next day in my diary:<br /><br />“It’s over with Silvio. I told you. I was in love with him but he always said that there was only sex between us. I mean, I felt treated like shit and finally got rid of it. With him I had deluded myself that it could work and instead it ended exactly as had ended all my previous stories. I felt like a total moron. You must have wondered why when I called you I asked you if you wanted to have sex with me and there is a reason for this question: it was what I told Silvio when I needed him. It was always me who called him and always when I knew he was free, and he didn’t say no, but then I when we were together, we did what we had to do, and then it was automatic that I left immediately. When I last went there I asked him the same question, just as it had always happened, that is if he wanted to have sex with me, and he told me to go up but I didn’t want to have sex with him at all, I needed him to listen to me but he didn’t even try, he told me that if I ask him if he wants to have sex, then I can’t start with “pathological bullshit” (his words) and that if I don’t want to have sex I don’t have to break his balls (always his words) so I left and came to your house and I asked you to if you would like to have sex with me. You let me in and it was all very different and I expected it would all be very different. I know you love me and I too love you in a sense, but I’m not in love with you, you are not physically my type, but I think I could be fine with you anyway. I think I’m not indifferent to you. In conclusion, if you think we can be together, we can also try. I do not know how I will react, it may be that then I will feel uncomfortable, but if it happens I will tell you immediately, it could be an experiment … it seems absurd, I know, but we could try, however I do not promise anything, but now I think we might as well try … “.<br /><br />“Matthew, I’m only interested in that you are fine, what hurts me is to see you sad, discouraged, unmotivated. If you are better off without sex, we can be very well even without it, you don’t have to feel forced into anything … “<br /><br />” But you are saying this because it is fine for you as we have done so far and only this way? “<br /><br />“No, certainly not! It’s fine for me if we try, but I wouldn’t want that if it doesn’t work, this was another reason for disappointment and frustration … “<br /><br />“No, I don’t think there would be a risk of disappointment, I never felt exploited by you, but listen, first of all there is a very important fact to take account of, we need to get tested for HIV because with Silvio we also had risky behaviors and the idea of being able to infect you with a bad disease would destroy me … and I would also like you to do the test too, it would be a way to start from scratch together. It was precisely out of the fear of infecting you something that I kept away from you when I was with Silvio … “<br /><br />” Well, I’m very attracted by you, sexually I mean, I masturbated dozens of times thinking about you but I didn’t tell you never because you were thinking of Silvio and I should not interfere … “<br /><br />“Well, physically you are not my type but it just happened to me two days ago that I masturbated thinking about you and that’s exactly why I told you we can try. I used to think I could not have sexual desires on you but now I think it is possible, in practice it happened. But understand me, for me it is all new and everything in reverse compared to what I have always lived, in short, what will happen I do not know … but we can try. “<br /><br />Dear Project, as you can understand, it was a very unusual start for a love story, but there was already a strong bond between us before and we didn’t get scared. We went together to take the test, he was a little anxious but only a little because with Silvio they “almost” always used a condom, but luckily the test was negative for both of us. In theory, the first major obstacle was over. We still had to go from words to deeds and here the embarrassment was enormous, not because of the sex itself, but because neither he nor I wanted to put in crisis our relationship due to inexperience, or due to too much haste or unavailability. I had also mentally accepted the idea of having anal intercourse with him, because for him they were important and after all they practiced them in a reciprocal way with Silvio and perhaps it would have been so with me too. The problem anyway did not arise precisely because knowing that those things were never in my fantasies, he had accepted the idea of doing without them. Basically each of us had accepted the idea of having to adapt to the other. But problems occurred much earlier. The very idea of attempting a physical contact was also a problem. Luckily it was he who made the first move.<br /><br />One night in my house, he undressed completely and lay down on the bed. I too undressed and he said to me:<br />“You are such a beautiful guy!” and he said it with conviction, almost as if it were something he did not expect, a spontaneous smile came to me and he replied in the same way, then he gestured for me to approach … the rest you can imagine it. He was not at all clumsy and we understood each other on the fly. It didn’t even seem real to me that I was in such a situation, because I had dreamed of it for so long. We hugged naked, very tight and he kissed me tenderly. It was the height of summer and it was very hot, we went to the kitchen, naked as we were, and had two cold drinks. We looked like two Adams in the earthly Paradise. I didn’t know what would happen next, but we went back to making love in a very playful way and then we went to sleep hugging. I woke up long before him in the morning and went to prepare some breakfast, when I brought it to him, he stretched like a cat and smiled as he hardly ever did.<br /><br />Then several days later we also got to anal sex, I didn’t tell him no, I put on a condom and then we went on, you could see that it was important for him, in the end he didn’t ask me to change roles and said that after all it is not what you do that counts but with whom you do it and added that now he knew that if he had asked me I would not have said no. In the following months we did it a few more times but in the end it was not a fixed idea even for him, it was not a taboo but it was not even an obligatory step and slowly the matter became less important for him and less problematic for me, now it is done every now and then but mostly as a demonstration that I do not say no.<br /><br />What I like most about Matteo’s sexuality and that for him sex doesn’t have a precise beginning and end, is a bit of a general atmosphere of warmth and intimacy. We now also know each other well sexually, for example <br /><br />I know that he really likes that after sex I don’t get dressed and stay naked with him on the bed to chat and joke. The post-sex phase for him is fundamental because it gives him the feeling of being considered like a man and not like a sex toy, in practice that post-sex phase, with Silvio, did not exist at all and he felt uncomfortable. He likes to have sex with the light on because he tells me he wants to see me in all my splendor and I know this means that he begins to appreciate me also from a sexual point of view, and he repeats to me that I am beautiful because he knows that I like very much to hear such things from him.<br /><br />In a sense, our being a couple should be fragile but when we are together we see that it is not so, now he is much less melancholy than before, sometimes he jokes and above all sends me very tender text messages. To be honest, I have fulfilled my deepest wishes. When you hold the one guy you truly loved in your arms and feel that he is happy to be with you, I don’t think you could want anything more.<br /><br />I had Matthew read this email before sending it to you, since it also concerns him and he told me that I mythologized him, because he is not like that, but much worse! Publish the email, if you like, it’s fine with us!<br /><br />A warm greeting.<br />Mark</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">______________________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-understanding-gay-sex" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-understanding-gay-sex</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-59257239794610475092020-12-02T23:38:00.000+01:002020-12-02T23:38:02.721+01:00A QUIET GAY COUPLE<p style="text-align: justify;"> Hi Project,</p><!-- wp:paragraph {"align":"justify"} -->
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">I remember starting to hang out on your forum many years ago and it made me a little vaccinated against dating sites, applications and especially easy sex. Somehow I owe you a lot, even if you don't know, because I met my partner, with whom I have lived for years, on the Gay Project Chat, when there was a lot of people and there were even two chat channels. You don't know me, because I was one of those hit and run users and then I would have been very embarrassed talking to you. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">I'm 35 now and my partner is 31. I can say that all in all we are a nice couple. He is really beautiful, I am much less, but we are a beautiful couple because we have been living together for more than eight years and we love each other. My name is Paul and my partner is called John. We have always been calm and have had a lot of luck, in addition to meeting on Gay Project and feeling a little fond of the environment, even if from the outside. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">We both had families that didn't cause us any problems. They certainly struggled to accept our relationship, but at least they didn’t create problems of principle, I would say that above all my parents struggled to accept the situation when they didn’t know John in person and therefore reasoned a lot in the abstract. John's parents had an excellent relationship with him even before and would never have been afraid that he might get into trouble. We are both only children, which on the one hand made family relationships easier but on the other, perhaps, made it more difficult to accept the idea of a gay son, but in the end, our parents met and made friends. This was our second luck, but the most important one was that we were just fine together. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">We are not partygoers, not obsessed with fashion, we don't smoke, we don't drink, we work a lot but without the determination to make a career or money at all costs, because we want to enjoy our life. First we studied, then we had to think about finding work and we had little time for ourselves, now that our work situations are at least relatively stabilized, we want to have some time for ourselves, not to travel or to do who knows what, but just to be among us. We always had both Saturdays and Sundays free and on Saturday evenings we had fun cooking something different, or doing laundry and ironing, or cleaning the house, and then we would get together on the sofa to watch TV. They may seem trivial things, but staying lying on the sofa and feeling the warmth of my partner's body leaning against me fills me with tenderness. A caress and a smile are the best thing in the world if they come from the right person. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">Before getting to know each other we had some experiences but minimal, a little disappointing, and therefore in a certain sense educational, but never traumatic. I mean that we have understood that to be well together you have to stay on the same wavelength, that is, you have to see life in a rather similar way, otherwise the contradictions sooner or later come out. That is, in love the “who” counts much more than the “what” and the “how”.</p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;"> Since we met we have lived in strict monogamy, not out of a theoretical duty of fidelity or out of fear of diseases but because we were well together. We looked for our sexual equilibrium together and it wasn't even difficult to find it because even from that point of view we reasoned more or less the same way. Sex between us exists and has always existed, since the beginning, but other moments in life have not been less fundamental for us. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">In particular, it happened to me a few years ago to lose my job and at that moment I felt John very close. He knew that I was going through a very difficult time and he was close to me not in words, but by spending hours scrolling through advertisements and checking employment opportunities and conditions. Sometimes we spent the night in front of the computer preparing and mailing resumes, and we went out on Saturdays for job interviews. The problem of work was my problem but I felt very comforted by John's presence and I think that if the problem had been his he could not have done more than he did for me, and all this operationally, without useless chatter. He was anxious that I find the best possible job and quickly, he didn't think in the least to have to show me that he was taking care of it, he didn't have to make a good impression but to solve the problem. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">He and I both had few friends before we met, then our friends met and his friends became my friends and vice versa. Now the friends are no longer mine or his but ours, in the sense of us as a couple, they are seven people in all, two straight couples, a gay couple and a straight guy looking for a girl. Among us everyone knows everything about everyone and there have never been problems. When I tell it nobody believes it, they tell me it's impossible, but that's exactly what happens. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">Now I feel serene and I only have in the background the fear that all this could be upset at any moment by something unexpected and terrible, because when you have achieved your happiness you are afraid of losing it. In our life there have been no sensational facts, it was all very peaceful. Our parents are all still in good health and things should go on like this for at least ten years. The Covid virus, which for many people was a shock, brought both of us the opportunity to work from home. We work, yes, but there are no more transfer times and we have much more time for ourselves. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">I am experiencing how important it is to be two in the substantial sense of the term, it is something that reassures you, that makes you feel good, and then you realize that you are also important for your partner, you know that you can put him in a good mood when he is sad or frustrated and above all you have a reason not to let yourself go when it turns bad, you have to feel good for him too, and it is not a small thing, it makes you bring out the best you have inside. When he is in a good mood, John hums and consequently I feel happy, when he stays too long without humming it means that there is something wrong and that he needs a caress or a kiss, and it works. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">When we met we didn't live in the same city but in very close cities, just a few minutes away by train. We met every time we had a free afternoon, so at least twice a week, then slowly we began to move by car, also to have a place to stay and talk with a minimum of tranquility and privacy when it rained, because at the beginning our parents knew nothing about us; when they knew about us, basically a year after we met, John came to my house and I went to his house a lot of times, there were no problems, it's true, but we had need to have a little intimacy and that's how we started thinking about looking for work in the same city and living together. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">Basically, I sent many resumes to companies in his city when he was still finishing his studies and I found a job in his city. He was not earning yet and the idea of taking an apartment together, I mean buying it together, that is, paying it each for a half, was not feasible, and so I was in a "student" rent, that is, in a rent that could be renovated annually and things went on like this for almost two years, but at least we had our own little place. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">By the time he started working our parents met for the first time and week after week they got to know each other better and so, making a tremendous effort, they paid us an advance for the purchase of an apartment. To tell the truth, it wasn't all easy because neither his parents nor mine were in favor of a joint purchase, because if the relationship did not go well there would also be the problem of sharing the house. But frankly, such an eventuality seemed completely unthinkable to both John and me and so we purchased the apartment. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">The mortgage was not very heavy because we worked in two, then when I lost my job and I was without work for almost a year, that is, I did odd jobs for almost a year, for me, paying my share was not really easy, I continued to pay it anyway, but John paid all the bills, taxes, car tax and insurance, among other things we had also sold my car which was newer and worth something more, and we had kept for us only the John's one, because, since we lived in the same house, we didn't need two cars. We took a short mortgage to pay less interest. We would have made a more intense but shorter effort. Today we are only a year away from the end of the mortgage and then our house will truly be ours. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">John says very well about the place where he works and his colleagues but he doesn't consider them friends, he never receives them at home. I have my satisfactions in the workplace but in a sense I don't physically have a place where to work, that is, in theory I do, but over 10 days, at least eight I spend them around the province, with the company car, to make inspections and to install systems. The teams of workers I work with change every time and I always find myself in the role of the expert who comes from outside but who has nothing to do with the environment. My bosses trust me because I don't create problems and on the contrary I solve them if there are any. If I have to tell the truth, I have never had any real work problems, some complications yes, but for administrative problems and only for that. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">John, on the other hand, had some problems with a girl who has lost her mind a bit for him, and she is a colleague of his, but they don't really work together. We talked about it but I didn't know what to tell him. In the end, he showed detached and the girl put her soul in peace, without the need to say anything and make statements of any kind. The whole story didn't last more than a couple of months and it ended by itself. Such things have never happened to me because there are no women in my workplace. In this period of my life I feel happy and I see that John also feels happy. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">Project, if you want to publish this email you can certainly do it, I often hear guys (straight but not only) who talk about homosexuality as if it were a kind of catastrophe and talk about homosexuals as a kind of damned race. I don’t know what experiences they have had in life and I don’t allow myself to judge anyone, I limit myself only to saying that it is precisely homosexuality that has made me happy. I love John and I feel loved by him. They may well be rare things, but these things do really exist! </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">See you Project! John too greets you. Thanks for what you unknowingly did for me and for John! </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">Paul</p>
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<p style="text-align: justify;">______________________</p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</p>
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<p><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-a-quiet-gay-couple">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-a-quiet-gay-couple</a></p>
<!-- /wp:paragraph -->PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-40534857430404568692020-12-02T23:20:00.003+01:002020-12-02T23:21:23.555+01:00PASTRY AND GAY LOVE<p style="text-align: justify;"> Anyone can be able to prepare good biscuits even by instinctively mixing flour, sugar and eggs, adding flavorings to their liking and then baking everything, but pastry is a difficult art, which is learned gradually, proceeding by trial and error: not all flours work the same way, the methods of dough and leavening have great importance on the final result, not all ovens are the same and not all cooking methods produce the same result. The rules of cooking and pastry come from experience and cooking books and videos are so common precisely because through those books and videos it is also possible to treasure the experience of others. In sexuality things work in a similar way but it is much more difficult to treasure the experience of others because there are no tools similar to cookbooks and taking advantage of the experience of others is practically impossible, at least because sex is a topic that is rarely addressed seriously.</p><!--wp:paragraph {"align":"justify"}-->
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">I intend to proceed in this post with the same criteria that are followed in a cooking books. </p>
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<p style="text-align: justify;">THE MOST COMMON ERRORS </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">1) Believing that the life of a couple coincides with putting one's fantasies into practice and that it will be very easy to build something shared on this basis. Let us remember that being appreciated as a good pastry chef is a very different thing from knowing how to make good desserts at home. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">2) Believing that sexual intercourse is the essential purpose of a homosexual relationship, that is, the element that gives meaning to the relationship and without which the relationship loses meaning. Let us remember that there are excellent cookies without sugar or without eggs or even without flour. Sexual intercourse is one of the ingredients of a homosexual relationship, it can also sometimes be a very important ingredient, but just as you can't make biscuits out of flour only or out of butter only, so you can't even create a relationship starting from sex only. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">3) Believing that the partner's sexuality is identical to ours, that is, that his sexual fantasies are identical to ours. Remember that aniseed biscuits are delicious for some and not at all for others. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">4) Believing that sexuality can only be monothematic, repetitive and devoid of fantasy and variants. Let us remember that a good pack of chocolates has a vast assortment to satisfy the most diverse needs. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">5) Believing that sexual intercourse is satisfying in itself and does not need anything else, in particular that it does not need words, affection, pauses, smiles, distractions. Let us remember that many desserts, such as trifle, are delicious precisely because they are soaked in liqueur. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">6) Believing that in a relationship the more sex the better. Let's remember that in every recipe there are optimal doses and that if a pinch of cinnamon gives perfume, an excess of cinnamon makes the biscuit inedible. Even in sex, as in the use of cinnamon, excess means compromising the final outcome. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">7) Believing that in a homosexual relationship sex must be the premise or that in any case we must get there immediately, that is, being in a hurry to get to sexual intercourse. Let us remember that there are biscuits that do not need leavening and can be baked immediately, there are others that need a short leavening and also others that need many hours of leavening. Baking long leavening biscuits before the necessary time means trying to force things but this way only a mediocre result can be obtained. The first virtue of a pastry chef is patience. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">8) Believing that one's way of living affectivity and sexuality is always the best or the only legitimate one and that everything that goes in other directions is wrong and deleterious. Let us remember that pastry chefs are not born pastry chefs but they become refined pastry chefs after a long period of training and that affectivity, like pastry, is learned through experience and the willingness to listen and learn. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">EQUIPMENT AND HYGIENE </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">1) Today there is only one absolutely indispensable tool for dealing responsibly with sexuality and that is the condom. I remember that the condom was not born as a tool for preventing the contagion of sexually transmitted diseases, but as a tool for birth control, clearly this original function has no meaning for gays but for them the condom is and must remain an object they always have to take with them when they can get involved in situations that can even potentially lead to any kind of sexual intercourse. I must stress that neglecting condom use means putting yourself at risk of AIDS (and other terrible diseases) and putting your partner at risk too. The use of condoms should not be considered a possible option but the only possible option. We never forget that in the kitchen, as in the pastry shop, it is essential to have a life-saving electric switch, an earth socket and a sensor for gas leaks, these are appliances which, in theory, can also be dispensed with, but in case of current leakage or gas leaks, our life depends on these devices. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">INGREDIENTS </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">1) To build a truly satisfying homosexual relationship, three fundamental ingredients are needed: human availability, deep emotional involvement, non-ephemeral sexual interest and these ingredients must be genuine and not contaminated by other non-emotional interests such as economic interests and above all individualistic drives. In pastry, if you want to get a top quality product, you have to start with top quality ingredients, preserved from any possible pollution. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">2) What makes a homosexual relationship grow is reciprocity, which is the true leaven of affective relationships. In the absence of reciprocity, a story is born unilateral, it is not even a relationship between two people but it is only a relationship of an individual with his fantasy. Without any type of yeast, only very hard biscuits are created which, when eaten, can break teeth. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">3) To build a homosexual relationship, sweetness is very important, which is not weakness but affective intelligence. Sugar-free cookies can also be made, but they will have very little flavor. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">4) In emotional relationships we often resort to exchanges of small gifts, to affectionate messages, to small rituals that serve to highlight the affection. These things can have their function when there is a true emotional relationship at the base, but they cannot replace it if the true emotional relationship is missing, nor can they correct it if it is deeply defective. In pastry, aromas are used that make good desserts even tastier but which cannot transform biscuits made with poor quality or contaminated ingredients into good biscuits. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">THE PACKAGING </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">1) In love relationships, it is not words but feelings that count. The abuse of the rhetoric of love often hides the emotional emptiness. It is by no means certain that the best chocolates are contained in the most beautiful boxes of chocolates. Good chocolates don't need flashy and deceptive wrapping. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">2) In love relationships, clarity towards the partner is essential. The presence of gray areas makes the relationship suspicious. The composition must be indicated on the packages of sweets, if the declared composition does not correspond to reality and above all if the expiry date on the package is missing or illegible, it is legitimate to suspect fraud. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">THE PRICE </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">1) Love relationships require commitment, seriousness and availability of time. Those who are not willing to dedicate their time and commitment to their partner are unlikely to build satisfying relationships. Good chocolates are expensive, often double quantities of poor chocolates can be bought at the same price. </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">PRESERVATION OF THE PRODUCT </p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">1) The gestures of affective life do not have an infinite duration. The affective gestures made in the past retain their effect for a while, then they must be renewed. The best desserts are freshly made ones. Desserts do not keep for long and a pastry shop must sell only the freshest products to be appreciated and must therefore work every day. The best creams turn sour after a day and the cookies lose their friability.</p>
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<p style="text-align: justify;">__________________________</p>
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<p class="has-text-align-justify" style="text-align: justify;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</p>
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<p><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-pastry-and-gay-love">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-pastry-and-gay-love</a></p>
<!--/wp:paragraph-->PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-7764235126643911052020-12-02T23:07:00.004+01:002020-12-02T23:07:49.160+01:00PROBLEMS OF AN INTERGENERATIONAL GAY RELATIONSHIP<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-9095cb99-b83f-4d50-899a-010e6e8f5624" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I saw that on your forum there are some posts about so-called gay intergenerational relationships, I have read them and I can say that, at least in part, they also reflect my experience, because I’m the oldest partner of something similar to a gay couple, if I can say so, I’m now almost 60 years old, my partner is 30. My experience of gay stories has been always very small, but my life has changed dramatically a year ago. I met a man who is almost half my age, as I told before, and it happened to me what had never happened to me before. As you can well understand his freedom is an absolute value for me. Although he was much younger than me, he had a very concrete and varied experience of gay environments and behaviors. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-24e49bd5-9c35-4291-b57f-c0192381456a" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We met in a very curious way, our cars have collided at an intersection but with minimal damage, both his and mine. It happened through my fault or rather because of one of my my too frequent inattentions, anyway he got out of the car furious, but more because of the loss of time and the bureaucracy problems he was going to face out of necessity than because he was angry with me, I was also a little scared at first, because he has a very solid physical constitution. He addressed me kindly and politely, I think because of my age, he saw me willing to take on my responsibilities with the blue form, and treated me with respect. He looked at his car and said to me: “Okay, it’s a minimal damage, you can go away quietly, let’s say nothing happened … ok?” I didn’t trust him and I was afraid of being tricked or blackmailed later. I insisted that the blue form had to be filled in anyway, so he eventually agreed and we filled in the form, one copy of it for me and the other for him. According to the insurance rules it was up to him to send the form within three days to his insurance, because since the accident had happened out of my fault and I had admitted it, it was up to his insurance company to pay him back within 30 days. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-24e12dc8-3615-4ecf-8273-70a6d35c4a0c" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">At a certain point he told me that my damage was greater that his and that if he had send the form I would have lost a not negligible amount of money and I would have lost my previous insurance category to be inserted into another much more expensive. At this point I was about to think he would ask me to pay the damage immediately in cash and in the end I would have done it, and I said: “If you prefer, I can pay you back in cash now …” He replied: “The damage is minimal and my car is old, let’s just leave things like that!” I told him: “Don’t worry about me, you now have the blue form with my signature, just send it to your insurance. Ok?” He said to me: “Ok, ok, I’ll think about it.” He greeted me very quietly and we left. Five days later I received this email: </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-aac9d952-e607-4b6c-a662-d203953af581" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">“Dear Mr. James,I’m Andrew G, the one with whom you signed the blue form for the friendly accident report. I wanted to inform you that I preferred not to send the blue form to my insurance company, because you would have suffered financial damage and I would have received negligible compensation. I had the pleasure of meeting in you a serious person who didn’t hesitate to take on his responsibilities. I greet you with true respect. ” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-32aed782-0a62-4432-9ccd-bd2a1bdcb206" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">After a long meditation, I answered him like this: </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-1a96e9fa-a3e5-4730-a466-cada4f0d0a30" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">“Dear Mr. Andrew,certainly it’s not so common to meet people like you, I can say that your gesture surprised me, even if in a sense I expected it. If it weren’t too inconvenient for you, I’d like you to accept at least one invitation from me to dinner, not as compensation but out of sympathy. I greet you with esteem.” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-ac3b49e4-e24a-4ef0-8543-5b0703c47703" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">He replied after a few seconds: </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-5a30da34-a9ab-4400-ba42-b84105dc763a" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">“Dear Mr. James, I accept your invitation with great pleasure.” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-784343b3-fdac-4885-b3b1-3ee00f09d760" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We agreed for the following Monday evening, at the time there was still no talk of Covid. On Monday evening he arrives right on time, he is dressed in a simple but very nice way. He has a brown beard, hair trimmed, he’s a really handsome man, I know from the documents he’s 30 years old. We shake hands, he is perfectly at ease. I chose a very quiet, open-air restaurant, because it’s the height of summer and it’s still hot. There are few people because the space is huge and the restaurant is almost empty on Mondays. I insist that he order the dinner before me, and here he already amazes me, because he is a vegetarian, he doesn’t take pride in it but follows his rule. I adapt immediately, he tells me I can take whatever I like better and I tell him that if he has decided to be a vegetarian there must be a good reason, he just smiles. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-6ddf7d9a-040f-4e59-a53b-a16fafb6d016" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Slowly we come to talk about work but on those things he is very reserved, I avoid insisting and he notices and appreciates it, I talk to him very succinctly about me and above all I tell him that I would like to be already retired but I still have to work to many years. We don’t talk about family or private life. Then we move on to politics and on that level we get along very well. Our first meeting ends with the realization that it was a really good evening and the final handshake is much warmer than the initial one. He unexpectedly adds: “We have to meet again …” and I tell him: “Very, very gladly!” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-c617031d-18e1-45a5-8862-4b79c0feb8e5" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">A sympathy was certainly born between us but Andrew could have been my son and I just felt a great melancholy because I was not thirty but almost 60, and everything stopped there. Returning home I seriously thought I would never see him again, but after a few minutes he writes to me: </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-9f95b0bc-6239-4891-8384-57958af9c64c" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">“Dear James, I returned home. Thank you! It was truly a very enjoyable evening. I think you will hear again from me. Thanks again for everything.” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-a76d74a9-5801-4f83-be10-f5c1daff4059" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In fact, since then I’ve heard Andrew at least once a week, but not in the sense that we talked on the phone once a week, no! On the contrary it became an habit for us to go out together in the evenings at least once a week to go around the city and we were happy of it, there was a very special atmosphere. Tis way we slowly trusted each other more and more. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-e9100100-dd80-4fab-9600-c73e791c16e9" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">With the changing of the season and with the arrival of the cold our walks were more and more problematic and either he came to my house or I went to his house, and it was really a new phase, in the sense that, before he came for the first time at my house, I made all the gay books I have in the library disappear, because I thought he might be straight and that seeing certain books would make him uncomfortable. It’s a stupid thought, I know, but anyhow I hid all the gay books. My home had become an absolutely neutral environment. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-316f41f4-f221-45cb-9a65-35008f7de7a5" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">He came to me the first time and we talked for hours, he was melancholy, I didn’t know what to do and the embarrassment was palpable. He said to me: “Don’t pay attention to my melancholy, I’m like this.” His house, when I went there, seemed even more neutral than mine, everything was simple, banal, ordinary, too simple, too banal and too ordinary to be true. This fact, combined with everything that had happened, led me to think that Andrew was gay. Everything was anonymous and there was no trace of emotional life. Little by little he talked to me about his family, his distant and essentially indifferent parents, his older sister who lives in Austria and also about his work in a very important research Institute. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-bf3bf548-8ba6-4d97-aea3-661570f4943e" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">He didn’t ask me questions but slowly allowed me to enter his world. I listened to him for hours, fascinated, then he also told me, almost as if it were an irrelevant detail that “he had lost his head for a guy”, at which point it would not have been dignified not to tell him clearly about me. I told him: “I think you understand that I’m gay too …” And he said to me: “Well, that’s why I’m here …” Once we had clarified this point, we had taken a step forward, but I didn’t understand why he had chosen me as his confidant, because he had had some guys and still had at least one, but evidently he couldn’t have those kinds of conversations with those guys. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-75e3e549-92e8-4943-a720-3045a5cab310" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I must confess, Project, that for me there was nothing easy: doubts, anxieties, scruples have upset my life, because objectively I would never have believed that anything like this could happen to me. I had found a gay friend much younger than me who had taken me seriously, because then our relationship was at that level and at that level, all in all, I could manage it, but slowly I began to understand that Andrew was really sexually attracted from me, something that I would have considered absolutely unthinkable if it hadn’t happened to me firsthand. The fact is that Andrew had at least one other boyfriend, so to say, not a stable boyfriend but, let’s say, a friend of reference. I didn’t understand what Andrew could find in me. I loved him, his image was always present in my mind I was thinking of him a thousand times a day, especially because I wanted to see him smile, but his smile was an absolute rarity. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-435d8018-2334-4173-bb2e-c33b4fee8bb0" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">If you add the fact that Andrew was really a handsome man and wasn’t indifferent to me at all, you can understand that I was on hot coals, on the one hand I wanted him and on the other I thought I had to get away from him as soon as possible. However, he didn’t allow me to escape, he remained close to me, I don’t want to say that he remained close to me in a nagging way but he didn’t leave me the opportunity to break away and cool down the relationship. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-6c34884f-b6da-48a3-9445-6f14d355b79d" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When he started looking for a minimum of physical contact I was really scared, all my contradictions were exploding and I didn’t know how to behave with him, then, in the end, I realized that it was what he wanted and what I wanted even though I was trying to avoid it and so we had our first sexual intercourse one night. I like sex even though, before meeting him, it was almost always more fantasy than reality. I had been with a couple of guys many years ago but it was a completely different thing. I certainly don’t have much experience of love affairs with men but I had never seen someone who lived sex like Andrew, who was totally involved. But somehow he was perplexed because he saw me very hesitant, certainly not disinterested but, let’s say, less deeply involved and he didn’t understand that for me that level of involvement was the highest level possible, sometimes he thought that in sex I acted to make him happy, but it wasn’t like that at all, sex used to make me tired because I’m 30 years older than him. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-7311bb83-5021-48d4-b2da-aeddf988833f" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Don’t believe that it was easy to be with him, sometimes he treated me in a brusque way, especially when I tried to procrastinate and didn’t give him clear answers, this irritated him and sometimes he went away without giving explanations. When it happened the first time, I was very upset because I thought our relationship was over, but then, the next week, he was looking for me again as if nothing had happened. I wonder if a 30-year-old can truly understand how a 60-year-old can live certain moments and the uncertainty that a 60-year-old feels in a situation like ours. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-51d17fc7-8d62-478f-b8a6-8fe67f15abba" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">He sees the immediate but I think that in not many years I will become a ball and chain for him that he will have to get rid of. If you are with a peer, you get older with him and the differences are always limited, but if you are with someone who is 30 years younger than you, you almost wish it would all end as soon as possible, because you understand that even if there is love, the differences are enormous and in any case everything is precarious. At present I don’t know what sense I can have in his life, I can’t understand it, I know he has a boyfriend and he even told me about him, but obviously his boyfriend doesn’t absorb him completely. I’m only afraid that in the end he may take our whole story badly, that he may take it as a crush gone wrong, a personal failure, almost a kind of self-punishing personal degradation. This fear haunted me especially at the beginning, but now it it’s somewhat attenuated. I never look for him, and maybe I do wrong. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-f85d4dde-306d-4626-be2e-84a21fa6553c" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">A year has passed now. With the complications of the lockdown we had met much less, but in the summer we started again. He’s periodically tested with swabs at the Institute where he works and I never leave the house except to do the shopping. I think a lot about him, he’s a good man who feels frail and knows he lacks something to be happy, he looks for that something in sex and doesn’t even find it there and oscillates between sexual frenzy and depression, of course everything within the limits and with common sense but the fact remains that he is not happy. I told him that he’s really charming but he says that his belly is too prominent, which is absolutely not true, and he takes my compliments as a reason to be ironic about himself. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-b8521836-78a8-42fb-a0c0-0e975608a808" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Why does a young man in his thirties and seemingly fulfilled like him, want to maintain a relationship with someone like me? Can I be something similar to the father he didn’t have? Frankly, I don’t think so. He’s in love not with me but with his special friend with whom, however, he doesn’t lack frustrations. I love him, we have some sexual intercourse but frankly, for me, having sex with him it is not only not the essential but it is a concern, a bit for health, even if we are very cautious, but above all because I don’t want him to think I’m taking advantage of his weakness. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-39681cd4-6ce0-4b46-9d4e-dbd6e7943972" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">There is a huge age difference between us, but he is a grown man who knows what he is doing and these fears I should really put them aside and instead they accompany me constantly. I feel very unbalanced, it is true that it is an important thing, I don’t question it, but it is something that has put in crisis the routine to which, for better or worse, I was used to, and has led me to rhythms and problems that are no longer for my age. I ask myself several times if it’s possible or at least if it would be advisable, for him, as well as for me, if I got out of this story, and sometimes I think it would be good for both of us, but then I wonder how I can get out and I don’t find any plausible way. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-1ddabca1-568c-4020-a457-59a036cd6b30" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I can’t make arguments of this kind with him, because he would consider them a betrayal, a bad gesture towards him, for him it’s obvious that we must go on like this, for me it’s not at all. I want to say that when we pass the night together, while it lasts, the two of us are fine, he is fine and I’m fine too, but later, when we are done, the melancholy begins for him and for me the doubts begin. I have never seen him go away happy after a sex meeting with me, he is not unhappy, but he is sad and this scares me, but we don’t talk about it, it’s a taboo subject. I go to bed with him but I don’t have access to his melancholies, sometimes I think he doesn’t even know why he gets those melancholies. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-a575d9dd-d6c9-4843-872a-7229f48d7758" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m so afraid that in the long run I may be considered a negative presence, I have no arguments to say it but it is a feeling that I have had several times. Sometimes I happened to tell him something my melancholy to him, but he silenced me, he told me that I always try to talk about negative things and that he “when he comes to me” he doesn’t want to hear those things, it’s a sign perhaps that he must hear such things too many times in other situations. I wondered if I’m not by chance, for him, just a sexual diversion, but such a thing would make no sense, if only he wanted to, he could very well find a much more interesting company than me, and he did so before. I don’t want to be the sackcloth he has chosen to wear or self-inflict for some reason I can’t understand. In short, I feel really tossed from one extreme to the other.</p><p id="block-40e8c928-92bd-450c-83aa-ae91d3360d14" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">________________________</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" id="block-d963d195-8e1b-4e7d-980d-767a38cd7e55" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-problems-of-an-intergenerational-gay-relationship" rel="nofollow" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-problems-of-an-intergenerational-gay-relationship</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-45845796667421486452020-10-28T23:41:00.004+01:002020-10-28T23:41:14.904+01:00GAY SEX AND CELL PHONE<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">everyone calls me Martin, even if my name is Gabriel, I’m a 26 year old guy who has been working for a few years and who has always dreamed of opening his own business. Unfortunately, now I have also had problems with the covid, but all in all relative, because I’m a computer scientist and I know how to do my job. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">However, this is not what I would like to talk to you about but I want to talk about something that I absolutely cannot stand and for some time has been ruining my life, that is the cell phone. As you can imagine, the mobile phone has no secrets for me, I have an amazing one where there is everything, but I mean everything always and only related to work. You could never find my private, let’s say so, on my mobile phone, because I keep my private only on my home PC. On the home PC I have installed all the possible security systems, in case someone steals it from me, an extremely remote hypothesis, and among other things I live alone and therefore I don’t have to defend myself from anyone’s prying eyes. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I’ve a boyfriend for two years, or better I should say that I had had a boyfriend for two years. There was no possibility of living together because he lived still with his family and his parents didn’t know anything about him but also because I was very reluctant to live together with him, because I didn’t feel sure of him. He’s two years younger than me, he’s a good guy, but I didn’t really feel him interested in me. We were fine together, but relatively. I didn’t feel that need to be with him that I had felt with other guys. It must be said that in the end I couldn’t build anything with those other guys because I felt the need to be with them but they didn’t feel the need to be with me, and then they double-crossed me, they used to tell me that for them there was just me, but anyhow they constantly went around sites and applications to look for other guys. It wouldn’t even bother me too much, but I can’t stand being told lies … Oh my God, maybe I couldn’t even bear the idea of my boyfriend going away with others, I don’t know, but I’d rather not try such experiences. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I will call my boyfriend or ex-boyfriend here by the name I have always given him: Slim, not because he’s particularly slim, rather it is not at all, but since I understood that he liked to be told that it was slim, I started calling it so. Meanwhile, one thing: the other guys I have disgraced them “all” on the ap. I had a doubt, I knew their nick, I registered on that application, I put down two photos a little provocative (even not mine) and they tried immediately to get in touch with me, but when we were together face to face they used to said they never go on that application! It happened to me three times and I sent all the three guys to … (you got it!). With Slim nothing like that, put to the test of facts, he didn’t tell lies, I knew the nick he used on the application, after we got together, he actually didn’t go there anymore. I thought he was going in with another nick and one day I challenged him to show me his cell phone and he said to me: “Ok! But on par! You have to show me yours! ” Since I have nothing personal on the cell phone I use, which is unique and which I also use for work, I told him I agreed and we exchanged cell phones. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Actually he didn’t have anything compromising, but then I thought that he too had a home PC and maybe for some things he used only that, anyway, honestly, I have never been afraid that Slim would betray me, from this point of view he is clean, at least I think, what bothered me was that he always carried his mobile phone with him, even in the bathroom and in the shower! It wasn’t that he carried it around so as not to leave it around because maybe he was afraid that I would go and peek inside, he carried it with him because he always had to be connected with his friends. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I work on my cell phone and can’t wait to turn it off when I can, because I get work calls and sometimes it’s a real obsession, that is, I have to keep it on at least from eight in the morning until ten in the evening, but at ten I turn it off anyway, especially when I’m at home and if people are looking for me for work they will call back the next day. Slim instead no! His cell phone was on 24/7. He always had to have his friends within reach, and he always answered, even to say absurd bullshit, they were friends with whom he laughed like an idiot, in short, with them he seemed really unleashed, which he practically never did with me. He was serious with me, or at least he wasn’t stupid up to that degree. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We used to meet when we could, usually on Saturday nights, he would arrive at my house at ten and stay with me for four hours, more or less, then he had to go home. In those four hours we had to have as much sex as we could, because it was once a week… well, I used to turn off my cell phone, he as usually didn’t the same! Once we started making love and everything was fine, at a certain point his cell phone rings, I tell him: “Close it!” but he doesn’t close it and answers. I was black with rage! But then I let my anger go away and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He stayed on the phone talking about crazy shit for half an hour! But I say: we can only be together for four hours a week and you stay on the phone for half an hour?! Anyway I pretended nothing happened, but by now I felt strange and almost explosive. The sex had gone to hell, but he eventually tried everything to regain ground and the evening ended with some pampering and a promise that the next week we would make up for lost time and sex. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">During the week, I took care not to trouble him with the cell phone problems, thinking that he had understood, he was like a puppy on the phone and the week went on like this. The following Saturday, he arrives at me at ten, while he goes to the bathroom for a moment, I turn off his cell phone, thinking it is a foregone conclusion, but then I forget to tell him. We start making love but I see him strange, at midnight I see him very strange and I ask him what is happening it and he tells me that he is worried because Matthew and Francis didn’t call him, while they had told him that they would call him before eleven. I tell him that I turned off his cell phone because I thought that, after what had happened the previous Saturday, it was a foregone conclusion. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">He looks at me with disappointment. He immediately turns on his mobile phone, finds unanswered calls from Matthew and Francis and immediately calls them back and as soon as he talks to them he makes a face as radiant as the sun, while the face he had made for me was between angry and perplexed. I find it hard to hold back my anger, I go to make coffee and pretend nothing has happened, and he spends half an hour with Matthew, when they say goodbye I go back to the room, but he tells me that now he has to call Francis, otherwise Francis would worry, and attacks with another endless series of crap with Francis, I would beat him up but I don’t, I don’t tell him anything. He sees me dark in the face and asks me: “What’s wrong? Nothing happened! Are you jealous?”</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I don’t answer his phone calls all the week long. He gets worried and sends me a message and asks me: “See you Saturday night?” I answer him: “Only on one condition.” And he immediately asks me: “Which one?” I place my condition: “That you don’t carry your cell phone with you.” I expect a simple ok! Maybe even apologizing, but his reaction is totally different! He Turns up the tone and takes it out on me because I am “mad jealous” and I want to take away his freedom. And here I couldn’t stand him anymore and I said: “I don’t want to take anything away from you but if you have to think about many other things even when you stay with me, maybe it is better that you feel totally free!” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In practice it was a definitive farewell, at least I meant it that way, but he didn’t understand that either and kept bombarding me with messages. When I closed the phone I was very bad and maybe he too. It’s been 10 days now and we haven’t heard from each other anymore, I have very bad sensations. I don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow and I don’t know what he will do. He went back to the usual sites and I went back there too, but it is absurd that a serious story should end like this for the cell phone!</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">______________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-sex-and-cell-phone" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-sex-and-cell-phone</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-91908849658241709702020-10-28T23:28:00.004+01:002020-10-28T23:28:22.668+01:00GAY SEX AND MELANCHOLY<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">we met on chat last winter and you were the only one who told me that my story with Max was a very serious thing and I think it really is. I’m sending you these reflections of mine to update you, perhaps they could be included in the forum, I would like it. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Yesterday I spent the night with Max, the guy I’ve known for several years, who is not my boyfriend, because I don’t have a boyfriend, but with whom it sometimes happens. Our sex night has been very different from how people imagine these things. Seen from the outside, everything would be normal, sex, in behavior, is more or less always the same, but lived with a strong emotional involvement it can take on a thousand meanings, even apparently contradictory: participation and detachment, illusion of having involved the other in our world and acknowledgment that this is not the case, and in particular sexual participation and affective detachment on the one hand and strong affective participation and decidedly weaker sexual involvement on the other. The asymmetries between me and Max are apparently profound but the similarities are certainly deeper and our asymmetries have progressively reduced over the years and in any case have never been destructive. I know well that this is not the classic language of lovers, but there are many kinds of love, some of them lead to the need to absolutize and mythologize opening the door to hopes and dreams without foundation, others pass through this stage without too many dreams. The illusion that sex can solve all problems, can remove anxious people from anxiety, the indifferent ones from indifference and can create that magical atmosphere that is a bit like the Arab Phoenix, which everyone talks about, even if it doesn’t exist, unfortunately it is a weak postulate of sexuality that doesn’t stand up to comparison with reality.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">All this doesn’t mean at all that sex has no meaning because it doesn’t work miracles, but that it can have another meaning, even partial and relative, and that this other meaning, a liberating meaning because it is communicative, affective and stabilizing, in some cases can become the most important one. You can have sex with enthusiasm or even out of desperation, of course, sex may not solve everything, but it is still a help, a different way of looking for a real contact that can also be frustrating but can, despite everything, allow a form of communication that would be very difficult to realize verbally. My sexual contacts with Max have apparently always been problematic. He cares a lot about sex, and especially when he’s alone, he’s looking for me to have sex. When he’s not looking for me, I know he’s found a boyfriend and all in all he’s fine with him. It seems paradoxical, but I’m happy when he doesn’t look for me, but not because I feel bad with him or because I want an exclusivity from him that I don’t find, but simply because I know that if he doesn’t look for me it is because he is fine and does not need me. Do I need him? I’ve asked myself this many times, of course he hasn’t been the only guy in my life, but he has been certainly the only important guy. During the day I think about him many times, I’m convinced that he is an excellent person from all points of view, physically he embodies my ideal type, if I were to lose him definitively, a hypothesis that seems objectively unrealistic to me, because we have known each other for a long time and our relationship has gone through storms of all kinds without falling apart, I think I would feel very bad, but if it happened because he found a guy and feels fulfilled, well, then I would accept it, but losing him with the awareness that he is abandoned to his melancholy, well, I wouldn’t accept this, it would make me feel really bad, I would consider it a heavy failure of my life. I don’t want him to be mine, even if I would like it, I want him to be happy!</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Max had called me three days ago after a long silence that lasted more than two months, but in those two months he hadn’t completely disappeared, he had called me a couple of times for a few seconds to ask me how I was and to tell me that he had found a guy with which he was fine. He knows that receiving news of this kind, for me, it is a positive thing and his phone calls are due precisely to this. Three days ago he calls me and it is evident that he is not well, the enthusiasm is no longer there and melancholy reigns supreme, he speaks little, he only says very significant things and listens. The phone call ends well, at least as far as possible, but it is clear that he is alone or that at least he feels alone despite everything. Yesterday afternoon he calls me and tells me that he will come to me in the late evening, I tell him that I’m waiting for him and that I’m pleased to see him, which is very true. While I was waiting for him I changed the bed linen and the pillow case, cleaned the room a bit and open the windows, I can’t deny that I was happy to see him again.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Last night I did everything to put Max at ease, at certain moments he was serene, distracted, he smiled, joked, it was a wonderful thing, and for me those were the most beautiful moments, those I try to impress in my memory, but in other times, if I looked into his eyes, I realized that he was on the verge of crying, He participated in sex with me, at least in certain moments, but didn’t completely detach himself from his problems and thoughts, I would have done everything to get him away from his frustrations and his feelings of emptiness, I was under the illusion that sex could do this miracle, but obviously it was impossible. The deep reasons for his melancholy were there, they had not been eliminated and they smoldered like fire under the ashes, you could see them in his eyes. I had my sexual problems with him last night, as it has happened at other times, I would have told him about it, as I have done other times, but he looked me straight in the eyes and passed his index finger in front of his mouth as if to tell me to shut up and that there was no need to say anything, because in fact he didn’t care about sex. Sex was the official reason for our meeting, but the real reason was to realize that we still exist for each other and to see that the mutual physical attraction, that confirms that there is a real interest on the other side, still exists between us, and that nothing has failed or changed at least between us. He never points out the failures or weaknesses of others, but only his own. I asked him if he was disappointed in me, he replied that he was not at all disappointed but that he saw me tired, and I really was, because in fact he has much more resistance than me. What was the point of having sex with me if in the end, even if he wasn’t disappointed, he still didn’t succeed in removing his melancholy? I think that behind all this there is a desire to be accepted for who he really is. In sex he has patience, he is very sweet, he guides me, he never gets angry, and with me patience is really needed.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">The nakedness of the body is the symbol of the nakedness of the soul. Spending time naked, together, without sex, but only to rest when a bit of fatigue occurs, gives the feeling of being fully accepted by the other because that non-sexual moment is probably more important than everything else, because it is a moment of normality: you stay with your partner as you would be with yourself, you don’t involve him in a moment of sexual performance but in a moment of your daily life, you don’t have to prove anything to him, you just have to be as you are. But anyhow that deep loneliness that comes from the knowledge, real or assumed, that you will never have what you really want and that your whole life will be filled with substitutions and substitutes for what you really want cannot be broken, not even this way. The feeling that that state of dissatisfaction that has grayed your life up to now will manifest itself anyway, identical or almost, many other times it seems a granite certainty that will condition and devalue the future.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">He noticed that last night I never said no to him, that I followed him in everything and this fact gratified him a little, not so much for the sex but because he understands that if I don’t tell him no it means that I realize that he feels really bad. In certain moments, I would say in the moments when he was further away from his negative thoughts, I think he had the feeling that a strong bond was being created between us, but he would have wanted to create that kind of bond with another person with whom he knows he cannot create anything like that, and therefore something that in itself could be beautiful has turned into another frustrating thought, and I think his wet eyes were due precisely to this.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">What does it mean to love and be loved? Each of us, at different times, gives different meanings to those words and they are often incompatible meanings: bond and freedom; selfishness and altruism; happiness and martyrdom. Why does a very handsome guy, very intelligent and in many non-affective respects even very fulfilled, end up crushed, at least in certain moments, by depression, by the idea that the world sucks and that the future can only be worse than the present? I have known Max for many years and I love him but I realize that our acquaintance, which is also a long-standing acquaintance, based on mutual respect and affection, cannot alleviate his melancholy. Max has an extreme need for affection but always claims his autonomy, his not wanting to depend on anyone. His self-esteem largely depends on the level of his autonomy. He tries to reconcile the fact of being loved with the fact of being totally free, perhaps with me he succeeds but with others this attempt ends always in a failure.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">By now, several hours have passed since our sex night and I keep thinking about it, and the dominant feeling is that there was something not expressed, that sex was just an excuse to be accepted with all his melancholy. I tried to understand how he could feel, but except for the slightest flashes of smile, very few but very beautiful, the dominant tone was one of sadness. At one point we stopped and he started talking to me about his frustrations and his sadness, and deep down he didn’t understand the cause of it. In a way, he accepts half things from me, but from the guys he is really interested in he would like total involvement, but even there he finds only half things and tells himself that he is better off alone, but then he doesn’t accept the idea of being alone and looks for me and in the end he realizes that he is alone even when he’s with me and so he comes back to his melancholy. He tells me that I behave with him a bit like he behaves with the guys he cares about, in the sense that I always say yes and I try to please him and then I feel bad because he doesn’t correspond to me, or at least at the affective level, he does not correspond to me as I would like. I tried to make him understand that I love him, but this expression, spoken by me, scares him, I told him that I’m not at all upset that he has sex with other guys, but I wish he wasn’t sad and he could manage to chase out that black melancholy that he carries inside, but this discourse seems strange to him, as if behind it there was the desire to cage him, to take away his freedom.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Last night my sexual behaviors were hesitant, we were having sex, nevertheless I was afraid to caress his face, afraid to kiss him, which I haven’t done in a very long time, because these things make him think that I fell in love with him and that between us a dissymmetrical and sick relationship is taking place. We can have sex, but exchanging tenderness, cuddles, it would be difficult for him to accept it, but not because he considers such behaviors childish or too sweet but because of the emotional content they express. I think of sex above all as the physical proximity of the guy I love, for him to associate sex and affectivity is difficult, he has dreamed of it with other people, but he has never realized his dream and at least, with me, he finds something similar to what he has dreamed of. The emotional involvement on my part is deep and he realizes it but at the same time he fears it, because he doesn’t want to end up in anyone’s orbit. He confuses love and addiction, for him the two things are essentially identical. He has always told me that he is not in love with me and he has always been convinced that I was in love with him, in reality I love him, in the sense that I would like to see him happy because he has unique virtues that not even he knows he has, he is not aggressive, he is not angry with others but with himself, he does not complain, he does not reproach. Last night I asked him if he was disappointed and he told me that he was satisfied instead, but this means that he felt satisfied not with the sex but with the fact that the wall built by me against his melancholy has not collapsed and that I remain close to him despite all, I think the meaning of the evening was just that. I know well that when he is with me he doesn’t think of me, except in some magical moments, and that he always carries with him the heavy baggage of his thoughts and this is precisely what I would like to happen less and less, I don’t say I would like it happen nevermore because I know it will happen anyway. I would like the spaces of clear weather on a gray day to become many and long, that that light smile would be seen more often, that those eyes were not so often wet with melancholy.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I love one thing above all about him, honesty, the fact that he never acts a role, that he wants to be accepted even in what he considers his weakest sides, his contradictions. It strikes me a lot when he tells me he wants to be alone, because he doesn’t say it thinking of me but the guys he is in love with and who don’t return his love, he feels those bonds as forms of addiction. He loves those guys but he realizes that they don’t love him the same way, they wouldn’t feel really bad if he broke away from them, after a few weeks they wouldn’t call him anymore because mentally they would have already gone their own way. He never tells me that he wants to break away from me very simply because he doesn’t feel me like a bond, he realizes that I can never be a viable hypothesis for him and this fact reassures him, he’s aware that, despite some pampering too much, I will not try to cage him, that I will be there when he needs me, as on the other hand he has been there when I needed him, but in my loving him I will leave him free. He knows that ours is anyhow a stable relationship, which has lasted for years and doesn’t claim to become a bond at any level. We rarely hear each other, we see each other even more rarely, when we see each other there is a little bit of sex, which by his standards I don’t think is very exciting, but above all there is that little bit of emotional warmth that he lacks. When we make love, he hugs me very strongly and these are the moments when she is better and puts aside other thoughts. Sex, for him, is a way of expressing himself that I think in most cases remains completely misunderstood. Sex for him is affectivity embodied and when I see him happy to be with me, because sometimes it happens, I think that, even if he devalues these things, it also gives my presence an important emotional value. He tells me I’m not his type but he’s fine with me. He tells me that he appreciates the fact that I don’t judge him, that I don’t shoot stupid sentences, that I know how to shut up at the right moment, that I never keep him under pressure, that I have the perception of the limit, he sees these things as a form of hesitation and respect. He feels that I try to make him feel good, he is not afraid of me, he trusts me, at least up to a certain point, he can talk about his melancholy, his failures, his way of feeling inadequate to build truly mutual relationships. In fact he is not the guy who attracts people, to appreciate him you have to know him closely, his frankness is unsettling, but if he loves you even a little, he doesn’t forget you, he doesn’t bury you in the past. With his ex-boyfriends, at least with the serious ones, because there have also been some, in the end he maintained a relationship, sporadic but real.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When I talk to him, it strikes me that his answers are always different from how I expect them. I feel that he is another, he is not my double, he doesn’t talk just to talk, he doesn’t always agree with me, he doesn’t trivialize but takes me seriously, he listens to me, he remembers the things I tell him. I don’t know how to define our relationship and I think it cannot be defined by any common category, we are both strange, we are different but we understand each other, we are also different in sexuality but in the end we found our balance and I didn’t think it would happen, neither on his part nor on mine, and instead it happened. There is not the slightest embarrassment, we know our physical and mental limits and we don’t let ourselves be conditioned. I’ve had other guys, let’s say less complicated, but with him it’s different, he never made stupid talk about sex, after I met him in my life there has been no room for anyone else. I met a lot of very beautiful guys, but he is different, he is not my boyfriend but I love him in a deep way.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">______________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-sex-and-melancholy" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-sex-and-melancholy</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-8574174602994465222020-10-28T23:13:00.002+01:002020-10-28T23:13:20.506+01:00GAY COUPLES AND LOAVES WITH PORK ROAST<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project, </span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">we met in person in 2012 and spent a day together. You may remember that in the morning we went to the Museum of Roman Antiquities and in the afternoon to Villa Borghese. You were exactly my father’s age and I’m writing to you for this very reason: my father is dead and I miss him, I miss him a lot. He also resembled you physically and you reasoned in very similar ways. When I was 20 I had the problem of whether or not to tell my parents that I was gay and for the first time I talked about it with you. On this point you were very careful. Three years later things in my life have changed radically, but since you don’t know the facts, it’s good that I tell you them in order. My father had been a widower for 5 years at the time, I had lost my mother at 15 and my father had not remarried and in practice from 15 on I grew up with my father. He was not very expansive, he used to speaking little, especially after my mother’s death, but was also very rational, especially when he had to think about me. He used to get up very early in the morning, made me breakfast and went to work, he left me a total freedom which I never took advantage of, he never acted in front of me like a man experienced in life affairs who had to teach me how to behave. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When I entered University, in a faculty to tell the truth not particularly easy, I found myself with a very assorted group of colleagues, from those obsessed with studying (very rare people) to those absolutely use to do absolutely nothing and convinced that they would graduate because they were “intelligent”. I did not feel particularly intelligent and initially I found myself in enormous difficulty, especially due to the total absence of scholastic preparation in Mathematics and Physics. I thought that if I had given up I wouldn’t have many other chances and I did my best to make up for my remote shortcomings. And here my father has been a great man. He didn’t understand anything about Mathematics and Physics, but he began to study with me and he did it with care and love. We used to study, then stop for a snack and then we restarted to study. In practice, I passed all the exams of the first year studying with my father who, I repeat, had started from scratch. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">The second year I felt able to follow the lessons without help and I started to study with Peter, a colleague of mine who had to take my same exams. We studied together and my father used to bring us tea with biscuits in the afternoon, and to prepare lunch for us when I studied with Peter at my home, but he used also to prepare dinner for me, when I studied with Peter at his home and used to come back at dinner time. I liked Peter, at the time I only knew this: that he was a good guy and that I liked him and also that he wanted to study seriously. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">The second year ended well, with Peter we studied hard, we wasted no time, studying was not an excuse to stay together, it was really the basic purpose of our common work, and we were good with each other. I didn’t have the courage to tell Peter that I had fallen in love with him. I don’t know what my father understood, but I noticed that at a certain point, when Peter was at home, my father would go out and return directly to dinner time. At the beginning I didn’t give weight to this “detail” but it was a form of respect. I used to talk a lot about me and Peter and I was very proud of what we were doing, my father approved, always in his very reserved way. We took the three-year degree and enrolled for the specialist degree. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">At a certain point, without any formal admission neither on his part nor on mine, Peter and I began to understand that “maybe” we were both gay. One day a very handsome guy passed in front of us and Peter said: “What a handsome guy!” and I nodded yes and my eyes probably sparkled more than usual. He said looking straight into my eyes: “Then I guess I wasn’t wrong! I was afraid that my imagination had flown too high.” Then we stared into each other’s eyes for about ten seconds. There was no need to add more, we were now a couple. With Peter we understood each other immediately, the words were very few and in a sense, even if with very few words, we talked about everything with the utmost freedom. There was no space between us for psychological discussions of any kind, we had a study goal but that for us was already “our” goal, that is, our goal as a couple, we knew very well that after university we would still be together. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I told him I didn’t know what to do with my father, he replied that he thought it would happen without any particular problem. Peter, in these things, was much more skilled than me and was able to see much further than me. After those days our behavior became much more casual, even at home and in front of my father, and my father had the confirmation of how things really were between me and Peter, assuming he had not understood it before, But I think that very likely he had understood everything from the beginning. Obviously my father would never have talked to us about the fact that we were a couple, even though he had understood it perfectly well because he thought it would be inappropriate anyway. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">One day Peter and I found ourselves talking with my father about the university and we began not only to boast of having done well but also to give opinions not so positive on some of our colleagues who had dropped out of school. My father at first listened and did not intervene. Note, Project, that Peter at that time called my father by name, without having any problems. Then, at the end of the evening, my father told us that he had to tell us something important. We thought he wanted to ask us about our relationship and we felt embarrassed but the speech was completely different from what we expected. My father intervened with his calm but also with his decision: “Guys, you have worked so hard and you have done important things but you must not judge the guys who have stopped on the road, never forget that you have also had many fortunes, above all the good fortune to meet and study together.” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Peter and I blushed, and Peter caught the ball and said to my father: “Albert, for a moment I thought you wanted to ask us about our relationship, I mean the one between me and Aldo …” My father just said: “No , I understood that you love each other and that’s a good thing, that’s is your freedom, and there is nothing more beautiful than loving each other. You are two good guys and I’m happy that you met and that you are fine together. Your happiness is my happiness! The problem is not this, that you, guys, love each other it’s fine but never judge your neighbor, because, before judging, the life of others should be known from within. Now I’m going to tell you something I only said to my wife, but I think it’s time to tell you too. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When I was a boy I went through very difficult times, you see me now, but I wasn’t always like this, when I was a boy they couldn’t handle me. I was very frustrated by the school that I could digest by no way and by the relationships with my parents, who sometimes I hated deeply because they humiliated me in public and, as my father told me, they wanted to straighten my back but by dint of slaps and blows . I don’t want to talk bad about my father, because he drank and didn’t control himself, he was violent, he beat my mother and me with the belt and he behaved like an animal. It happened that I ran away from school in middle school and he took me back to humiliate me and insult me in front of my classmates. He thought he was a strong man who was respected but they feared him because when he drank he was really out of his mind. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I was always around hanging out with some criminals of my age, who used to steal and did damage to the traders, trying to extort some money. As long as it was about being braggart with girls and acting like a bully, I liked doing it, but I felt it was wrong to go and break shop windows, but my friends told me I had to prove I was a man and show my courage. In practice, according to them, I had at least once to go and break the window of the delicatessen shop under my house, it was a small external window, and I broke it deliberately, I was about 15-16 years old, no more. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">The owner was an old man who knew me, he had seen that it was me the one who had broken the window and he also knew where I lived, because sometimes had delivered the shopping to my house, and I was afraid he would report me to the police, but this seemed to me quite unlikely, I was much more afraid he would go and tell my father all the story because my father would have beaten me badly. Inside I was scared but with the guys of my gang I had to be a braggart. The old man did not come to my house and my father remained calm, I didn’t know what to think. The next day, before going to school, I passed the delicatessen and the old man kindly motioned me to come closer, I was afraid, but I saw him all in all calm and I didn’t know what to say. I made the scene of the one who didn’t know who had broken the window: “They broke your window … but do you know who did it?” And he told me. “Yes I know it was you … but are you going to school?” I said yes and he said to me, “Wait a minute!” He went into the shop and a minute later he came back with a wrapped bundle and said to me:” This is a loaf with pork roast, it’s good! But you has to start studying seriously. Don’t go around doing damage because you can find people who if you break their shop window can ruin you! Did you understand?” I nodded yes and added an awkward half smile, then waved a wave and walked away. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In short, after that morning I began go past the delicatessen every day before going to school and above all I started going to school again, and every day there was a different snack. This story went on until the year of the final exam. In January they closed the delicatessen for mourning, the old man was gone. Seeing that closed delicatessen caused me a violent reaction of tears, it was the first time that I had not cried out of hatred but because I had lost a person who had believed in me. I didn’t end up drifter or delinquent because I found the butcher, but if I hadn’t found him who knows where I would be now. Perhaps Aldo would not be there and you would never have met him. What you two are experiencing now you also owe it to the butcher, even if you have never heard of him before. Remember what you have had from life. You are a couple of guys, and that’s okay, but you have to be a couple of good guys not only with each other but with those who are worse off than you. I’m not homosexual and I’ve wondered many times why that old man prepared a loaf for me every day, I don’t know if he was married or had children, maybe he was gay too, I don’t know, and in any case, we’ll never know, but he changed my life!” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Peter loved my father, when my father was ill and was hospitalized we were always close to him “together” to the point that people thought we were brothers. My father never raised the issue of accepting a gay son, such an idea never crossed his mind. He said, “Whether and how accept a gay son? What a strange issue! … I had two gay sons, one better than the other!” He passed away at the end of 2019 and for us it was an excruciating loss. Peter, if he thinks about it, tears come to his eyes and for me it’s just the same, and when it happens we hug each other very tightly until we almost hurt ourselves. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Project, this story is above all a tribute to my father. He taught me many things I didn’t know and also that a pork roast loaf can give birth to happiness even 50 years later! It sounds unbelievable but things went exactly so.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">______________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-couples-and-loaves-with-pork-roast" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-couples-and-loaves-with-pork-roast</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-18420428109676817612020-10-28T22:59:00.005+01:002020-10-28T22:59:46.081+01:00GAY GUYS AND OVER 30 CRISIS<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I have read so many of the things you have posted in the forum, your and others’ things, that I seem to understand your way of reasoning. I especially liked real stories. I understand that there is also a need to catalog, but the human world is that of individuals and not that of categories. I especially liked the “non-standard” stories as you call them, even if, I tell you frankly, stories of that kind have never happened to me, and are certainly exceptions rather far from becoming the rule.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">There is a problem that I often think about these days and it is the loss of affective values as we age, I’m not talking about old age, in which you perhaps may lose sexuality or the urgency of sexuality, but I think that anyway affectivity remains. I’m referring to the thirty years old or better to the first years after thirty which for me are the most complicated age in the life of other guys, in which affectivity fades to the advantage of sexuality. I’m 40 years old now and honestly, when I was around the age of 30 and immediately afterwards I didn’t go through a cooling of affectivity because my affectivity has always been very slowed down by education and a thousand objective impossibilities. In the guys I have known very closely, however, I have practically always seen the crisis of affectivity after the age of thirty. Generally they reproach me for not giving space to sexuality and for “chatting too much” but also for being depressed, for putting people in a bad mood, depressing them and extinguishing their enthusiasm, especially sexual, with too melancholy speeches. The guys I have been with, after the initial period of falling in love, didn’t try to build a solid relationship with me, on the contrary they tended to move away whenever the emotional dimension became or risked becoming prevalent. There was a recurring situation that systematically put me in crisis and that is the fact that when a guy was depressed, angry, frustrated and so on, not for reasons dependent on me but for other reasons, he used to tell me: “What a terrible shit day today!” and this was always both the starting and the ending of the conversation, that is, guys didn’t allow me to enter the world of their frustrations and private melancholies. I would have liked a real dialogue and instead the whole discourse either referred strictly to sex and only to that or it became so academic and theoretical up to losing any interest. I had a sexual intimacy with those guys, but only that, as for the rest they were closed worlds in which I wasn’t allowed to enter. I really loved some of these guys, because there had been also periods when we were not just a couple of strangers who meet to have sex and that’s it, but then, after the honeymoon, the emotional distancing began, not the sexual one, which was generally much slower. I have always thought I could be much more attractive on an emotional level than on a sexual one and instead for those guys it was exactly the opposite. I asked myself many times what they could find in me and I never understood it. But if you not only have sex with a guy but you realize that he cares, not about you, but about having sex with you, what is the value of the sex we have together? Sometimes, and I emphasize this, only a few times, I have felt used. Let’s understand each other well: it was okay for me to have sex with those guys, but I couldn’t stand it all ending there, and instead it always happened like this. We used to sleep together but we weren’t even friends, because you talk to a friend and listen to him while we used to go on just to perform sexually. Maybe they were afraid of emotional bonds? Maybe they had been emotionally badly scalded sometimes. I remember a guy I had seen one afternoon and after we had done what we had to do, when I asked him to stay with me a little longer but, note well, after sex, he replied that he couldn’t because he had to go out with friends. But why do you come and have sex with me if then going out with friends is more important than being with me? But obviously I couldn’t ask him such a question. Many times I have tried to put myself in those guys’ shoes and I seemed to understand that deep down they may have their motivations, because they are not stupid, but in the end I realize that my interest in those guys has gone away too, fading over the years. At first I used to see them as central figures in my life, I repeat, in the phase of falling in love and honeymoon, then things changed and I too began to distance, not that I didn’t care anymore, but that interest strong, that physical need of the early days had vanished. Before we used to meet very often, they called me and I called them, then I stopped calling them and they continued, but they didn’t even ask me how I was, they used to go immediately to the concrete proposal: “I’ll come to you and then we have to (omissis) What do you say?” So, Project, let’s also assume that these guys after the honeymoon are tired of my affection and continue to look for me only for sex, which doesn’t upset me at all, because little by little you get used to everything, but, I wonder, will they ever fall in love seriously, that is, permanently, with someone? They are not kids, they are adults and no longer very young. It’s true that we are all very different and that there are no general rules, but by dint of devaluing affectivity we end up being alone and nothing is built. You will tell me that they have devalued my affectivity and maybe they have taken a terrible crush on other guys, and it could also be true, but I haven’t lost sight of these guys at all and I can tell you that they don’t seem at all like guys happy with themselves. Don’t tie yourself up too much! Ok, I’m fine with this thought that in the end belongs to me too, I can understand it but sooner or later we must also start to put some fixed points. A guy once gave me a serious talk and opened my eyes to something that I have always greatly underestimated because I used to take it for granted, that guy told me that I was lucky but I shouldn’t allow myself to judge others, because if one wins a lottery he must not allow himself to judge those who have not won it. I have often thought that many of my basic certainties are such because they have never measured themselves against reality. Basically, I use very abstract arguments because I have always found myself on the side of the guy who is neglected at emotional level. In theory I complain about this thing but in the end it suits me and if some guys became fond of me as I was fond of them, in the end I would be the one who runs away. So: flash in the pan! All the reasoning in smoke! In fact I don’t mind that somehow they drift away and that in any case there remains a sexual interest for a long time, in theory it seems silly to me but in practice it has its logic: the fundamental thing is to save one’s freedom! Everyone wants a companion, but they want him how and when they want him, if he’s not according to their model, they look for another one that is closer to their model and above all they want a partner when they want him, because on many occasions he becomes a brake, a bond, a weight to carry around that takes away your freedom. If it’s cold, everyone wants a blanket at the campsite in the evening, but during the day they don’t want to carry their rucksacks. It is understandable but inconsistent. I will never understand the meaning of sex only for sex and yet until now I have found only that. In the thirty-year-olds I met, I saw the tendency towards widening the horizon of possible relationships, but not that towards deepening them. I have often wondered why, despite everything, the sexual interest didn’t fail. It’s clear that, if you spread sexual interest over several people, out of necessity contacts must thin out, however, why don’t they completely disappear? And here I have an answer. My thirty-year-olds gave terrible judgments about their mates with whom they had had stories ended badly and I talk about judgments about people and I think that with those people they ceased all contacts even those of sex, while about me they said that I was depressed, boring, that I used to extinguish their enthusiasm, but they didn’t have a negative opinion and somehow things went on and then they also told me that I was hypocritical because they said I dodged the talk about sex and even sexual innuendo but anyhow I liked sex a lot, and in a way it is true. But with a hypocrite who first acts as a depressed moralist and then tells you yes, you can also have sex, while with someone who shows you all the enthusiasm and then, when you need something, doesn’t even listen to you and disconnects your phone, well, it is obvious that things are different. I have never said no, or only very few times, also because my thirties were honest with me and never made fun of me. In a way I was lucky. Some of these sporadic relationships of only sex still exist, they are sporadic relationships, it is true, apparently very elementary, that after all I have said, for me should be meaningless, yet they are human contacts that I feel are important. They are marginal in the sense that they certainly don’t invade my whole life, they have nothing extraordinary, yet they have a human dimension that has its own dignity. One said to me: “I come to you when I’m worse off, I come to have sex but I know that if something pushes me towards melancholy and I don’t feel like having sex you won’t send me to hell and perhaps it will even better for you. You are available, for others it’s either sex or it doesn’t make sense, for you it’s different.” He asked me if I pitied him, if I felt sorry for him and such! I replied that he made me feel an infinite tenderness, because he seemed to me a lost soul looking for a quite harbor. He smiled at me and all ended there. Many years have passed and I still see this guy now but at very long intervals, of a month or even two, and I’m glad when he remembers me. When he arrives, he always asks me if I’m in love with someone, he means with other guys, I flash to him my best smile as to say that there are no other guys, and he smiles in turn, and that strikes me a lot. I let him do whatever he likes better, I want him to feel completely comfortable. There are very few words between us. He expects me to never tell him no, but he also adjusts to me and asks me only for things that are good for me too. It is he who leads the sexual game but he does it with respect, with delicacy. These things seem silly but qualify the person. I would like the relationship with this guy, whom I think about with tenderness quite often, to become I don’t say stable but just a little more stable and frequent. Deep down, I know that it won’t happen. It would be enough for me to go on like this, maybe seeing each other once a month or every two months, and instead I’m afraid of losing him permanently. I would like to have a place in his life, the place he wants, as marginal as he wants, but I wish he wouldn’t forget me. I know he needs more and this is not a problem, or rather it wouldn’t be if he didn’t end up forgetting about me. Is it a fallback solution? Am I wasting my time on totally stupid fantasies? Maybe so, but in the end, this relationship has stood the test of time, it’s a light, fragile thing, apparently made of only sex, but perhaps not only. I don’t know what to think, Project, I haven’t looked for another guy, because he somehow exists in my life, he is not a meteor that explodes and disappears, you know that sooner or later you’ll see him again, or at least you hope it will be so. At the moment I don’t know if I will see him again but I know I would like it.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">What do you think about Project?</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">p.s.: obviously do what you want with the email. I would like to know if any of the guys have had similar experiences.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">_________________________________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-guys-and-over-30-crisis" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-guys-and-over-30-crisis</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-83055369452206055462020-10-21T16:00:00.003+02:002020-10-21T16:00:14.089+02:00STORY OF A GAY BULLY<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project, </span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m a guy 25 year old who already feels worn out by life and I’m writing to you on a leaden and slightly cold day. It’s all wet on the ground, the leaves on the sidewalks are reduced to mush, it’s after nine in the evening and I’ve just come home from work, in my little house where the total confusion reigns. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m the rebellious only child, or rather the strange only child, of an ordinary family. My parents, like me, are nothing exceptional, they are not bad, but they are not good, they have no feelings of their own, they do what they have learned to do and they don’t care about anything else. With me as a child they were obsessive, overprotective, then from 15-16 years onwards, I began to not stand them anymore, to face them with a bad face and they let themselves be put under by me, I got completely free and loose and I began to do everything I wanted: to screw up the school, because they promoted everyone and tolerated everything; I used to stay away from home until late in the evening and my parents didn’t say anything to me, they were almost afraid of me, I was a brawler, rude not only to them but to everyone and nobody dared to stop me, they feared me. I had no friends, because they didn’t tolerate me, I raised my voice, I threatened them screaming and they didn’t show up anymore and I felt strong this way. I started bullying a classmate of mine, I enjoyed terrifying him and he put up with everything. I felt strong, dominant. Instead of sex I liked better being the boss, the one that keeps others under. The guy I used to terrify was called Jake, known as Redhead, and I got to slap him in public just for fun. Now I realize that only a moron behaves like this, but at that time I felt strong, the one who can do anything. I scared Redhead so much that he thought it was better for him to change schools to feel comfortable and so he went away before Christmas. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Those days, if you had asked me whether I was straight or gay I would have answered I was straight, do you realize it, Project? In the fourth year I had sex with three girls, who were fascinated by me, at least until they knew me, but once they realized what type of guy I was they all left, they just disappeared. Every time, I concluded that they were stupid like chickens and started looking for another girl, not to fall in love but just to have sex, to have a harem to show and feel like the sultan, I didn’t give a damn about them. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">The last year of school things changed, Mario arrived in class, and as for girls he wanted to be the rooster in the hen house and he wanted to do what I had always done, that is, he wanted to impose his law, and obviously I couldn’t allow him. But Mario was worse than me: he used to give orders and everyone obeyed him, he asked everyone for money and they gave money to him, he asked someone to go and get him a snack at the internal store, obviously also paying out of his own pocket, and if the guy made a fuss he used to hit him in the face until his teeth broke or so and once he went so far as to reduce a boy’s face to a mask of blood. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Of course no one ever said anything. The teachers pretended not to see and the thing was officially non-existent. My classmates were afraid and so was I, but between Mario, who was a real criminal and me, they preferred me and it didn’t take long for my role to change, I was no longer the boss of the class but became the protector of my classmates, or at least they saw me that way. Mario came from a family known in the neighborhood for bad stories and I was really scared. He wasn’t a stupid bully like me, but he was inside an organization that was really criminal. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">One day there was a training session at school and one of my classmates had brought his computer from home in agreement with the teacher. Mario made it disappear, that is, he stole it from him, and I saw that he had stolen it but he said that I had stolen it. We started arguing and we ended up in the principal’s office, who, if he could, he would have pretended nothing happened, but he couldn’t. The principal said that if the computer had come out the matter would have ended there, but otherwise he would have informed the Police. The next day the computer didn’t come out and we ended up in the Police barracks. The complaint was against unknown thieves, but I stated that I had seen Mario stealing the computer and Mario declared that he had seen me, obviously one of us was lying. The day after, Mario stopped coming to school and we haven’t heard from him anymore. A week later I was called to the barracks and they told me that I had been completely cleared. I went to the principal to ask what had happened, he just told me that he was very happy that I was cleared but he didn’t add a single word about Mario. I didn’t insist and went back to class and told my classmates that they had completely cleared me. They welcomed me like a hero because I had freed them from Mario. I didn’t expect anything like this. By now the relationships with my mates had changed, they joked with me, they were no longer afraid of me, or maybe I had changed at least a little, they smiled at me, invited me to their house and we spent Sundays together. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">At this point the second part of my story begins. The first part had been about my changing from bully to patron saint and the second you will immediately understand what is about. One of my prettiest classmates (Mary) starts to lose her mind for me, but the music here is totally different from the stories with the three girls I had before, she had really lost her mind, she was in love and she really suffered from it, but I wasn’t in love with her and I felt terribly embarrassed to say no to a girl who was really in love with me, I didn’t know how to behave, I didn’t want to disappoint her but I couldn’t delude her. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">One day she asks me to go out with her and I accept, we take a long walk and she confesses that she fell in love with me. I tell her that I have noticed it but that I have not encouraged her because I’m not in love with her. She starts to cry, but then she wipes her eyes and tells me: “But I will love you anyway! You are a very good guy! ” and gives me a very light kiss on the mouth. In the evening we talk for a long time on the phone, but we don’t talk about us as a couple. Basically we left each other like this without rancor. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Before Easter we go on a school trip and I happen to be in the room with Steven, a taciturn guy who doesn’t like to show up too much of sight. You know how it happens, we talk a bit and at one point he asks me how things are going with Mary. I’m amazed that Steven noticed that there was something between me and Mary, because I thought I was the only one who noticed it. I explain to him how things went and he tells me: “Too bad! Because Mary is a very good girl!” but he says it in a tone that makes me suspect that Steven is in love with Mary, anyway I don’t tell him anything because I don’t want to put him in embarrassment. Then he asks me: “But have you had other girls?” and I tell him about the three previous girls and I see that he remains frozen and tries to change the subject and then I block him and ask him: “And you? Stories with girls?” He opens his arms and smiles as if to say zero! Then we change the subject. But after that evening I begin to wonder why Steven asked me those questions and gave me those answers and I begin to observe him. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">One day, just before the end of school, I see a group of thugs, the worst thugs in my school, who have put Steven in the middle and who make fun of him with homophobic jokes, I didn’t even think about it and I threw myself on those guys, four or five guys at least, and I beat them badly, and I also broke the glasses on the nose of one of them. We ended up with to the principal’s office. The guy with the broken glasses said I had nothing to do with his broken glasses, that had fell off his face because he had made a sudden move. Those guys weren’t suspended from lessons because this would have weighed heavily on the admission to the exams, and the matter ended like this, but the principal looked at me straight in the eyes as if to say: “You did well!” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When I returned to class they applauded me but Steven wasn’t there. I asked the teacher for permission and went to look for him. He was alone in a corner of the courtyard, under a tree. I sat next to him and he didn’t say a word, I had prepared my speech but then it seemed stupid and I too remained silent, then I said to him: “Let’s go to class, come on!” And since he didn’t get up I gave him my hand to help him get up, he held it for a few more seconds almost caressing itand I did the same. This was our coming out, let’s say, but I still had very rough ideas about these things at the time. At the exit I accompanied Steven to the bus, but then I too took that bus, instead of taking mine, we got off together and I accompanied him to the door of his house. Before letting him go I told him: “I’ll be waiting for you at my house this afternoon. Don’t worry, we will be alone!” Thinking about it now, this message might imply who knows what sexual meanings, but for me such things were still to come. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In the afternoon, he arrived at my house, he was really upset, I don’t know how he had interpreted the fact that in the morning we had held hands for a few seconds, but at that time I gave that fact a very generic weight, it certainly had an emotional value, of course, and also vaguely sexual, but I wasn’t still fully aware of all this. He was probably expecting something explicitly sexual, but I didn’t understand it, in the end he confessed to me that he was gay and that he fell in love with me and asked me if I was gay. I remember exactly what I told him, because then I wrote it down in a kind of diary in which I write about the most important events. I told him: “I’m not 100% sure but I think it could be” He asked me: “But is it the truth?” I replied: “It’s probably less than the truth!” Then I told him a little about me but without embarrassment, as if I wastalking to myself, he was very impressed that I trusted him up to that level, but I felt totally at ease. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">With Mary I understood that it wouldn’t work, with Steven I had the certainty of the opposite but for this very reason I didn’t want any misunderstanding to arise for any reason. We had an ice cream, then we went out. Before leaving there was just a very tight hug and I said: “Now I have no more doubts!” He was happy! I told him: “Let’s not let Mary see us!” and he replied: “This morning when Mary saw you throw yourself at those morons she told me: it’s you the one he wants, you’re lucky, because he’s a good guy!” I didn’t believe those words! </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Now, Project, you can tell me: “So where does all the melancholy you talk about at the beginning come from?” Well, it comes from the fact that I’m a moron and I don’t understand the value of what I have. I got to distress Steven to the point that we broke up and he had tears in his eyes and I was so stupid that I wanted to be right at all costs. He told me he couldn’t take it anymore and that he wanted to be alone, I haven’t heard from him for a week now. This morning I sent him this diary page and I hope he will reply:</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“I continually think back to when I tried to look you in the eyes for the last time and you looked away, it was clear that you couldn’t take it anymore, that you would have preferred to be alone rather than be with me. It all started when we were in bed making love and I asked you to do that thing and you told me you didn’t want to. You had never said no to me, and there the spring of my stupidity trigged and the bully I was and had remained inside came out despite everything. If I had been able to really love you I should have said, okay, no problem. But I had to feel like the boss and I couldn’t tolerate you saying no, and I started to insist and I screwed it up. You understood that inside I have not really changed and the balance between us broke up. Then you tried to put the pieces back together, to pass over it, as if nothing had happened, but I began to harass and scold you, reminding you of many little disrespectful behavior towards me because I really thought you had behaved disrespectfully towards me, but you seemed more and more stunned. The next day, you made another attempt at conciliation because evidently you cared a lot, but above all I wanted you to agree with me, that you yield to my will, that you submit. I wanted you to give in without reservation, to admit your faults, the ones I had imagined, and to beg me on your knees, only under those conditions I would have been willing to go back, but in no case I would allowed you to tell me no, and that had to be clear. In my brain I considered you weak while I was strong, I thought you would tolerate everything and you would never leave, and instead you left. Right after that I thought that I would see you come back after a few minutes, or that you would text me or call me on the phone crying, but none of this happened. I told myself that if it hadn’t happened that same evening, it would certainly happen the next day and instead it didn’t. And now I’m terrified of having destroyed everything with my stupidity. I know very well that you are right, and I’m not telling you so to try to get you back. After all, you couldn’t accept becoming the victim of an imbecile like me. I just ask you not to hate me if the bully’s soul I still carry it inside me. Over time I will regain some serenity and I will never forget you because you have given me a life lesson that will be fundamental for me too. Forgive me for all the harm I have done to you by destroying your happiness along with as mine.”</em> </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">That’s how I feel, Project, I feel like a moron who has not been able to grow and then I feel alone, I miss Steven, I miss him damn but now he’s gone and I know he won’t come back. I feel awful. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">p.s. Use this e-mail as you like better but please change the names.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">______________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-story-of-a-gay-bully" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-story-of-a-gay-bully</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-17321340808000044792020-10-21T15:03:00.008+02:002020-10-21T15:09:00.031+02:00GAY GUYS LOOKING ONLY FOR SEX<p> <span face="Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I recently discovered Gay Project and in the panorama of gay content sites on the network it seems unique to me and if I had met it about ten years ago I think I would have avoided getting involved in many useless problems which, on the other hand, have conditioned me a lot. Reading the forum in the sex section and in the couples section, I found stories not far from experiences that I have also lived and this confirmed me in the idea of not being a rare exception. I’m 32 years old, luckily for me I can still undertake quite well the passage of time and I show less than my years. Currently, at least in a sense, I’m single, partly by choice and partly because my ex-boyfriends, let’s call them so, after a few months, get tired and needed something else. I understood this and didn’t even try to hold them back. I’ve lived a free life since I was twenty, I left home as soon as I could because I couldn’t stand the daily contact with my parents anymore and I needed to live my life. At the beginning I went through periods of strong disarray, bordering on depression, I thought that no one would ever fall in love with me and this seemed to me like a tragedy, today, objectively, at least looking from the outside, nothing has changed, it no longer seems to me like a tragedy and I stopped looking for a guy, at least in the sense that is usually given to this expression. I haven’t stopped looking for sex, because I think it’s impossible to stop, but I put aside the idea of making my sanity depend on a single guy, but by reading the following you will understand what I mean. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Up to the age of 24-25 my couple experiences were devastating, perhaps also because I dreamed a lot and I felt very frustrated and disappointed, I had in my head several models and preconceptions that conditioned me. At the age of 25 I met a guy, whom I will call James here, who in a sense, little by little, made me change my way of thinking. The beginning, with him, was only physical. I was attracted to him and tried to repeat with him the same script I had used with the other guys: close couple, eternal love blah blah, but he didn’t let me do so from the first attempt. James was different from the other guys, he didn’t play a role, he was very disenchanted, a bit the opposite of me. He dismantled all my traditional vision of couple life setting right from the start and told me brutally, but seriously: “I like having sex with you, but I don’t know you, for the moment I like it but it’s just sex, I don’t know if I’ll fall in love with you, it could happen, but at the moment it isn’t.” For what I was then such a speech was destructive and I started to feel bad almost immediately, but I liked him a lot and I followed my sexual instinct, putting aside my emotional frustrations. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In sex James was very direct, he didn’t say stupid things. It may have been just sex, as he used to say, but he liked me, he wanted me and I must say that I understood only with him what it means to make love with a guy. On a sexual level, things worked very well between us, the understanding was practically perfect, we used to think the same things and at the same moments. I have never had a guy interested in totally uninhibited sex and far from any acting like him, at least from that point of view I lacked nothing, but there was a but, he told me that in any case he felt free to go with other guys too and he really did, but they weren’t betrayals or things done in secret, he also used to talk to me about his guys and I felt terrible. He once said to me: “I’m like that, if this doesn’t suit you, you are free to leave.” These expressions at first sounded aggressive, as if he wanted to control or dominate me, but then I realized that it wasn’t like that. He was looking for me a lot, he had the attitude of a seducer towards me, or at least it seemed so to me, he enhanced my sexual performances and this way he gratified me, but he always said that for him it was “only sex”, and I don’t hide from you that for this expression I hated him, even if hating James was practically impossible. He almost didn’t want me to fall in love with him sentimentally, sex didn’t frighten him but he couldn’t stand the entanglements that he considered sticky, he used to say that when you understand each other you don’t need words. He used to say “you understand each other”, not “you love each other” because he systematically avoided the affective plan. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">This expression: “it’s just sex” has been somehow my obsession for the past six years. But I have to be honest, told like this the story seems very reductive: he is the cynical and insensitive tyrant and I the victim subjugated by sex, but things were actually very different and much more complicated. There were a lot of cynical and overly rational attitudes on his part, but there were others as well that seemed to go in an entirely different direction. Despite his behaviors, he was not a sex hunter, he was free in his behavior, he had had many guys, he was a bit cynical in these things, that’s true, but he didn’t think only of himself, he wasn’t aggressive or vindictive, when we had some conflict he had no problem giving in first and sometimes he felt seriously hurt, but he would never try to hurt you, perhaps he may disappear, if he thinks he’s not welcome. He never tried to force anyone to do anything, he didn’t use emotional blackmail of any kind and above all, when he went away because he had met another guy, he didn’t disappear for too long periods and then, despite appearances, he was very vulnerable on the emotional level and perhaps his being cynical, at least in appearance, was a method of defense. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Every time he entered a new story I used to feel terrible because I was terrified of losing him permanently, but things never went that way. Let’s say that some of his ex-boyfriends left the scene precisely because he considered them unreliable, with others he maintained non-superficial contacts. I want to specify that when I say that he considered certain guys untrustworthy I’m not referring to the fact that they only had sex with him or anything like that, these things were practically indifferent to him, for him the unreliability consisted in not speaking clearly, telling lies, having two faces, saying one thing and doing another. He just couldn’t stand these things and on the other hand he didn’t do them. With ex-boyfriends that he considered reliable people he also had sex episodically, always underlying that “it was just sex” but it seemed to me that a much more complex relationship was created with those guys, let’s say something like a true friendship even with a little sex .He behaved like that to me too. From him I learned the meaning of sexuality. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">At the beginning, when he said to me: “I’m with you only for sex”, I considered the expression in a reductive way, then I realized that saying “only for sex” was not actually an understatement. Sex for him was also, and I would say above all, a way to be accepted without preclusions. I understood that sometimes he really needed to have sex with me, it was a very important end liberating form of communication. Sometimes after sex he would have moments of deep melancholy and he would cry in front of me, other times when we happened to meet, he seemed very cynical and aggressive but if he could live sex in a liberating way in the end he was better. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">As time went by, I understood more and more clearly that saying “it’s just sex” wasn’t an understatement at all. With the expression “only sex” he wanted to exclude all the ritualism, the sweet platitudes and the small hypocrisies of which are often studded the so-called love stories. The distinction between love and sex made no sense to him, for him sexual attraction was the trigger of a sexual story, precisely in the sense of “sexual story”, of course, but also of prudently affective story. In a sense, he overturned the common order of things: for many it starts with friendship and then ends with sex, for him it starts with sex and then it becomes possible to understand whether or not it is also possible to build a relationship of friendship. He often told me something that I struggled to understand and that is that at the basis of true friendship, that is, of trusting one another, there is always a strong mutual sexual attraction, which is a necessary condition, but obviously not sufficient, to build a friendship. For him, friendship was more than sex, or rather it was almost another step forward towards a more complete sexuality, a level no more sublimated but deeper, that is, with a deeper level of interpersonal communication. A friend to him was one he could trust 100% and that trust had to be mutual. He had no ritual friendships, he never remembered birthdays or anything like that, he never gave gifts, not to save that money he didn’t have anyway, but to avoid entering the dimension of the ritual, of what one does because it must be done. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">For him, a friend is someone who doesn’t say no, if you go to visit him because you need to have sex with him at one in the morning. This is sex, of course, but it is certainly not “just sex” in the reductive sense of the term. He also has another characteristic that I have always liked a lot and that gives a further meaning to his way of saying: “it’s just sex”. He connects sex “exclusively” to a dimension of instinctive attraction, sex for him mustn’t be polluted by anything else, i.e. it must be “just sex!” because “only sex” means real sex, not mixed with interests of any other kind, and ultimately real sex is the premise of serious friendship. He told me something else that at first irritated me a lot: “if someone doesn’t welcome you into his bed when you need it, he’s not a friend because for him rules matter more than you.” Today I’m starting to think he was right. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Over time we see each other less and therefore we have less sex and now, in the virus period, we talk from time to time on the phone, but not very often, when it happens, however, the phone calls are very long. He finally asks me if I got aroused and it actually happens every time. Lately he told me that he has many “friends”, but as for “true friends”, that is, those with whom he can speak freely, he has only three. A few years ago, this speech would have made me feel bad because I would have read it only as a clear sign that for him I was not the only one, neither as a friend nor as a sex partner, since, for him, friendship also includes sexual availability, but today this doesn’t really put me in crisis anymore. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">For more than a year now we have not seen each other “only” to have sex but “also” to talk and to talk in such a serious way that I have never found anything similar in different situations and with anyone else. At the beginning I used to feel a clear difference between his way of seeing sex and personal relationships and mine, then little by little the differences began to fade, little by little we built a common ground, yielding a little to each other’s principles. He is now much less cynical and is also starting to talk about sex as an expression of affectivity and I have ended up putting aside the idea of couple, not because I think there is something wrong, but because I don’t see it suitable for me, I mean for us, me and James. We have found our balance, which is not the classic balance of a couple, but it works between us. So I feel better, I feel much more at ease and somehow, I don’t know whether to say that I feel loved, but I certainly feel much more respected and understood. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Lately it also happened to me to call him because I felt the need to have sex with him, he just told me: “I’ll wait for you, come as soon as you can.” It was only five words but it was easy to understand that James was glad that I had asked him it. I went up to his house, he let me in, he undressed, while I did the same, then he lay down on the bed and opened his arms and we hugged naked. I stayed with him all night. In the morning when I woke up I asked him: “Is it just sex?” He smiled at me and ruffled my hair. Please note, Project, this is not the beginning, of a perhaps late classic couple story, it is just “a moment” of our relationship, which must be taken for what it is. Saying this I realize that it is as if this time it is me the one who says that “it’s just sex”, even if it’s certainly not “just sex”. In reality I knew very well that after that episode I wouldn’t have seen him perhaps for four or six weeks in a row, I was aware of it and I didn’t want and shouldn’t delude myself. The relationship between James and me would certainly not have ended, and in fact it has not ended, but it would never have been a classic relationship. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I asked myself several times, from a selfish point of view, if “for me” it would have been better to look for another guy or “also” for another guy. I don’t think that in general James would have considered it as a betrayal, he would probably have accepted it as the most normal thing in the world, because he too was used to do such things normally. The real problem would come with the other guy who would find himself involved in things other than the classic couple stories and feel betrayed. However, since I’ve known James, I’ve never fallen in love with other guys. Now he told me that he fell in love with another guy he likes a lot, and he’s devoting himself completely to this guy, but generally James’s stories don’t last long because guys want him all to themselves and don’t accept the fact that you can’t build relationships with him. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">For slightly different reasons, both James and I have difficulty building relationships with guys, their model of emotional life is different from ours, because they are used to saying one thing and living another. Those guys, when James tells them “it’s just sex”, they feel relieved at first, because they think “it’s just sex” for them too, but when they see James telling them he’s fallen in love with someone else, then they realize that for them it’s not really “just sex” and so they begin to feel terrible and to feel betrayed, because they are unable to put aside the idea of exclusivity in order not to lose James. They want to be with James but they think that the kind of relationship is worth more than the person: better a couple relationship with another than a different kind of relationship with him. I understand that you can be perplexed if you hear your partner saying that “it’s just sex” but to be with a guy because with him you can build the kind of relationship you want it means that in the end “it’s not even sex, but convenience and habit.” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes I fear that James, despite everything he has said, might actually fall in love with another guy and end up accepting even a standard couple life with that guy. I can guarantee you that if that happens I’d be happy. At first it might be difficult to accept, but in the end I would be happy. I don’t know if in a similar situation he could forget me, frankly I don’t think so. Perhaps the episodic sexual contacts between us, which characterized our relationship, would end completely, but we would still love each other even so, and at least he would have no reason to repeat that “it’s just sex”.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">____________</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I receive the following email at 2.25 am on September 1st 2020, with a request for publication.</em> </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Hello Project, I’m the James mentioned in the post “Gay Guys Looking For Sex”. Here I will call Paul the author of that post, who is one of my closest friends. To some this expression may seem trivial and stupid but for me it is not at all. Paul loved me for who I was, he never frowned like so many guys from good families who were looking for a mate they could take home to have their parents’ blessing. If Paul had taken me to his parents I think they would have kicked me if they knew who I was. Paul didn’t ask questions, he didn’t demand conditions of any kind, he was patient, he never posed as a teacher, he was a true friend, and I think few people know what this expression means. There are many aspects of me much worse than what Paul told in the post, indeed, he almost sanctified me, but he also accepted the worst in me, he didn’t run away like so many others. Now I feel much less as a drifter than before, but not because I found eternal love but because I learned a lot from Paul and still have a lot to learn. I have other friends I trust, but with him it’s different, he’s an exceptional man and he knows I really think so. I never understood what he could find in me, because someone like him could have found guys a hundred times better than me, and he had the opportunities to do it but he really cared about me. He had a vision of sex very far from mine but he didn’t run away, he didn’t get scared. He talked about the night he came to me, and said he called me to be with me, but he didn’t say that he did it mainly because we had talked on the phone in the afternoon and he had understood that I was really in a bad situation. I had longed him to come and he called me and came to me and came here so as not to leave me alone with my paranoia, for me seeing him was like seeing the light again. He said that as soon as he arrived we immediately went to bed together but it didn’t happen at all like that, I was confused and he made me a cup of tea, then he cleaned the kitchen and made me some dinner that he had brought from home, because I hadn’t eaten for two days, then he sat next to me and held my hand until I was better, then we also made love but by now dawn was breaking. I have learned to live or rather I’m learning to live a normal life and I thought that I would never succeed, and instead I’m succeeding because there is Paul. I don’t know if he will ever be my boyfriend, these categories seem absurd to me, I owe him a lot and I’m not ashamed to say it. I’m changing my life because Paul didn’t abandon me when anyone else would. I don’t know if I’m in love with him, in the end in love is a word like any other. I just want to tell him that he was the one who made me realize that it’s not just sex. He knows what is between us and on the other hand I think it is impossible to explain it in words.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">______________________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-guys-looking-only-for-sex" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-guys-looking-only-for-sex</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-12493014989567574752020-10-21T14:16:00.007+02:002020-10-21T14:16:47.758+02:00STORY OF A GAY AND A TRANS<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project, I’m a 39 years old gay, I can’t say gay boy because I’m not a boy anymore and I don’t feel like a boy. I have had my life and my stories but it’s not about me that I want to talk to you. Last night (the night between August 23th and 24th) surfing TV channels as I often do, I ended up on “Rai Tre” (a well-known channel in Italy), and I saw a broadcast about the “transition-path”, that is, about transgender people and transitions MtF and FtM. The broadcast was beautiful, honest, real, and for me it was shocking because it made come forcefully up to the surface of my consciousness the story I lived with a trans who was a guy at first. Obviously, given the need to respect privacy on such sensitive issues, I will not be able to go into details, but such memories are not only unforgettable but remain as a yardstick for many other things. I’ll avoid by necessity even too punctual definitions of times and circumstances. In a certain year, when I was no longer very young and I was single again after living together for a few years with a guy, I meet for work reasons a very young boy who had just come out of the school. I think he was more or less 19 years old. He’s a nice guy, I’ll call him Norbert. I only look at him because he is a handsome boy but he is completely outside my horizons, too young and then, frankly I still had to lick the wounds of my just finished coexistence. A couple of months go by and since the work reasons remain, I have the opportunity to meet Norbert several times, even three or four times a week. In short, a certain sympathy is created between us. Norbert is smart, reliable, he knows his work, he is almost amazed that I treat him with respect, as the days go by Norbert tends to talk more with me and even, sometimes, to smile, but very rarely. </span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We start becoming friends, and he starts to trust me, and somehow I’m proud of it. I’m starting to think he’s a gay guy who has fallen in love with me, his way of doing makes me think so. I begin to wonder what to do, Norbert is a handsome guy but frankly he doesn’t tempt me, I think that with him I could never build anything concrete, at least because of the age difference, and so I decide that I have to keep him at a distance and that I have to cool his enthusiasm above all for his good because otherwise he could be heavily disappointed. I try to distance myself, but he chases me and doesn’t allow me to keep my distance. <br />One day he asks me to drive him to a nearby town, and everything that needs to happen happens in the car, but not what I expected. He tells me to park the car in a lay-by and asks me out of the blue: “Are you gay?” I feel terribly embarrassed and I don’t answer, he continues: “I understood it immediately … so why are you running away?” I try to anticipate him and to prevent him from going further: “Because you are too young and furthermore I already have a partner (but in reality I didn’t have one).” He replies in a way that displaces me: “For me if you have a partner it makes no difference!” I ask him: “What do you mean?” He tells me: “I like you but in a way you can’t understand.” I look at him puzzled and he tells me: “I fell in love with you because I feel like a woman and you are the only person who treated me with respect, I don’t think a gay can fall in love with a woman in a man’s body, it wouldn’t work. Don’t be afraid, I know it.” I feel dizzy, I don’t know how to react, he realizes it and tells me: “I look like a guy but I’m a girl and I want to be a girl. You can’t imagine what I went through in school and also in my family.” <br />The first impetus I had was to run away because I didn’t want to get involved in too complicated things that I didn’t know anything about, and then I didn’t want to have any contact with Norbert’s family, because I didn’t know what they would think of me. Norbert was of age but the complications were very probable and anyway unpredictable. <br />At one point he says to me: “Don’t call me Norbert, call me Magda, because I want to be called so.” For me, calling him Magda was very difficult but with some effort I succeeded. When I got home my brain was boiling, I had left home in the belief that Norbert had fallen in love with me and I returned home with the certainty that Norbert was actually Magda and that she wanted me to help her begin the transition path, all this was upsetting and I was not prepared to face such situations. I was afraid of ending up crushed by too big responsibilities and completely losing my autonomy. I told myself that I absolutely had to get out of this whole thing, but then I didn’t have the needed courage. Magda understood my fears and tried not to feed them, she was present in my life and knew what she wanted from me but she was not an obsessive presence, she had a sense of limit. I expected her to let off steam to me by telling me about her life but she didn’t, or, if she did, she did it in a very limited way. She was looking for true solidarity not for a shoulder to cry on. We talked a lot but always in a very controlled and almost detached way, she didn’t want to scare me, but even from this titanic effort of self-control I could understand the ocean of pain that she carried inside. <br />At work he continued to be Norbert, but when I accompanied her home Norbert was Magda, as the days went by our relationship, for me, ceased to be a concern and I began to wonder what I could concretely do to allow Magda to realize her dream. I tried to read up on it, I spent whole nights on the internet looking for sites that talked seriously about these things to feel less inadequate but then I realized that Magda knew a hundred times more than me about the problem and that therefore I certainly couldn’t help her that way. We talked a lot especially about her relationship with her parents. Her problem was to have the support of her parents. The parents thought she was actually a gay guy, but anyway they weren’t able to accept neither such a situation. Making them accept that their son actually felt like a girl and wanted to follow the transition path seemed to me absolutely impossible, I told it Magda clearly even though I knew this could be disheartening for her. Magda, however, was not of the same opinion and told me: “I’m preparing the ground, however, when the time comes, you will have to do your part.” <br />In practice, in the previous days she had begun to mention the matter to her parents, who were however very perplexed and felt completely inadequate. She told me that she had told her parents about me, which made me very alarmed, and added that she had also told them that I was gay and that I could explain a lot of things to them. In practice, the parents were convinced that Magda was not a trans with the so-called gender dysphoria but a gay guy with too feminized internalized attitudes and had come to accept the idea that Magda could fall in love with a guy. She had tried to explain to her parents that the matter was completely different but they thought that meeting a “real” gay would allow Magda to understand that she too was “just” a gay guy. <br />After not many days, Magda told me it was my time and that her parents were waiting for me in the afternoon. I didn’t have the courage to back down and went to Magda’s parents, who welcomed me with respect but also with suspicion. The first moments were of extreme embarrassment, I had to explain that I was really gay, that I had lived with a man for years, this to make them understand that I was a “real” gay, then I told how I had met Magda, but I didn’t know how to go on, because the atmosphere was freezing. Magda realized that the situation was taking a bad turn and asked her parents to express their doubts saying that I would answer all their questions. The parents made a huge effort and slowly we got to the heart of the matter. The father began with these words: “Norbert trusts you a lot and considers you a very serious friend and was very keen for us to meet in person, now we are here and we must try to understand each other, because we care a lot about our son.” Then, the four of us have been talking until midnight. <br />The parents insisted that Norbert was just a gay guy maybe a little effeminate, and making them understand that Norbert was not at all effeminate and not at all gay was really very difficult, because their interpretation of things put them away from the idea of the concrete physical transition from male to female, which was the thing that scared them the most. They started from the idea that since Norbert had never brought home a girl and had never talked about girls he could be interested in guys and this for them meant that Norbert was gay. I tried to make them understand that a gay is a guy who feels 100% masculine who falls in love with another guy because he sees him as 100% masculine, while a trans falls in love with a guy because he/she feels like a woman and falls in love with a man the way women fall in love with men and the two things are very different. Understanding these concepts was very difficult for them. They thought that a gay falls in love with a guy because he doesn’t feel up to being with a woman and that he sees his partner as a woman, that in a gay couple there is a gay-male and a gay-female and the like and they thought that an effeminate guy was very interesting to a gay because he was more feminine. And then they had a very strange concept of effeminacy, for them effeminacy was not linked to external aspects but to the intimate feeling of having a distinctly feminine personality, which is why they considered Norbert effeminate, even if he wasn’t at all. <br />Eventually I told her parents that if they had called their daughter Magda instead of Norbert, she would have been happy. Her mother called her Magda and hugged her. The father said. “It will take me a while but I will get used to it.” Magda took me back to my car and was radiant, she was happy with me and how I had behaved and above all with the reactions of her parents who seemed to be possibilist. I swear to you, Project, that I would never have imagined an afternoon like that, but after that afternoon there were many others not very different. Magda knew how to move and her parents were basically good people whose life had been upset by things they weren’t in the least prepared for, they wanted Magda’s good but they didn’t understand how, in reality, this good could materialize, however, getting the parents to accept the idea of the physical transition was a much more difficult undertaking than expected. <br />They feared that there could be serious health consequences for Magda, they too had begun to search for information but were disoriented. They accepted Magda’s trans feelings but only on a psychological level, for them hormonal therapies and surgeries were something inconceivable, almost a way of rebelling against God’s will. They had no religious prejudices but were afraid of pushing Magda towards a choice she might have regretted later. They were the same perplexities that I also had, but Magda was very determined and basically the transition path would be followed by experienced people and this comforted me. In the end, however, her parents reluctantly accepted the prospect of the physical transition as well. Magda was happy, because at least her parents had let her choose freely and hadn’t imposed anything on her.<br />Magda began her transition path which, however, let’s say unexpectedly both for me and her parents, ended in an early psychological phase, in other words before hormonal therapies and before surgery. Magda spoke long with an endocrinologist who clarified to her that she would have to continue taking estrogen for life and that ultimately her secondary sexual characteristics would have changed but she would not have lost the male genetic characteristic and would not have acquired the female one. The psychologist insisted that Magda’s choice to carry out the transition had be absolutely free and aware and that if she had any doubts, even small ones, she would do well to take her time to think about them very seriously. So there was a postponement and after three months Magda made the decision not to proceed further. In reality Magda felt she was in a female identity but somehow imperfect and completed by a residue of male identity, which was not completely rejected. <br />Not carrying on the transition was a choice that perhaps could also have been inspired by Magda’s parents, this occurred to me many times, but I realized that she was calm and that the fact of not proceeding with the transition was ultimately her choice, because individual paths rarely follow strictly the theoretical standard. The suspension of the transition was followed by a period of psychological support therapy with a very competent doctor and, essentially, there were no problems. However, a profound melancholy remained, which was what psychotherapy was focused on: it was the fear of loneliness, the fear of never finding a partner. With the complete physical transition, Magda would have had a feminine aspect and “maybe” she could have found a guy but she couldn’t have children anyway and that would have been a huge conditioning impossible to overcome.<br />Without the physical transition, Magda-Norbert would have been interesting only for gays but also with gays in the long run, very serious problems would have arisen and anyway Magda’s dream would have been to find a guy who fell in love with her “as a woman”. Without the physical transition, Norbert remained Norbert in the workplace. My friends, who knew about me, thought Norbert was my boyfriend and didn’t believe me when I told them he wasn’t, because Norbert, or rather Magda, was somehow “in a very emotional way” my girlfriend. Our story went on for another two years, then Magda, incredible to say, found a straight man who fell in love with her and who had enormous courage because Magda was apparently a guy in all respects. I too met Magda’s boyfriend and he made a great impression on me. She thought that if she made the transition she could also legally marry that guy; at that time there were still no civil unions in Italy, then when it became legally possible, they made a civil union that also appeared in some newspapers as a “gay civil union” even if of a gay union there was only the appearance.<br />Then they went to live in Milan and now we only talk for Christmas, Easter and birthdays. Clearly Magda continues to work as Norbert but all in all I think she has found at least a relative tranquility, she has a boyfriend who loves her. When they did the civil union they left for a kind of honeymoon and came to see me, Magda was happy, I could see it from the smile.<br />I don’t think many gays have lived a similar story, generally the trans topic is a taboo even for gays. Last night’s broadcast led me to think that the more serious you talk about these things the more you improve the level of everyone’s life.<br />Freely do whatever you want with the email.An affectionate greeting.Daniel (Sorry, it’s not my real name)</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">_______________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-story-of-a-gay-and-a-trans" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-story-of-a-gay-and-a-trans</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-45821375484396944242020-10-21T13:54:00.011+02:002020-10-21T13:54:52.458+02:00GAYS AND SEXUAL MORAL<p style="text-align: justify;"> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hello Project!Come on, I don’t tell you the usual things, if I send this email to you it means that I expect an answer and I think there will be. I’m 33 years old, I like Project, but I feel very, or at least quite different from the Project guys, in the sense that I’m much freer, I think at least, then I don’t know, but in practice, let’s say from the age of twenty onwards, I have had so many experiences, of all kinds, that you cannot even imagine, but never with girls who don’t exist for me at all, but let’s say that in the gay field I have passed all possible experience, from those with peers to those with men much older than me, I have been very often on the most famous gay sex chats and I have played a lot with those famous aps. I got so many depressing experiences, frustrations, sometimes moments of real desperation seeing guys I was in love with who weren’t involved with me. At the beginning sometimes I behaved in a risky way almost to make a Russian roulette with death, then I happened to know that one of those with whom I had had unprotected sex was positive and I experienced moments of deep anguish and so I understood how a defiant behavior like mine was an idiot behavior and so I started having sex always in a safe way. Fear makes you more cautious than speeches and sermons I’ve never endured. In addition to ALWAYS having safe sex, I also learned other things: first of all, that you can only evaluate people by behavior and not by words. Those who talk too much from the first meeting and who use big words and excessive praise are the most devious and the most false, because they lie knowing they are lying, they tell you that they are in love with you and, after having sex with you, they disappear and you don’t hear them anymore. I looked for guys everywhere, especially when I was worse off, I like sex, but I also see something else in having sex, that is my affectivity, however frustrated and in a sense pathological, exists, and that’s why I felt bad when things didn’t work out. But I have often found, especially among those over 40 and even worse over 50, a total lack of affectivity. For them, hunting for guys was a kind of zero affectivity collecting, and they were also married men. But it is not a matter of age or categories because I also found sixty-year-olds who had sex with me but in another way, not as a boss but as a But it is not a matter of age or categories because I also found sixty-year-olds who had sex with me but in another way, not as a boss but as a friend of common sense, willing to step aside, without disappearing, when I fell in love with a peer. There is more competition between peers and with them I have experienced the worst disappointments, because they often see sex not as something that is done in two in private, but as something to flaunt with friends, a bit like what happens to heterosexual guys who brag about having seduced a nice pussy, it’s the same with gays. I look for a guy in order to be with him, certainly not to spend the evenings with his friends in clubs of various kinds. I have few friends and among my friends there are basically all my ex-boyfriends who have not disappeared. I no longer go to bed with these guys, or maybe just sometimes but very rarely, but I have a relationship with them, that is, we are friends, every now and then we meet, that is, in my life they are a real presence. Now slowly I’m starting to realize that sex, for me, is a way of expressing an emotional need, if there is not at least a little respect and a minimum of emotional contact I kick guys out, it has happened several times. I once went with a guy I liked to a motel, but he started behaving like a moron in such an irritating way that I got dressed and left, but he was convinced that I was in love with him and he wanted to be the boss! I generally like men, but not those who like me, this sentence I think I have read it somewhere in the forum, but I would say that it clarifies well what happens to me. By now I’m so used to the classic script of the gay seducer that as I see one who starts on those tones I send him soundly to the hell. On a human level, I only like those who speak clearly. If you just wanna have some sex just say it first, then if I like it and if there is no better I can also accept but without deluding myself, that is, just to do something. I can’t stand braggarts, those who show up with a nice car borrowed from someone else, those who think in terms of their wallet and want to feel like masters. Then there is a good percentage of obsessed people, of people who can only swear and blaspheme and are unable to put three words of common sense one after the other. You can understand what it means to sleep with someone like that, and it happened to me, you don’t send him to the hell just because you feel sorry for him. In short, Project, I made all kinds of experiences. I have even had sex with a guy in a wheelchair. I didn’t think I would succeed, I told him first that I was not in love with him but he said that he knew it and he wanted to do it anyway and we did it, he was a very smart guy, then he told me that for him it had been a very important thing, a way to feel truly accepted. Three years later we have remained friends. What I don’t tolerate is being treated like the whore on duty. If you want to have sex with me, if that’s okay with me, no problem, otherwise you go away, and moreover some married men want to have sex without a condom and I tell him: Look, I love your wife more than you! And they look at me weird and I tell them: Because I don’t put your wife at risk and I don’t even put myself at risk, of course, I’m not stupid and without a condom there is nothing to do. I can’t stand married men who look for gays as if to confess to cheating on their wives, because they need someone to encourage them to continue cheating on their wives and keeping a single foot in both shoes. I really put one of them in crisis, I told him: If you don’t feel like being with your wife, you must separate! But don’t cheat her, because that’s exactly what you’re doing! He was very bad and started to cry, probably it was his first betrayal, and I took him back to his house. Then there are the hypocrites who “after” having had sex with you, tell you that they didn’t want to but you in a way brought them to it in a slippery and insinuating way. I say: But, beautiful guy, no one forced you! People don’t want couple relationships, long-lasting things with the inevitable coexistence, no! Nobody likes long-term commitments. Sex, but without other things, without “other complications” as they say. I met one who considered himself a master of sex! Yes, you got it right, he thought he could teach others what sex is, but it was a laughing matter, It happened that I asked him questions about a lot of some absurd topics, pretending that I was in love with a girl, and he answered me that he had immediately understood that I was bisexual (I BISEXUAL? NEVER !!), I kept going on with such questions and he kept answering with big words and speeches, all in the language of a refined psychologist; but he didn’t even realize that I was making fun of him. Then I told him to show me something sexual “in concrete” and he immediately changed the subject and started saying that it was late and that he had to go. Another story even better, I broke the face of a man, we were in a motel and he wanted me to do something that I didn’t like at all. I told him: No! This no! And he first began to threaten me and I was already about to lose my self-control, then he tried to force me, because he was bigger than me. I kicked him in the testicles not too much violently but anyhow this must have hurt him quite badly and I would have beaten him badly but I didn’t because my phone rang, so I left him there. Perhaps the most slippery of all was a man who approached in a devious way, I suspect he was a priest, but objectively I don’t know, certainly he was not a gay at his first experience on dating sites. We did what we had to do and he behaved like a friend and I trusted him and introduced him to my friends. He told me that he was in love with me, then one of my ex asks me: But who is that man? Because, look, he’s hitting on everyone and says you’re a poor asshole who doesn’t understand shit. So the first night we went out with friends I confronted him directly in front of everyone and I said: Is it true that you are hitting on everyone? He thought it was a joke, but the others cornered him and made him feel like a piece ofshit! And they repeated in face of him all the slander he had said about me. In the end he said that we were a pack of dogs that jump at the first one who comes by, but afterwards he disappeared and never showed up again. In these situations, you understand that you have real friends. And now I come to the point, I think that one of my friends, an ex-boyfriend of mine, is really falling in love with me. He never jokes, he’s always on his own, he listens to me, smiles and doesn’t chat too much, sometimes I talk to him even an hour long and I feel at ease. He knows very well what kind of life I live and he doesn’t come forward with me, but anyway he respects me. In reality when we were together he had somehow a double role for me, a bit he was my boyfriend and a bit he was the brother I never had, there was complicity between us, then we broke up because I thought he wasn’t in love with me, but I probably wasn’t able to really understand such things at the time. I would get back with him but I don’t know if he would like to be with someone like me. What should I do, Project? I think I’ll speak clearly to it tonight. I talked to him! He wasn’t expecting it but he was visibly happy, he just said to me: I’d be very happy, but let’s see how it goes, but anyhow I will love you forever.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gays-and-sexual-moral--589" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gays-and-sexual-moral–589</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-72759756634982345292020-10-02T16:14:00.008+02:002020-10-02T16:14:50.419+02:00MEMORIES OF A GAY COUPLE<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project,</span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">my name is Mario, I’m a 74-year-old Roman who saw his partner die, after trying to do everything to save him, but the doctors and himself were aware of how it would end. It was a very short thing, lasting 31 days in all. He tried to tell me until the end that he loved me and that he was happy to have been with me. He was five years younger than me and I could never have imagined what was about to happened. Almost eight months have passed now, and I have overcome the anxieties of the first moments that made me cry alone without consolation. Now I have his photos, memories and he continues to live inside me. We lived together for almost 40 years and in this we were lucky, because 40 years ago the idea of living together for two men was a utopia and nothing else, but for us it has become reality. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">When we met I was 33 and he was 28, we both were already working. He was a young engineer and I was a slightly older English teacher. At the time, I took it for granted that I would never have a partner and was still living in my parents’ home. I had never gotten along with my parents, who still didn’t know about my homosexuality (and it never occurred to me to think about opening up to them). We didn’t get along especially for political reasons, my mother was a Christian Democrat also and above all because she didn’t read the newspapers and didn’t understand anything about politics, my father was still living in the myth of the “twenty years” (the fascist period) and for him the parties of the left were like smoke in the eyes. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We had begun to feel something similar to a reciprocal repulsion the year before, at the time of the kidnapping and murder of Moro [Aldo Moro, president of the Christian Democrat Party, killed by Red Brigades]. On the one hand my father hated the Red Brigades but on the other he also hated Moro for his openness to the Communist Party, and towards Moro he used derogatory expressions of the worst kind. My mother used to tell me that the only thing that could be done was to pray and in any case she wouldn’t be able to understand the double game of so many Christian Democrats who couldn’t stand Moro and supported the line of firmness. On the contrary, I had always liked Moro a lot, I had always thought he was an honest man who had not chosen to be a politician for personal interest. And so Moro’s story was also the collapse of my family’s balance. My parents began to consider me a communist by now irrecoverable to their classic petty bourgeois common sense or it should be better to call it opportunism. In practice, I too, although I cannot say that I had begun to hate my father, certainly I had come to the conclusion that there would never be any possible serious conversation between us and on the basis of this, reacting out of rage and irrational impetus, I made a request for a transfer to go to teach in another province and said nothing at home. Such a behavior would have seemed out of mind to my parents but it seemed somehow necessary and freeing to me. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Just after having submitted the application, I regretted having sent it, anyhow I couldn’t go back, but the possibility that my transfer application was accepted was rather remote and this was enough for me to keep calm. Contrary to my hopes and expectations, at the end of the summer of ’78 I was informed that I had been transferred to a very distant province (Turin). It was very difficult for me to tell my parents, especially since I hadn’t told them that I had asked for a transfer. They took it as a real betrayal, a sudden and premeditated stab inflicted to my father and mother. My father was really disgusted by me, he said that he had fed a snake in his bosom, my mother tried to keep him good, but if she hadn’t been there, I would have really come to blows with my father. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I left home when my father was at work, breaking away from my mother’s hugs and promising that I wouldn’t disappear and that I would send her my new address as soon as possible. There were about 40 days before the beginning of the school year and I stayed in a hotel in Turin until I found a mini-apartment not very far from the school. It was at school that I met Carlo. The Province and the Education Superintendent had plans to build new school buildings and the company where Carlo worked had won a contract, or something similar, and it was decided that a series of meetings should be held at my school, with the planners, with some officials of the Province and of the Superintendency and with some principals. My principal told me that I would be part of the group, which was a show of confidence that I couldn’t resist anyway. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">The first meeting was just for presentation, we were 14 people, and all they did was establish a calendar for the following technical meetings. I thought that all the meetings would be rituals like the first one but it wasn’t so. In the first meeting, however, I immediately noticed Eng. Carlo B., who seemed to me a really nice guy, but nothing more. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In the second meeting very animated discussions took place, Eng. Carlo B. started unrolling projects and tried to explain the technical problems but then began the brawl of the buts, of the but instead, of the could and should, etc. etc.. It was past 10pm, and the meeting that had begun at 4pm was going on and showed no sign of moving towards its conclusion. Carlo looked at his clock every five minutes, then, after 11.00 pm, he stopped looking at his clock. The meeting ended at 11.30pm. They all left because they had their cars parked in the yard. There I realized that Carlo had no car and I told him. “Can I accompany you somewhere?” and he told me that he would spend the night in the hotel and that he would leave by train the next morning, because by now there were no more trains useful for him, and it was there that I almost instinctively played my cards: “If you want to go to the hotel, I’ll take you downtown, but if it’s okay for you, you could sleep at my house too, it’s small but it’s just a few minutes from here, then I’ll take you to the station tomorrow morning before going at school.” He didn’t let me add a single word, and just said to me:” But do you think it can really be done? ” I replied: “Sure!” He said to me: “It things are so, well, thank you!” Our story began like this. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">It was December, it was freezing cold, but I left my bed and my bed duvet to him and went to sleep on the sofa. In the morning we had breakfast together, then I accompanied him to the station, we were both visibly happy to have broken the ice. He left me the phone number of his parents’ house, I took it but told him I didn’t have a phone but perhaps I could call him with a payphone. At school the principal was thrilled with me because I hadn’t left him alone at the planning meeting and he began to treat me with a special eye. The next technical group meeting was scheduled in a month, I just had to wait, but the wait would have been too long, after not even a week I thought about calling Carlo on the phone, I first prepared all the speech to give, a very official speech if the parents had answered and a very different and very friendly speech if Carlo had answered. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I decided that the ideal time to call would be around 20.00, at 20.00 sharp I called and told his mother that I was the prof. Mario C. of the Institute’s technical coordination group …, the lady replied that if I left my number her son would call me back as soon as he returned from work, it seemed ugly to answer that I didn’t have a phone and I simply told her to notify the Engineer that I would call him back the next day but the next morning it was he who called me back to school, because perhaps he thought there were really problems related to the coordination group. The janitor came to my classroom to tell me that I had to go up to the offices because there was a phone call for me in the secretary. As soon as I heard his voice the phone I immediately understood that the reason wasn’t certainly the anxiety due to the coordination group. There were people nearby and obviously I couldn’t speak too friendly. I told him: “Good morning Engineer!” and he replied: “Hi Mario!” I went on using a very polite and almost ceremonial language and he replied: “This morning I’m in Turin and I finish at 11.00, would you like to have lunch with me?” I replied: “Look, it was just what I would have suggested, I believe that the project can start much better this way!” Three hours later we were having lunch together! </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We were friends now. It was evident that there was a mutual interest but on both sides the prudence was maximum, we strictly avoided too personal arguments, we talked about our experiences of study and work, at first we didn’t talk about politics, I didn’t know how to frame him even from that point of view, then slowly I began to notice on his face some expression of disappointment those rare times that we spoke of Christian Democracy, or at least of certain Christian Democrat politicians, of others, however, he had great esteem. Once we also talked about Moro and it was evident that the kidnapping and murder of Moro had upset him, even if he was not well informed about the facts. Slowly we began to talk about daily politics and I almost always found myself in agreement with him. He spoke of socialism with some enthusiasm, but not of Craxi’s socialism, but of Nenni’s socialism. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We also discussed literature, once he told me about a novel by Pavese, “The house in the hills”, a novel that I didn’t know, but rather than talking about partisans and Germans, he focused on the relationship between Corrado, the protagonist, a very disenchanted professor coming from Turin, and Dino, a very young guy, whom Corrado suspects is his son. The relationship between the alleged father and the alleged son, in the book, is hinted at, more than clarified. Corrado sees himself in the young guy, who will eventually join the partisans, while his father will not be capable of anything like this and will close himself in his inner world made of awareness and above all renunciations. In the novel, which I then read almost immediately, it also speaks of Corrado’s relationship with Dino’s mother and of two other women who host Corrado, but obviously this was not what struck Carlo. Then once we also talked about Bassani and the “Finzi-Contini Garden”, where there is also a hint linked to homosexuality. Carlo was well acquainted with the book, evidently he had read it several times but never mentioned homosexual references. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">After that first lunch together in Turin we got into the habit of meeting every Sunday, he always came to me by train and left with the last useful train at 11.00 pm. We met in the morning around nine and spent the whole day together, obviously we never talked about girls, and this led us to hope, but the doubts remained and were very strong. As Christmas was approaching, I asked him what he would do for Christmas and he simply told me that he would be at home with his parents because he was an only child and had only his parents. From there we started talking about our family relationships. His parents had spent every penny to make him study and he, once he became an engineer, somehow felt he had to repay them, he had to at least devote his time to his parents and somehow had to compensate them for everything they were deprived of to make him study, also for this reason he worked from morning to evening and furthermore had a very special emotional relationship with his parents. His parents weren’t old, but it was a bit like he considered himself the father of those he called “my two old folks”. All this seemed very strange to me. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I told him about the quarrels with my father for political reasons and the final ruin of my family following my transfer to Turin, requested without saying anything to my parents. But Carlo surprised me with his answer: “If that was the situation, you did very well to leave! For me it’s different, my parents are very simple people but they taught me the true values of life.” Little by little we were getting closer to more personal confidences, obviously neither of us was talking about girls. We went on like this for almost six months, like good friends. I was in doubt whether to install the phone or not, with the phone I could call him, but in the end he would always have talked from home, so I didn’t install the phone, but we continued to meet on Sunday, as had become tradition. We never gave ourselves gifts of any kind, partly out of superstition because we wanted everything between us to be free and without obligations. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Then something unexpected happened, even if “somehow” expected. The 1st of June 1980 was Sunday and the 2nd was the feast of the Republic and therefore both he and I had two free days in a row, I proposed to him to stay and sleep with me and he accepted. I asked him how his parents would take it and he answered in an enigmatic way that they would be happy, I tried to deepen the discussion and he told me that his parents knew about our friendship, because he had talked about it and they were happy, then he added : “On the other hand, they never expected me to take a girl home.” I pretended not to have understood and he said to me: “Come on, you understood very well!” I immediately gave up to acting and pretending, and told him: “So they know …”, he replied: “Sure, I told them … but they don’t know who you are, if they knew you I think they would be very happy.” By now we were speaking clearly. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">He told me how he decided to talk to his parents. At the time of the university he was he was in Turin, retired in a room alone, and his parents, those rare times they saw him, were very worried that he wouldn’t find a girl or at least a female company. Because they thought that a girl could make him feel better, and therefore they insisted that he had to “feel free” and it was from there that Carlo’s whole speech started. His parents listened very carefully but they didn’t think they already knew what Carlo was talking about, they trusted him and wanted him to make them understand what it meant to be homosexual. He just said it’s exactly like when you fall in love with a girl, only instead of a girl it’s a guy, but the feelings are the same. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Then he said to me: “You won’t believe me, but nothing has changed between me and my parents, my father has never been very expansive even before, but afterwards, when I came home, I felt much more pampered than before. I had the distinct feeling that my parents trusted me so much that they thought I would never do anything wrong or bad, the only thing they repeated to me was: ‘what is good for you is good for us!’ ” The night between 1st and 2nd June we didn’t sleep but we told each other about our lives. Project, I think you can understand how liberating it was for us to understand that we had found another homosexual guy and that something nice was being built with that guy. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Neither he nor I had had the slightest experience of these things, I don’t talk about sex, which was all in the realm of fantasy, but precisely on the affective side. Shortly before taking the train back on the evening of June 2, he asked me: “Would you like to meet my parents?” The request was unsettling for someone like me but I said yes and as he got on the train he told me: “So next Sunday you come to me!” I said yes, without even understanding the significance of such a thing. The following Sunday I took the train and at 9.00 I was with him, very embarrassed. He told me to take it easy and we went up to his house. His parents were more embarrassed than me and we made very few speeches. They offered me some traditional artisanal macaroons and told me that lunch was ready and that they would go to the house of one of Carlo’s aunts. The father concluded: “We don’t want to embarrass you and in any case we thank you so much for having accepted our invitation.“ They greeted us a little awkwardly and left. I thought they were upset, but Carlo said to me: “Don’t worry, they trust you too! My father is very shy, but I know him well! ” </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Carlo took me around the valley, we walked a lot in the woods between ups and downs, he was happy and so was I, even though I thought I could never introduce Carlo to my father. Then, over time, we even got to have a little sex, but I won’t tell you about because it is part of my and Carlo’s private life and for me it is something sacred. Carlo worked in Turin but used to take the train every day so as not to leave his parents alone, well, an incredible thing happened, one day we went to the home of Carlo’s parents and his father told us: “My wife and I don’t are still old and we can also be alone, but why don’t you take an apartment together in Turin?” At the time it was not an easy thing at all because of demographic problems, that is, problems of cohabiting nucleus, etc. etc., the idea was very interesting but the doubts were many. Now I know we have been together all our life long, but at that time I didn’t know how it was going to end. In short, we came to the conclusion of buying two apartments on the top floor of a building, facing each other. He was a civil engineer and was able to choose the best. The condition was that the apartments were two and facing each other. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">One evening he arrived at my house all out of breath and showed me what seemed like an excellent opportunity. He explained to me about the exposure, the thermal insulation, because we would be on the top floor, he told me about transports, those that were already there and those that perhaps would be activated later. At that time there was still no talk of the subway in Turin, but Carlo looked far away and following the urban development he expected that sooner or later a subway line would also pass through those parts, what then really happened but in years very close to us. The two apartments were not identical but they were both two rooms and the price was very similar. The next day (Sunday) we went to see them from the outside, he had already been there and had visited everything from the inside and since he was a professional and also understood the financial aspects he had seen that to buy the apartments we could also take on a share of the mortgage taken out by the builder in 1972 with the bank at a fixed rate of 4.8%, while in 1980 the mortgages had passed over 21%. Interest rates were expected to drop in the long run and Carlo insisted that we had to repay the mortgage within 10 years and no more. We would have finished paying very soon but it was at the limit of possible. Carlo used to say: “If there is a need, my parents come to stay with us and their house is rented or, at worst, sold. The appearance of the building was very dignified and Carlo assured me that the structure was modernly built following all the rules of the art. On Monday morning he went to the sales office and gave the down payment for his apartment, fixing the option of taking over the old mortgage. When he went out I went in immediately after, they showed me the apartment and it was really very nice and above all bright and with a splendid view. They told me that if I wanted I could have thought about it but I knew what I had to do and I too paid my deposit by making the compromise exactly according to what Carlo had suggested. He was waiting for me outside and we went to lunch together, by now we had our own houses, with 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms, divided in two, but over time we had already planned that Carlo and I would stay in my house and the other house would host his parents if needed. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">We worked like crazy to pay for the two houses within ten years: he was awake doing calculations and drawing until late at night, in my apartment I was giving private lessons as much as I could. It was very difficult at first, but with the help of his parents we made it. Then our economic conditions improved and in 1990 we finished paying for the houses and furnished them in a less basic way. Before he only had furniture in the study where he worked and sometimes received people, but the other room was practically without furniture and the kitchen as well. In my house only the room where I used to give private lessons was furnished. The owners of the other apartments of the building didn’t consider us as a couple also because they saw very little of us, we were on the top floor, we never went to condominium meetings and gave the proxies to different people. When we happened to meet on the stairs we greeted each other like two complete strangers living in the same building, it was a ritual that may seem stupid but it served not to arouse curiosity. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">In 1990 he was 39 and I was 44, we were no longer young. That same year Carlo’s mother got sick and came to stay with her husband at Carlo’s house, while Carlo stayed at my house. We assisted Carlo’s mother until the end in ’93. The father suffered terribly from the trauma of widowhood, then he recovered, we spent a few good years together and then it also happened to him in ’99 for a lung disease that took him away. Carlo was then 48 years old and I was 53, we were now mature men, with economic and job security and above all with emotional security. Nobody knew about us but we had our real world and we lacked nothing, we didn’t care about the others. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">And here there was another sudden turning point, my mother calls me and tells me that my father is sick, it was the height of summer and Carlo and I had planned a wandering holiday together, I ask Carlo what I have to do and he replies without hesitation: “Go pack your bags and we’ll leave immediately!“ We traveled all night and the next morning we were in the hospital in front of my father’s room. Before entering we asked the doctor who reassured us, then we went to him together and I said to him: “Dad I came here to take you to my house because there you can be followed better.” And he said to me: “What about your mother?” when I told him: “She’s coming too!” he calmed down, then he looked at Carlo and said to me: “Who is that gentleman?” I replied: “That’s my partner …” I was afraid that this thing could make him feel bad but nothing of the kind happened and my father said: “And what does he say if we come to stay with you?” I shook my father’s hand and told him: “He says you have to come!” My mother was almost incredulous, then she started talking to Carlo. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Eight days later my father was discharged from the hospital and we began the long journey to Turin. We stopped every now and then to let Dad rest because it was also very hot. Late in the evening, just before midnight, we arrived home in Turin. My father hadn’t yet realized that the two houses were separate, when he realized that he would have been alone with his wife in an apartment with his son on the same landing he calmed down. Carlo prepared the room for my father and my mother, then said goodbye and went to the other apartment to leave me alone with my parents. My father told me: “But he is a good man! He also took charge of us and he has also his parents to take care of … ” I told him that he no longer had his parents and that his parents had lived with us until the end, then my father stared at me and said: “Then you too are a good man! And I was a fool who didn’t understand it before. ” Dad’s health improved, he sat on the terrace looking at the mountains, I felt him calm, he often talked to Carlo, admired him, and used to say some very nice things about him, my mother was serene, did some cooking and saw the family reunited as she would never have imagined, she passed away in 2011 and then my father in 2012, when I was 68. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Since then, Carlo and I have been truly alone, we were now old men but we thought that we could enjoy another piece of life together and instead the Lord didn’t want it and we went on being together for eight years only. Now my world is really over, I’m the last of the row, and I have no heirs left: I don’t know how long I will live and if there will be someone next to me when my time will come, but I lived my life, I was very lucky and I’m fully aware of it. Meeting Carlo changed my life. The idea of separating never crossed our minds. Without him I would have been an absolute nothing, I would have felt frustrated, I wouldn’t have recovered the relationship with my father and I would never have had a true love life. I would like to tell the guys who will read this story that at the beginning no one ever knows how things will go, I at twenty took it for granted that I would always be alone but it didn’t happen like that at all. I feel like an old man because I’m old but I have lived the life I wanted and with the person I wanted. There have been many problems but we have walked the road together and when I think of Carlo I know that in some way he is with me and will be with me until we will rejoin in heaven.</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">___________</p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-memories-of-a-gay-couple" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-memories-of-a-gay-couple</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-53934667302326446822020-10-02T15:45:00.000+02:002020-10-02T15:45:06.709+02:00FRUSTRATED GAYS WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE BEFANA<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">Hi Project,When you are 35 you are in middle way, in which you are no longer a boy but you are not even a mature man and the word future begins to hang over your head. Good or bad, I have a job, and luckily it is a stable job, I earn what I need to live and also for some extras, but without exaggerating, I have a car, I can afford to do some trips, trips of a few days but it’s enough for me. </span></p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">What I miss is a mate. I also had my experiences, but in the end nothing left, those guys were only meteors, it seemed that they had to illuminate the world but then they ended up in nothing very quickly. From a relationship I would like some stability. I still have in mind the model of my parents who are still together after 45 years and, perhaps with some uncertainty, more or less have lived their life in two. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Habit and repetitiveness are not the best, but they reassure, that is, they are somehow certainties. And then my parents had the support of their families because they started a straight family to have children etc. etc., instead I would like a partner not to keep the world going but to feel good in two, but I never found that partner, all the guys had to think of something else, first of all of being free, which will also be a beautiful thing, but freedom at any cost doesn’t allow you to build a life as a couple and then there is the weight of sex which conditions a lot. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">I think my parents haven’t had sex in years but they have stayed together all the same. Perhaps the children for straight couples are like a strong glue. What is certain is that among gays everything is much more labile, at least from what I have experienced firsthand, because I have also seen gay couples really stable for many years, but nothing similar happened to me. I think that many times when you look for a guy you risk starting with too high expectations and then you have to downsize everything. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">My father no longer wore the wedding ring because he has osteoarthritis and the ring was no longer the right size for his finger, and my mother bought another ring of the right size for my father to continue to wear it and he really started to wear it again, and yet they are old. This fact struck me. I won’t be able to give anyone a wedding ring! That I will not be able to have children from a hypothetical partner of mine I have to accept it because it is so, but I cannot accept not to have a partner at all. I have thought many times that I’m too much difficult and always look for the best and after all I don’t have a partner because I never really fell in love and I only looked for satisfaction, that is, I never really risked, and now I reap the fruits I deserve. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">But there is nothing to do! Have I to start again over 35 and what for? Dating sites and apps? I really don’t feel like it. The alternative in these cases would be to throw yourself into work, but with my work I have very little to do, I have no real worries but I don’t even have real satisfactions, it’s a daily routine and nothing more. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">My parents don’t know anything about me and expect me to come home out off the blue with a beautiful girl, but this doesn’t happen and the situation wears out: they say nothing to me and I say nothing to them. They are good people but there are many things they wouldn’t accept at all. This is also why I would like to go to work far away, just in another city, and maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend at the age of 35.I don’t want to blame my parents because they are like that, they think like that because for them the world was that. They are not to blame but the fact remains that, willing or not, they have conditioned my life. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes I come to think that I do all the possible reasoning about a guy, but maybe I don’t really want to look for a guy, I talk about it, but when the opportunity arises I run away. one guy doesn’t suit me for one reason and another for another reason and in the end I work hard to ensure that no story comes to an happy end with anyone, I try to avoid problems, both with my family and with my hypothetical guy. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">And then also the possibility of leaving home is purely hypothetical. If I quit my job, I would probably not find another and would fall from the pan into the embers. I’m ending up like spinsters who postpone their marriage from one year to the next and continue to live with their parents, but not because they don’t want a husband, but because they are fine even without a husband. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Sometimes I think about old age and what it will be. At least my parents are aging in two, instead I’ll be alone and basically I want it. I have not completely thrown in the towel, if an opportunity arises I would be happy, but it should be serious opportunity. All these new things like open couples aren’t for me. That is, if the alternative to loneliness is that, well, then I prefer to be alone. I don’t know if I have to consider myself a fool or a weak, it is certain that I don’t want to fight, least of all in my house and so I let everything go like this. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">Am I without character? After all this is the reproach that, more or less explicitly, I hear more frequently. Not everyone is born with the heart of a lion. If you are born sheep what do you want to do? You live the life of a classic sheep, you have no wolves to fear, you do what the shepherd wants every day and sooner or later you’ll end up in stew. I still see the stew phase far away, of course I would like to be a free animal, but if one feels like a sheep it is better that he lives as a sheep. I don’t know what an old sheep might think, but I will learn it by living, then it may also be that I change nature and one morning I wake up lion, but I see it rather difficult. </p><p class="has-text-align-justify" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">You know, Project, there is one thing I can’t stand: people who brag about everything they’ve done are a bit like the salesman who exalts the goods in the market to give you a rip off. I would like to see how many failures all these guys who never have to ask have hidden under the carpet! Maybe it’s because I’m frustrated, but I don’t believe too much in the Befana.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">________________</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 26px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-frustrated-gays-who-do-not-believe-in-the-befana" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-frustrated-gays-who-do-not-believe-in-the-befana</a></p>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-21766561313893375622020-05-16T16:53:00.000+02:002020-05-16T16:53:49.637+02:00COUPLE GAY SEX AND FEAR OF DISEASES<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hi Project,</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m writing to you because in these days I’m having a thousand problems regarding sex with my partner. I’m 34 years old, he is 32, it must be said immediately that unfortunately we don’t live together because we work and live in cities about 200 km away, however, for years now, we have met in practice every weekend, once I go to him and once he comes to me. The fact of not living together is unfortunately a big limitation, we tried to look for a solution, somehow to change job or company, but it’s a very problematic thing and moving is practically impossible, we both know it, as we know that most likely such a situation will last for at least a few years. Between us there are no complaints about this fact because it is not anyone’s fault and neither of us can give up his job, but of course being a couple of Sunday commuters, as you can easily understand, destabilizes a little.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Since I met him I found him basically quiet. He had had his stories and even complicated, but only mental and one-sided, he calls them “mental blowjobs”, and probably he faced them by throwing himself in with his shoes on and finally getting nothing more than a series of cold showers. Before we met, he had only had sex with other guys on cam but never in person. So he had built pseudo-stories, all rigorously lasting no more than a month, but for him such stories were very important, probably because they were the first ones. It was never he the one who left a guy, but it was always his current boyfriend (let’s call him so) who left him because guys felt him a little strange, let’s say a little humoral, a little willing to do anything when he was in a good mood and a little depressed, and quite a lot, when he slipped in a bad mood, and above all because he wanted to feel free. Note, Project, that he only knew those guys through chats and some sex on cam. I don’t know how he managed to give credit to such things, but for him they must have been anyhow very involving, and every time those stories ended he used to feel very bad, at least so he told me.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">He has never been able to endure standard things, that is traditional couples, messages, birthday presents and things like that, and also with me the fact of having to make a trip every 15 days and seeing each other only on Saturdays and Sundays it’s something that he feels forced to accept, he says to me: “If I want to make love with you on Tuesday I have to wait until Saturday, but it’s absurd!” If he is a little strange and humoral, and he really is, I have my shortcomings: I don’t like unexpected program changes, I have to be able to plan my week, I’m a guy used to following my rhythms and habits and frankly I don’t have much creative spirit. He’s a genius, he’s much more intelligent than me (and I’m happy that he is!) so much so that sometimes he puts me in crisis, but many times he underestimates himself a lot, he always thinks he’s below the others, he sees the other guys more beautiful, more smart, more confident, never depressed, never in a black mood, and all this puts him in a situation of discomfort. He has never considered himself a handsome guy and when I tell him that he is (and really he is), he looks at me with a puzzled and a little annoyed air, as if I were giving him a fake compliment. We love each other, but without constraints, obviously, otherwise he wouldn’t be with me, I know he wants to be free and I never ask him questions. In the past he would tell me of the stories he had with certain guys, of course stories that were real just in his brain, now he doesn’t tell me anything anymore and I believe he has no more stories. A few years ago he considered his job to be beyond his ability, now he is very busy in his job and he’s also highly esteemed, because his bosses begin to understand that, if they let him free, he is able to do things that few others would be able to realize or even think of. In short, I think that now his job takes up a lot of his time, after his job for him there is me, Saturday and Sunday in person and the other days for an hour via Skype. He is brusque with me, also a little aggressive, but only when he’s tired or stressed by work problems, it’s true that sometimes he treats me like a rag but then he regrets it and apologizes.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">But now I come to the reason why I’m writing you this email. When we met he was 26 years old, he was the one to court me, I liked him very much, I considered him the most beautiful guy I had known, but I thought that a guy like him could not find anything interesting in me. At the beginning we talked a lot on the phone, even several hours in the day, then it was he who took the sexual initiative, something that I would have never expected, I certainly wanted it, but I didn’t think it possible. It was the first time for him and for me. I was full of complexes, and in practice he did everything, he was patient, he put me at ease and slowly made me understand many things about sex. The best thing, when we had sex, was to see him play, joke, feel totally free, I cannot deny that all this dragged me into an environment of sexual spontaneity that I would never have thought possible before, but that with him was an absolutely natural thing. We used to speak and behave with each other with the utmost freedom and there was a practically perfect understanding, I can’t say that there was total symmetry, because we had different ways of living sex but we were happy to be together, we needed nothing else. If I think about me, well, he really changed my life, he took me to another highly engaging dimension. At the time we weren’t even afraid of HIV because neither he nor I had ever had relationships with anyone, and sex was really a way to let loose, more on his part than on my part, but he knew he was making me discover a new world and he respected my times, he tried to follow my rhythms, or at least to involve me in his, but in a very sweet and respectful way, yes “respectful” is the right adjective. I was very well with him, a few months before I thought that I would never have sex with anyone, and a few months later, in practice our meetings were centered on sex and I certainly don’t say so to diminish or devalue, because it was not stupid sex at all, we were in love and used to tell each other that we loved each other through sex above all. In short, the first times (even two or three years) we never had sexual problems of any kind. Little by little, a deeper mutual trust was added to sexual intercourse and he told me many things about himself, even of a very private and embarrassing type, in essence he trusted me and he thought of letting me enter his very private world. I think at first he expected a reaction from me similar to what other guys had in front of those speeches, then he realized that there was nothing to fear from my part. Once, a year ago, he told me something that upset me a lot, it sounded more or less like this: “I stay with you because you are a good person, because you respect me, you allow me to feel free, you don’t judge me, I know that you love me, I don’t know how, but you love me, I’m not in love with you but I’m fine with you, I feel safe, precisely because you love me. For you I have never had that very strong physical involvement that I have had for some other guys, it is a different thing, something quiet, you are not my lover, but you are a good man, and I trust you and until now I never regretted it. Maybe I’ll fall in love with other guys and maybe I’ll go with them, but I have to know that you are there and that if I needed you, you wouldn’t leave me alone.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">But let’s get to the specific problem. A couple of years ago he had sexual relations with other guys, safe and protected sex only, as he told me, but, you know how it is, in short, after he told me it (we hadn’t had sex for a couple of months) he asked me to make love to him and I told him that I didn’t feel like having sex, but only because of the HIV risk. He initially didn’t take it well, he acted like I was rejecting him, then he understood and agreed to take the test, which resulted negative, according to common sense I should have felt calm and reassured but nevertheless I had the same fear because he could have gone with another guys without telling me anything. I actually don’t think he would have put me at risk, but, you know, these ideas are a bit like a worm that doesn’t go out anymore when it enters your brain. He saw my embarrassment but tried to make me overcome my fears, while in the same time I was trying to reduce our sexual contacts to something that was just at minimal risk, if not zero. From this mechanism began the strange trend of our sexuality. He felt annoyed and somehow upset by my attitude, because, after all, he had done the test and it had resulted negative, and to think that he could have put me at risk without telling me it, was somehow a deep lack of trust in him, because, I’m convinced, he would never do such a thing. In short, an asymmetry started from there, let’s call it so, he could do certain things to me that I didn’t reciprocate on him and other things were not done at all, he tended to involve me more and more and I tended to keep myself within the boundaries of a very low risk. Then slowly he began to think that I had sex with him not for me but for him, as if it were an altruistic gesture, as if I did it out of pity for him. Such an idea is completely absurd, because I think of him very often in sexual terms and, during the week, when he is not there, I masturbate thinking about him. Note, Project, that since we started our relationship I have never fantasized about other guys. But he’s convinced that the fear of HIV is not the real reason for some of my reluctances. Before, when I went to him or he came to me, the first thing that happened was to go to the bedroom. Lunch could very well wait and so did all the rest and even the speeches, but it was obvious that sex, after a week that we had been apart, could not be postponed at all. Now it’s not like that anymore, when we meet we start talking about this and that and even about stupid things, as if we were trying to waste time, I don’t take the initiative neither does he, and he gets angry, he tells me that I’m a hypocrite, that I want him to always take the initiative, so that I can then give my consent like a grace, he tells me that this thing is making him angry because this script is repeated exactly in the same way too many times. I swear to you, Project, that I don’t take the initiative just because I’m embarrassed and I don’t have the slightest intention giving my consent like a grace, because in any case my consent is obvious. For the whole week I say to myself and I repeat that I have to take the initiative, then, when we are together I stop, I’m afraid that he will say no, that he will get angry because it is not the right time or for some other reason, or simply because maybe he’s stressed and would prefer to speak. He complains that I talk too much, that I act like a young girl full of complexes, that I use a too flirtatious and feminine language. He would like me to be at his level, very determined and above all much more interested in sex. In a way he doesn’t understand that I’m interested, but essentially because he is there, because if he were not there, sex for me would be a strictly individual thing and made above all, and perhaps completely, of fantasy and of much or more frustrated desires, as it was before I knew him.</span></span></div>
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<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Our problems are almost all in the starting phase of sex, which can be ruined by talking too much. I often try to bite my tongue and avoid speeches because I know he doesn’t like them and I try to adopt adequate language and behavior. In practice I try to imitate his language and his behavior. He tells me that I look like an 18th-century valet and that he would like me to be “more man”, an expression that I don’t like at all. He tells me that with him I have to be spontaneous, I must take the liberty of doing anything, that I don’t have to be “obsequious and clumsy” but that I have to wake up. More or less since Christmas, last year, every now and then, let’s say more or less 30% of the time, it was possible to reach a mutual understanding like that of the early times, and it was a very beautiful thing, apart from sex, because he stopped attacking me with the usual speeches and with the usual emphasis and I was actually able to feel again that respect for me that had been the rule in the early years.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then the story of the virus intervened which interrupted our travels on Saturdays and Sundays, and I could say that perhaps, at least until now, it was a positive thing because abstinence stimulates desire and then we tried to equip ourselves to do at least a bit of sex on cam, but something unexpected happened, we started talking a lot and it was fine, I mean it was fine for him too. Sex on cam wasn’t a stupid thing at all because he was there. I can say that we had found a stable balance much more solid and less problematic than that of the Sunday trips.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">In days, they say, we will probably be able to resume our travels and I don’t know what to do, because resuming the meetings on Saturday and Sunday would probably take away from our relationship the strength of daily dialogue, and, let’s face it, this would let emerge many sexual problems which are currently hidden or temporarily removed. I would like to propose him to interrupt our meetings, but be careful, interrupting our meetings does not mean diminishing or devaluating the relationship but exactly the opposite, anyhow I don’t know how he could react to a similar proposal. I really don’t want him to take it as a rejection of him as a person. I’m afraid that the mutual clarifications and embarrassments will start again and that the level of communication that had been reached in the period of social isolation will be lost. I think I will let him make all the choices he likes better and then I will adapt anyway, because if he didn’t feel free he would be uncomfortable. He told me that he can’t wait to see me, and I too really can’t wait to embrace him again … In short, I think we will go back to the previous standards and I like it because the real physical contact is another thing, but I fear that our beautiful hours of chat conversation will end up in nothing at all, I’m afraid he can start getting angry at me again, that he may misunderstand the fear of HIV, and now also of the covid; in short I’m afraid everything can go into crisis again. It is a very concrete danger or at least I feel it very concrete, until now the limits of our relationship came from the fact that it was not possible to circulate, but afterwards there will be limits that will be attributed only to me. He will try to make me go beyond those limits, I won’t do it and things will fall apart again. I’m almost afraid to start again, I’m almost afraid of him and the fact that he will be disappointed, I come up to think that I made him lose the best years of his life and that basically I’m not able to love him. Sometimes I think that without sex everything would be better and that spontaneity fades over the years, I speak just for myself of course. What do you think about, Project?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-couple-gay-sex-and-fear-of-diseases" rel="noopener" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-couple-gay-sex-and-fear-of-diseases</a></span></div>
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PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-90881447684422097402020-05-16T16:45:00.000+02:002020-05-16T16:45:35.081+02:00A GAY COUPLE DIVIDED BY THE COVID RED AREA<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; text-align: justify;">
<span class="mycode_b" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Email dated March 13, 2020.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Hi Project,</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I am writing to tell you my and my boyfriend's story in these terrible days of the virus. I can tell you that this thing, which risks becoming a worldwide disaster and which you would do well to try to contain by any means, has also involved my life and especially that of my boyfriend. I use invented names to respect privacy: I will be called Peter and Paul.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I start from afar. We have known each other for several years, I work in the IT field and he is a doctor. We have been together for more than 10 years, we met in a completely random way because we had friends in common. He lives in northern Italy and I’m in central-south. In practice we have dreamed of living together for a long time but it has never been possible. He has family situations that don’t allow him to go too far, I could do it, I could go to him, but this would create other difficulties and therefore somehow we got organized, I don't work on Saturday, he had flexible shifts and had, on average, a free Saturday out of two, therefore, leaving my home on Friday after 20.00 and traveling all night, I usually was able to get where he lives early on Saturday morning, and he was there waiting for me at the station, we used to go together for breakfast in a beautiful bar and then drove to a small house that his parents had at the foot of the Alps, in a large meadow, which was often covered in snow in winter and in summer was of a unique and incredible green like an emerald, near the house there was a small fountain of cold and clean water, we unloaded our bags at home and walked around in beautiful places that he knew like his pockets, in the evening we could have our intimacy in an unimaginable silence. The following day we used to go on a few more excursions and then he used to take me back to town to the railway station where I had to take the train back home. It is true that we saw each other more or less twice a month and that in practice it was always me the one who had to take the train back and forth, but those Saturdays and Sundays were so wonderful that had the power to give sense to my whole life. Paul and I really love each other, I don't know how I happened to meet him but I consider myself totally lucky, he is a sweet, generous guy who works for others, when on Sunday mornings we go to have breakfast in the mountain village, they all embrace him very warmly and you can see that they love him. He tells me he is happy to be with me and when I hear him say these things I fill myself with pride.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">But let's get to the facts. Now he is finished in the red zone. For practically a month I have only seen him on Skype, he works in the hospital and we only get in touch late at night when he comes home and contacts me. Since last year he lives alone, he is no longer with his family, even if he lives very close to them. He has his own house and when he arrives home very tired he starts chatting with me. He understands the seriousness of the situation, because he sees it every day and tells me that people don’t understand and minimize but that it is a disease which can decimate the world, but beyond these speeches he doesn’t go. I have a damned fear that Paul could become infected but I can't talk to him about it, he tells me that he doesn't want to hear those speeches and that he must do his duty because if even the doctors run away, sick people are left to themselves and they have no means to defend themselves. He always asks me about me, what I do, where I go, mutual friends but he doesn't want to talk about his work, he just avoids the topic, it is evident that he too is afraid but on one side he cannot be afraid and on the other he doesn’t want to give up. He only tells me that he is tired, that shifts are exhausting but that he must go on anyway because it is too important. Sometimes I feel him happy and he hints at something that has gone well. Paul is not a machine, he participates very emotionally in the fate of his patients. When there are new government decrees, we start reading them together to try to understand exactly all the rules they contain. If I mention that certain prevention measures can be excessive, he attacks me (albeit gently) and tells me that I don’t understand because I don't deal with those things and that certain measures are absolutely indispensable. He brings me China as an example, China risked disaster but with very rigid measures has managed to contain the infection. Here things are more difficult because among the people there is a lot of unconsciousness, a lot of foolishness, they think that the worst has already passed while it has yet to begin. He tells me that times will be longer than people imagine and he recommends me a thousand times to observe all the rules of prudence: “Wash your hands! Avoid crowd! etc. etc .”. When I told him that my company had started teleworking he calmed down. In fact, the work of a computer scientist can also be done at home or on platforms that allow multi-conferences, for us it is easy and we also have the means to do these things. Paul worries about me, but I worry about him and if in the evening he is late, I panic, but until now he has always come. He repeats that he is careful, of course, because he puts into practice all the security measures that in the hospital are very tight for doctors and nurses and this is the only way he has in order to reassure me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">In short, Project, so far for the two of us it has gone quite well, but nobody knows how long it will last and then we must put our soul in peace and hope that things will not become explosive and that he will not end up in the number of infected people or worse. There is a lot of anxiety on both sides but he cannot admit it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Who knows how many couples have been divided by the virus! As I would like to hug Paul, now we only do the gesture on cam but sooner or later we will hug again and it will be beautiful. I conclude by wishing everyone involved to be able to get out of it as soon as possible and in the best possible way. Thanks also to you, Project, of course you can use this email as you like better.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Peter</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">________________</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span class="mycode_b" style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: large;">Email dated March 24, 2020.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Hi Project.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I wrote to you a few days ago, I think you will remember Peter and Paul. I am writing to you in the long moments of emptiness when I cannot get in contact with Paul and I find myself alone to reflect on what is happening.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">The general situation of the epidemic would let anyone to begin a rethinking of their whole life, for those who have lost parents or grandparents or other relatives or friends the situation is terrible, they see the plan of a life vanish in a few days, death upsets families in the more violent and unexpected way, but for me and Paul the situation is fortunately not so dramatic, I’m I am worried about him, I know he’s prudent and very scrupulous but very little is enough to make a difference.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">As for me, certainly the least directly exposed, I began to question many of my certainties, I feel much more fragile than before, I’m devaluing a lot of things that I previously considered fundamental, such as economic security and a broad possibility to make my choices but I feel weak because I’m exposed to the risk of losing Paul and it would be a tragedy for me that I don't even dare to think about.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">The father of one of my friend's died of the virus and two other friends of mine have a relative in the hospital. Many are afraid and try to keep going day by day as they can, because they must also work to survive. I work from home, I don't take serious risks, at least for the moment, but I’m worried about Paul, I think of him at all times of the day because he is right on the front line and I feel him exhausted from fatigue and downcast for what he has to see every day and that when he talks to me he systematically tries to omit.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I have always loved him, but seeing how he strives for the good of others to the point of exhaustion I begin to consider him as half a saint, and I think I will never be at his level. In these days he saw many people die, he tried to give them comfort as it was possible and as long as it was possible, but then he saw those people whom he had tried to save in any way die terribly. He tells me that for him now death is not only a daily reality but something he must see several times a day. When someone comes out of the intensive care ward, he feels happy and in fact sometimes it is almost a miracle.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">He was even before an excellent, generous, selfless guy, but now I see him in a different atmosphere and, if possible, I love him even more than before, because I saw him at work, I saw his moral dimension. Yesterday he asked me to say a prayer for him, and I got scared and I asked him if he was positive and he said no, he asked me for a prayer to help him go all the way and not give up, he needed a greater strength, or better a consolation, I think, to be able to transmit it to all the people it tries to cure every day.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Today I tried to pray for him and I did it, but it’s something I never do, that’s why probably in my prayer there was something selfish, I prayed not to lose him, because for me he’s as essential as the light of the sun, but he had asked me for something different, that is, he asked me to pray for him to have the strength to go on. I know that he is taking serious risks and I’m very scared and it also seems right to me to ask the Lord not to take him away from me, even if we are a gay couple, because we really love each other.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Tonight I feel very agitated, sometimes at night I can't sleep, I miss him, I miss him damn but I know that he has his duty to follow and that he will do it to the end. I have never seen anyone die, obviously I have seen sometimes dead people, but I have never seen anyone die, but he sees these things every day and I think it is precisely seeing suffering and death that gives him a very strong push to do what he does.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday he told me that a lady who had gone out of the intensive care ward and that he had been assisting for days had given him a wooden rosary and told him that she would pray for him and his girlfriend, he was moved and told the lady that he didn’t have a girl but a guy because he was gay and the lady told him that it was fine all the same and that she would pray for his boyfriend, because Paul was a good guy and he could give so much to his boyfriend. Then the lady started to cry, because she had a son more or less the age of Paul. When he told me this story he had a voice broken by emotion! How can you not love a man like Paul? I would have hugged him strongly! I would have lifted him off the ground to make him feel that I love him! I’m very upset and anxious, Project, but for me living these days is a very profound experience that is changing my life.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Peter</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">___________________</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span class="mycode_b" style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: large;">Email dated March 30, 2020.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Hi Project,</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">today the data of the Civil Protection are comforting, I should be more calm and instead I feel very agitated and I can't refrain, Paul works tonight, I heard him in the early afternoon, he tends to calm me down, to reassure me, but when I hear the news and they say that other doctors have died, I get terror, terrible anxiety and I think there may be him too. He tells me that even if he catches the virus, he shouldn't take huge risks because he is young and mortality for those of his age is low, but many of his colleagues have tested positive and many have also died. He has no doubts, he must go on, he must put aside all emotions to maintain the highest possible level of self-control. He always tells me that he hopes that all this frightening adventure can change many absurd ways of reasoning. He quoted me a phrase from Pope Francis that struck him a lot, because that's what he always thought: "We thought we would always stay healthy in a sick world". I clearly feel that Paul is tired, exhausted, I feel it because until about a month ago we used to talk a lot on skype, now we speak less because he needs to sleep and I leave him quiet, but when I close the call I begin to be assaulted by despair, I'm afraid, I'm bloody afraid. People begin to relax and think that they are now getting out of it, but Paul continually repeats to me that this is not the case, that the situation can get out of hand very easily and that we could start again as before and worse than before. He repeats that nothing has changed from them yet and that nothing will change for several days, he says at least three weeks. Now they have a little more means than in the first days, if there is something that makes the difference, if anything, it is just that, it is always a struggle but a little less desperate. People continue to die exactly as before even though doctors can at least say they have done everything they could. Paul tells me that to return to acceptable levels the number of ICU patients should decrease by at least 50%, but it will take time and people will continue to die. He thinks of many other countries where there is no public health service that can react like ours and tells me that mortality will necessarily be much higher there. By now we stay on a video call at least for one hour and a half a day, I see him tired, much thinner than usual but nevertheless he is also calm, I don't know how he manages to be calm, it is evident that he is aware of doing something fundamental, he tells me that the thing that is more difficult for him is not to let himself be overwhelmed by failures, that are many, many. I don't sleep, Project, I ask God to save him but when I do it I have a thousand doubts, why him and not the others too? What's the point of praying? Why do catastrophes like this epidemic happen? Or maybe we notice the disasters that upset the world only when they happen to us. I can't even pray, it seems to me an act of selfishness, because I ask for something for myself, while perhaps we should just say: "your will be done" even if we don't understand the meaning of it or refuse to understand it because it affects us personally. Sometimes I find myself making absurd thoughts, almost trying to make a contract with God: He saves my Paul and I give up sex, but then it seems to me a kind of stupid market, if I think that in order to have Paul unscathed I have to give up to sex, it means that after all I also think that sex between us is a negative thing, but I don't think it at all, because it's not like that, and then I don't have to ask anything for me, it will be what it will be, and it will be accepted anyway, although it may be something terrible, as tens of thousands of people accepted it. In certain moments I’m also less afraid of death, of my personal death, I say, because I see it less as a personal drama and more as a collective destiny and I would say almost natural. I can't take it anymore, Project, I think of Paul at all times, I try to imagine what he is doing at that moment and I dream that the nightmare will end as soon as possible and that we can go back to his house at the foot of Alps together, but all this still seems to me damned far and uncertain. Think about me too, if you can, Project, reading your emails helps me to move forward with less anguish.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Obviously you can make use of this email as you wish.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I hug you.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Peter</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">_______________</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span class="mycode_b" style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: large;">Email dated May 9, 2020.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Hi Project,</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I tell you right away, to prevent you from worry, that "now" it is all quiet, but Paul got through some bad moments, and you can imagine how I felt. Between me and Paul there is a binding agreement: if there is any serious problem we must both know it and we must face it together. In our pre-covid life it has always been like this, so I knew very well that he would let me know how things really were, on Thursday April 2, he calls me at a strange time, in the morning, he tells me that he has a little cough but "at the moment" he has no fever, but he confesses to me that he is worried, so the fear that it may be covid is already in his head, he tells me that he had asked for the pharyngeal swab that will be done within two hours, results should arrive within the next 24 hours. He doesn’t try to tell me it's not covid, instead he tries to prepare me for the idea that it is really covid, he is not afraid because, he explains, now the doctors are starting to have a bit more clear ideas on how to handle the matter. He tells me: "I would have preferred to avoid this experience, but we'll get out of it!" In practice, he takes the test result for granted. The cell phone call doesn't last long, because they call him almost immediately for the swab. A quarter of an hour later he tells me that they won't let him go to the ward waiting for the result of the swab and that he thus will go home immediately and will call me on Skype just got home.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">He calls me on skype and asks me about me, he tells me that he has "no fever yet”, but that he has a cough that suggests that it could be covid. We talked a bit, then I had to do my online work shift and we said goodbye. At 20.30 I called him back, he said he had a little fever, but that he had with him all the medicines needed, in practice he had already foreseen the evolution of that angry cough. I ask him how much fever he has and he tells me 38.5, but he says that he has "good" saturation, I ask him how much and he tells me "95" that for one his age he is not good at all, but he is not distressed by this fact. He alerted the hospital and they asked if he needed anything and he replied "no for now". He tried to explain to me what therapy he would follow, but I was unable to understand his speech, was hearing him coughing and I didn't want him to tire too much.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">In our conversation, just to not tire him, I spoke almost continuously while he limited himself only to listen and I told him "our story" from the beginning, he was happy to hear it, he felt pampered, object of affectionate attention, and he needed all this very much precisely because he was sick. He took his medicines, then he said to me: "always saturation 95, but the temperature is 38.9 and I feel tired, maybe it's better to take an antipyretic." He took the antipyretic and 40-50 minutes later the temperature dropped to 38, the saturation was always 95 and he was a little breathless. He told me he wanted to try to get some sleep and that he set the alarm on at 3:00 and would call me back. I let him sleep, but, Project, you can't imagine what I was feeling inside, I was stretched like a violin string, wakeful and with wide eyes, I was unable to close my eyes waiting for 3.00. At 3.01 he called me, told me that the saturation was always 95 with some ups and downs and that the fever was stabilized at 38. He had taken other medicines and thought he would try to get some rest again. He would call me back at 7.00. This time I was, if I can say so, a little more peaceful.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">At 7.00 he did not call me and I have been anxious for more than an hour because he was not answering my cell phone calls, then he called me shortly before 8.15 am and he said that one of his colleagues had come to see him and had told him that the swab was positive and that since the saturation was always on 95 and this could tire him it would have been good to take a little oxygen, at 2 liters per minute, even a little to support the heart. They said they would bring the oxygen to him within a couple of hours, not a compressed gas cylinder but a liquid gas cylinder that would last much longer, more or less 5-6 days. The fever was 38.3 now, several hours after the antipyretic. He told me that he felt tired and that he would try to rest waiting for the oxygen, he added that he would call me as soon as he started taking oxygen.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">What he had told me was serious but all in all not distressed, but other times he had told me that the worst moments come after a few days and I was very agitated. Shortly after 9.00 he calls me back and tells me that with oxygen at 2 liters per minute, which is all in all low, he feels much less evanescent, that he is continuing the therapy and that he is monitored by his colleagues doctors. He tells me that with oxygen he also feels like getting up and walking, whereas before he could only stay in bed and feeling nevertheless very dizzy and fatigued. In the afternoon he did himself the ECG and told me it was good. During the day he didn’t resume antipyretics and the temperature didn’t go above 38.4, the saturation “with oxygen” was at 98, therefore good, it oscillated a little but little and the values were on average high. Anyhow I continued to hear the cough exactly as before. When he was speaking through headphones I was able to hear the hiss of the oxygen coming out of the inhaler. I'm not going to tell you about everything that happened and everything we said to each other hour by hour.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">April 4 was the most difficult day, the temperature, in the evening, went up to 38.9 and he had to take another antipyretic, but that things were at risk of taking a bad turn one could understand it from the saturation that even "with oxygen" had fallen to 95-96 (but perhaps a little more 96 that 95), I was very worried, he less than me and it reassured me a lot. We got in touch 4 times during the night, I was afraid that the situation could get worse at any moment, it has been the worst night. On Sunday morning, that is, the following day, the situation seemed stable, but Paul was not well at all. He often measured saturation, but until 5 o'clock in the afternoon no change was seen, fever always very high (he didn't want to take antipyretics before the fever reached 39 but the fever was always slightly lower).</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">In the late evening (of Sunday) things started to improve, the temperature, without antipyretic, did not exceed 38 and sometimes even fell below 38 and the saturation slowly rose and gradually abandoned that limit value of 95. Monday 7 temperature began to drop around 37.5 and Paul received another oxygen supply. In the next two days the improvement was constant, Paul preferred not to start talking of "healing phase", and when I spoke about it he said it was too early and that to have a relative certainty it was necessary to wait three or four more days.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">On the morning of April 10 (Friday) Paul took off the oxygen while talking to me and half an hour later he measured the saturation and it was 97 "without oxygen", now finally an acceptable value, I asked him how he felt and he said " much better, I breathe in a satisfying and trouble-free way even without oxygen. " During the same day the fever disappeared completely and in the evening the saturation began to oscillate between 98 and 99, a sign that things, at the lung level, had come back to normal. By now Paul was calm.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">On the evening of April 10 he asked that they do the swab and on Saturday 11 they went to his house to do it, he was now clinically healed, the swab was nevertheless still positive, but he wasn't worried about this fact. On April 13 morning they did him the swab again and this time it resulted negative, on April 15 they did him the second swab which was negative again. A few days later he came back to the hospital ward and resumed work with covid patients. It has been two weeks that I will never forget. He then explained to me that it went well and that it could have been much worse than that because he had seen even young people die.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Now he should be immunized, so the covid shouldn't scare him anymore. The two weeks of illness made him lose weight and he was never one of strong build. Looking at him on skype he seemed to have enormous eyes in a face very emaciated, and he has beautiful eyes! When I tell him that the epidemic is about to end, he always tells me that now he is no longer afraid for himself but that people continue to die and that even if there is a decline, the epidemic is not at all extinguished, that there are still too many new positives to say that we are out of it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">A few days ago he told me that they sent a 24-year-old boy to ICU and that he took care of him. Luckily that boy came out of the ICU after a few days and Paul also followed him to the ward and asked him if he wanted to contact someone in a video call, like his parents, but the boy asked Paul to call immediately his boyfriend ,who had been without news for more than 10 days, while the parents had been informed every day. The boy wanted Paul to stay in the room during the video call. The two boys started crying on the phone and then they also involved Paul: "If the doctor wasn't there, who knows where I was now!" At the end of the video call, Paul said to the boy: "but you two really love each other!" The boy's eyes shone. Then Paul went back to intensive care ward. When he told me this story Paul was happy and said to me: “They were really in love! There you really see if anyone loves you! "</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">As usual you can make use of this email as you wish. Thanks for your response the other time and sorry if I didn't answer you right away.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I hug you.</span></span></div>
<span class="mycode_size" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Peter</span></span><br />
<span class="mycode_size" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">___________________</span></span><br />
<span class="mycode_size" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: </span><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-a-gay-couple-divided-by-the-covid-red-area" rel="noopener" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-a-gay-couple-divided-by-the-covid-red-area</a></span></span>PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-59298356412791814662020-05-16T16:34:00.000+02:002020-05-16T16:34:04.200+02:00EXHAUSTED GAY RELATIONSHIPS AND FREE UNIONS<div class="mycode_align" style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">This post is divided into two distinct sections:</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">1) the first is dedicated to the distinction between the behaviors that that are indicator lights of exhausted gay relationships (that is, of the gay relationships that have lost the original momentum and the motivational drive of the early days but, despite everything, continue out of habit or out of reluctance to change perspectives) and the affective requests that can hide behind those behaviors;</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">2) and the second dedicated to the trend towards free relationships, that is, towards relationships without any legal constraint (without Marriage or Civil Union at the Municipalities' Registry Offices).</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">The two arguments may seem somewhat heterogeneous but are actually deeply connected.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">SYMPTOMS OF EXHAUSTED GAY RELATIONSHIPS AND AFFECTIVE REQUESTS</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Interpersonal relationships, even the most lasting ones, over the years, inevitably face wear and tear. Many times these relationships were from the beginning without solid foundations, that is, they were relationships upstream of which there was no instinctive and conscious and above all mutual choice, sometimes they are stories that began, then interrupted, then started again, that for both partners are not an instinctive, at least potentially definitive choice, but one of the possible hypotheses on which a perpetual indecision remains. But even when a story initially has all the necessary requirements to last, daily life, or rather the transcription of the story from the lyrical level of falling in love (assuming that there was a real falling in love at least at the beginning) to that of everyday life brings out weaknesses and critical issues.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Symptoms of attrition are generally small episodes in which each of the two partners manifests forms of intolerance towards the weaknesses of the other or shows judgmental attitudes systematically avoiding any effort of understanding, classic are the behaviors related to the idea that the partner is not quick enough to understand, he cannot do elementary things, he always falls back into the same mistakes. Often the request to have time for oneself is an indicator of the wear and tear of a relationship. Behaviors become standardized, everyone knows exactly what to expect, the speeches are always the same, the mutual reproaches, more or less veiled, are repeated in substantially similar situations, it is as if a script was repeated, the partner person is considered to be lackluster and unattractive, not up to the situation, the talks that could stray from the routine are stopped in the bud and there is room for unexpected reactions, which then can be followed by an internal repentance which, however, is not manifested to the partner for reasons of pride, the insistence on keeping the point, not giving in, not leaving room for the partner is quite evident.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Even sexual behaviors become more and more standardized, partners no longer try to find a balance that can be satisfactory for both and begin to think that there can certainly be better alternatives than the story that is being lived, even if, in practice, those alternatives do not exist at all. Sex becomes a hurried affair in which everyone relates only to himself, and it is no longer accompanied by an emotional atmosphere full of desire as in the times of falling in love. The interest in the sexuality of the partner gives way to sexual selfishness that reduces the other to an instrument, an object rather than a subject.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">This description of the characteristic signals of a worn-out relationship is however only theoretical because it is objectively very difficult to distinguish between such signals and the requests for greater emotional involvement addressed to the partner, and the risk that a wrong interpretation of those behaviors could undermine an important relationship, conditioned only by a communication defect, it is quite concrete. Formal detachment is often not a detachment at all but an affective request. The difference between the two situations lies in the absence of final declarations, that is, in always leaving a door open to the partner, in the case of an emotional request. I give a typical example. Two partners can also go so far as to say big words and indulge in forms of intemperance, but if after the reproaches, for example contained in an email, the email ends with a ILY (I love you) it is evident that the dominant dimension is the emotional one. If after the sprint of pride and the request for autonomy there is an attempt to go back, it is clear that the sprint of pride and the request for autonomy were actually affective requests, they were ways to elicit a response from the partner.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Even in the context of strictly sexual behaviors it is possible and often easy to confuse the characteristic behaviors of a worn down relationship with the requests for greater involvement by the partner. A very typical behavior characteristic of worn out relationships is the sexual unavailability of one of the partners, declaring himself tired, little interested in sex, stressed, etc. etc., or even simply the reduction of the frequency of sexual intercourse. Stress and fatigue can be real and not being episodically available to sexual contact can certainly have objective reasons. Obviously, if saying no becomes systematic it is a sign of rejection, if instead the sexual contact, when it is realized , is truly experienced as a form of deep communication, then saying sometimes no it is not an indication of a worn relationship. In general, it is not a sign of wear and tear of the relationship to try to correct the partner's attitudes by demanding less artificial forms of communication from him. There are people who experience sexuality by mediating it with many words that can sound unnecessary and rhetorical to the partner, in cases of this kind, the request to avoid excessive words is not a refusal of the partner but an attempt to correct him.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Given these clarifications on the difficulty of discerning the signs of wear and tear of a relationship from emotional requests, we take another step forward. What do you do when you realize that the relationship "probably" is about to end? do you stop it immediately? Do you expect the other to do it? Or do you let the passage of time decide the end of the relationship? In any case, you have to think very well before taking action, because often creaking buildings, if properly renovated, withstand time and earthquakes, while new buildings poorly designed collapse at the slightest failure.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">There are rare situations in which there are very few doubts and these situations are those in which we must move away from a violent partner or prone to emotional blackmail, or from a partner who identifies sex as a domain and as a reality completely detached from affectivity. But in all other cases, haste is often a bad adviser. It happens that, after instinctive and uncontrolled moments of reaction that lead to decisions that are as quick as they are little thought about, there are second thoughts and attempts to recover situations that are no longer recoverable. The one-minute outburst can lead to the immediate gratification due to the refusal of the other considered not up to situation but in the long run can trigger late and useless regrets. We should never forget that destroying is always much easier than building and that giving your partner one more chance is not a gesture of weakness but often exactly the opposite.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">COUPLE PROBLEMS AND TREND TO FREE UNIONS</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">The following analysis refers to the Italian situation and the reported data come from ISTAT, the Italian Institute of Statistics, but the discussion has a much more general validity and certainly applies to all Western European countries and also to North American countries.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">In the heterosexual world, when couples are stabilized by the bond of marriage, especially when there are children, the problems related to the crisis of the couple can be truly enormous even from a legal point of view, for the custody of the children and for the economic aspects related to communion of goods, when the marriage took place under the communion of goods regime, or when family relationships overlap with legal relationships related to the ownership of the family business or professional studies. For gays, complications of this type are absolutely exceptional. These problems that could have arisen even for gay couples united by a Civil Union pact, in reality did not arise, because Civil Unions have a much weaker bond regime than that of marriage, because the Civil Union can be dissolved at the simple request of only one of the two contracting parties, which, it was believed, would have made the Civil Union a reality very appreciated by the population. In reality, Civil Unions, despite the very light bond regime, have been and still are a very little widespread reality and this not so much for the fact that homosexual couples do not yet have the social approval that characterizes marriage, but because, both in the heterosexual context and in the gay sphere the model of free relationships is increasingly gaining ground, that is, of unions absolutely without legal sanctions.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I quote here below a ISTAT Report of November, 20, 2019.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">"In 2018, 2,808 civil unions (between same-sex couples) were established at the registrars of Italian municipalities. These must be added to those already established during the second half of 2016 (2,336), the year of entry into force of the Law May,20, 2016, no. 76, and during the year 2017 (4,376). As expected, after the peak immediately following the entry into force of the new law, the phenomenon is now stabilizing. The prevalence of couples of men is also confirmed in 2018 (1,802 unions, 64.2% of the total), albeit gradually decreasing (73.6% in 2016, 67.7% in 2017). 37.2% of civil unions were established in the Northwest, followed by the Center (27.2%). Lombardy is in the lead with 25%, followed by Lazio (15.1%), Emilia-Romagna (10.0%) and Tuscany (9.4%).The civil unions established in Italy in 2018 are 4.6 per 100 thousand inhabitants: ranging from 7 in Lazio, Lombardy and Tuscany to about 0.5 per 100 thousand in Calabria, Basilicata and Molise. The attractive role of some metropolises emerges with particular evidence. In 2018, in fact, 32.7% of the civil unions occurred in Italy were concentrated in the big cities: at the top of the ranking are Rome (290 unions, 10.3%) and Milan (257 unions, 9.2%) ; the share of civil unions of couples of men is particularly high in Milan (equal to 75.5%) compared to Rome (66.9%). Considering the incidence of civil unions on the total resident population, in 2018 18.7 civil unions per 100 thousand inhabitants were established in Milan, in Rome 10.1. Among the cities of the South, only Naples and Palermo show values above 1 per 100 thousand inhabitants."</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">I would add that civilly united homosexual couples have an average age of 49.5 years if male and 45.9 years if female, that is, homosexual couples are non-young couples. If we consider that in 2018 there were 195,778 marriages celebrated in Italy and 2,808 civil unions, we immediately notice that the same-sex civil unions were just over 1,4% compared to marriages, even if in recent years the number of marriages has drastically decreased in favor of free unions, a phenomenon on which we must stop to reflect.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">Also from ISTAT we know that:</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">"The comparison between the data from the 1991 population census and those from 2018 shows the profound changes that have taken place. Among individuals aged 15-64, in the face of a slight drop in the population (-309 thousand), married people decrease (3 million and 843 thousand less), especially for the benefit of single and unmarried people (+3 million and 90 thousand) and, to a much lesser extent, of the divorced (over 972 thousand more).</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size"><span style="font-size: large;">The decrease and postponement of marriage, in place for over forty years, partially offset by the growth of free partnerships, led between 1991 and 2018 to a sharp decline in married couples, especially in the 25-34 age group (from 51.5% to 19.1% men, from 69.5% to 34.3% women). Single people go from 48.1% to 80.6% and single girls from 29.2% to 64.9%. In the 45-54 age group, almost one in four men never married while almost 18% of women are unmarried. "</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="mycode_size">From the above data, it is clear that the model of the Free Union, that is, of the couple's union, straight or homosexual, without any legal sanction, is spreading very decisively among the Italian population. Marriage, as far as hetero people are concerned, and civil unions, as far as gays are concerned, are seen more as a useless or even harmful bond, than as a protection of the couple's relationship, whose existence can neither be protected nor favored</span><span class="mycode_size"> by legal constraints of any kind.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">_______________________</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-exhausted-gay-relationships-and-free-unions" rel="noopener" target="_blank">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-exhausted-gay-relationships-and-free-unions</a></span></div>
PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-14436868814810333292020-05-16T16:21:00.000+02:002020-05-16T16:21:05.000+02:00GAY SEXUAL CONDITIONING AND COUPLE DIALOGUE<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I often hear people speaking about gay sexuality, I myself have used and still use this concept and I do it by adapting to a widespread and radical simplification of the concept of sexuality. Descartes begins his “Discourse on the method” by stating that, as for “common sense”, “everyone thinks they are so well endowed with it, that even those who are more difficult to satisfy with regard to any other good do not want or desire more common sense than they have. ” The same could be said for the “knowledge of sexuality”, to whoever I ask for an answer I find people who are convinced that they have a very clear concept of sexuality. However, gathering these answers I do not find that variety that one would be legitimate to expect given the plurality of individual and social conditions, I’m instead faced with rather homogeneous answers, far from individual experience and inspired above all by mass media, television, cinema, readings and, to a large extent, by the use of internet pornography. In essence, the common concept of sexuality represents an abstraction, radically simplifying and trivializing, capable, precisely because of its generality, of being acceptable to the great majority of people.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Individual sexuality, which is not an abstract concept but a reality that permeates the whole individual, is linked to many factors, first of all to personal experience, which is absolutely unique and unrepeatable even if it can be studied with standard sociological categories based on age and social conditions. Among the fundamental factors that condition personal experience, family education and sometimes even religion must be placed at the top. The intertwining of the various lines of development of the individual experience is extremely complex and, beyond the abstract or theoretical concepts, leads the individual people to “live sexuality” in very different ways.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Here then appears a first substantial distinction: the concept of sexuality of an individual is not what is stated in response to a specific question, but what is embodied in that individual’s behavior. Sexuality is not an abstract concept but a reality that lives in individual experience. Which means that knowing and understanding the sexuality of another person is an objectively very difficult thing, because to share these contents you need an atmosphere of deep intimacy and mutual trust that allows you to overcome the blocks that normally make it impossible a serious dialogue on these topics. Why is it so difficult to speak seriously not of sexuality in general but of one’s own sexuality? The fear of being judged, of being classified, marginalized and rejected, is the basis of any resistance to true dialogue on these issues and is generally a well-motivated fear.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">There are two prerequisites for any serious dialogue not about sexuality in general but about one’s own individual sexuality. The first prerequisite is the radical elimination of any judgmental attitude, that is, of any preconception, but this prerequisite is still formal and almost professional, in the sense that any psychologist assumes or should assume a non-judgmental attitude. The second assumption is substantive and completely different and consists in accepting reciprocity as a fundamental rule of dialogue on individual sexuality. Accepting reciprocity means understanding that at these levels there can be no roles, there cannot be a professional detachment but an equal dialogue must be accepted. If the dialogue is not perceived as equal, it will never reach the deepest contents of consciousness and their manifestations in sexuality. A level of communication such as that described can be reached sometimes, but not as a rule, between lovers who are now well beyond the phase of sexual experimentation and who have a very strong mutual affection, but can also be reached sometimes in the context of very close friendly relationships (without involvement of sexuality).</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">It should be noted that the depth of a relationship is measured by the quantity and quality of information about ourselves that we are available to provide to the other. In a relationship of superficial friendship we never talk about affective life or we talk about it with very general and, so to speak, common sense categories, in a relationship of close friendship, emotional and even sexual confidences become frequent, in long friendships supported by concrete evidence of mutual reliability, emotional and sexual confidence can become total, that is, it can lead two friends to have no secrets from each other. Obviously all this happens very rarely but sometimes it happens.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">What does it emerge from the comparison of individual sexualities? What emerges is essentially the category of complexity. What we consider simple and spontaneous manifestation of the sexual instinct, in reality is not at all simple or spontaneous, but is the result of the interaction of an extremely specific genetic-epigenetic substrate with the experience of the person as a whole, that is, with a plot of infinite correlations, for which it is difficult to identify even very general taxonomic categories.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I will try to limit the discussion to the gay area only. If there is truly something common in the experience of all homosexuals, this common element is nothing else than becoming and then being aware that the ways of living the affectivity and sexuality of two gay people can be radically different. More or less all gays identify being gay with falling in love with guys rather than girls, or more generally with having sex with guys rather than girls. At this level, in reality extremely general if not generic, it is easy to find consensus, when however we try to understand what it means for every single person to fall in love and have sex with a guy, that is when we move from abstract to concrete, abstract categories lose their meaning and individual stories come into play, stories strictly individual although often similar to those of other gays who find themselves in similar personal and social situations. Thus the importance of the only true instrument of knowledge of the other emerges, which is his individual story, </span><span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m speaking exactly of the individual story, that is, of a real experience, just as it is perceived by the individual who has lived that story and brings deep traces of it in his memory, I’m non speaking of the story told to other people and more or less unconsciously reinterpreted by the one who lived it. </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">One of the intrinsic limitations of any psychotherapy consists in the fact that in a professional relationship, if the therapist can guarantee non-judgmental attitudes or, better, behaviors, he certainly cannot in any case open up to a substantial reciprocity, which, alone, could lead to the emergence of the profound contents of consciousness. The therapist, therefore, starts not from the knowledge of the individual story of his patient just as the patient experiences it, but from the representation that the patient gives of that story to the outside, in a communication in which the guarantee of professional secrecy can in no way to make up for the absence of reciprocity. In a sense, we offer a deeper knowledge of ourselves to our lover or our dearest friend than to the psychotherapist because with the lover or dearest friend the condition of reciprocity can really exist.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the early 1900s, Havelock Ellis was already fully aware of the complexity of the homosexual reality and of the substantial impossibility of building a theory of homosexuality that could have a minimum of concrete utility, therefore he preferred to abandon traditional attitudes and organize his book as a collection of 39 real cases, told in the words of the protagonists themselves. The 39 stories, which make up about half of the book, allow the reader to understand the complexity of the homosexual world and then to acquire, even if through a book, a little real experience not of what “homosexuality” is at the theoretical level but of what can be the life of 39 homosexual people with different personalities and experiences. In this sense, more than a book or a scientific article, a novel or a story can help to understand the reality of the life of gays as individuals, which is what matters, and not as a category.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the 21st century, the role of novels and short stories is largely taken on by films, short films and videos, which use a different language but convey similar contents. In recent years, more or less for ten years now, there has been a noticeable flowering of gay videos, which generally deal with the major issues of gay life in a substantially serious and correct way. Obviously you cannot ask a video of an average length of twenty minutes what you can ask a novel or a feature film, but some of these videos, even if short, are small masterpieces. Generally these videos are quite well made, one feels the hand of expert directors and one understands that the production is not of a reductive amateurish type.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">These videos can constitute and sometimes really constitute a true form of affective-sexual education, capable of counteracting the models spread by pornography, because in gay themed videos the emotional and psychological dimension is present in a serious way. Unfortunately, gay-themed videos are still produced, at a substantially professional level, providing very particular gay reality models that risk favoring deviant associations in the mind of the viewer, such as the association homosexuality-drug or homosexuality-violence or homosexuality-depression or worse homosexuality-mental pathology or homosexuality-crime. These associations are the result of preconceptions and suggest that the authors of the stories, the producers and directors are not themselves homosexuals and limit themselves to making videos following common prejudices.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Gay themed videos written and made by homosexuals are generally short glimpses of homosexual life and are extremely varied, they are therefore a very powerful educational tool, easy to access and capable of highlighting the most classic themes of gay affectivity and sexuality and the gay point of view, in its most complex and varied articulation, on many issues that affect family relationships, homophobia, dialogue among gays and couple life.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Let’s go back, however, to the complexity of gay sexuality. A deep emotional relationship with your partner allows not only verbally, but also through the sharing of sexuality, a fair comparison of experiences and the emergence of all the contents of individual memory, even the most hidden. This means that a good gay couple relationship can be more useful than psychotherapy because it allows, in a context of reciprocity, to speak freely about one’s own sexuality and above all to live it without taboos.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">We need to clarify a concept, as simple as it is forgotten: sexuality can be lived and is often lived in a completely mechanical way, without deep affective involvement, and the sincerity between the partners may become something optional. The lack of sincerity reaches the point of legitimizing the betrayal and to hide from the partner some elements that would radically change his opinion on us. Even in situations where there is no betrayal and it is not a question of hiding “behaviors” that could change the judgment of the partner on us, there are other elements that can be and are often kept silent, these are the non-standard sexual fantasies that may not be accepted or understood by the partner, this is the case of pedophile fantasies even if they have never been put in practice, but it is also the case of incestuous sexual fantasies, or intergenerational, but the listing could also extend to other sexual fantasies, less alarming but quite uncommon.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Another category of experiences is almost always kept silent, even if it is facts that should in no case undermine the relationship with the partner, I refer to having suffered sexual violence or harassment in childhood or in early adolescence. The episodes of violence or sexual abuse of minors, almost always in the family environment or by regular visitors of the family environment, are unfortunately much more common than you can imagine. All these elements and many others can have a profound influence on an individual’s sexual behavior and on many other aspects of his personality. The couple relationship, if it is really a love relationship, can be the best way to achieve a substantial serenity of life.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sharing sexuality, sexual freedom in intimacy with your partner, feeling accepted for what you are, after showing yourself for what you are, is a unique opportunity for gratification and emotional exchange, which is truly able to change the life of an individual, provided that couple sexuality is truly an exchange of love and not a substantially selfish rite to exorcise solitude.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">___________</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-sexual-conditioning-and-couple-dialogue" rel="noopener" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-sexual-conditioning-and-couple-dialogue</a></span></div>
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PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-42711132756845756632020-05-16T16:12:00.000+02:002020-05-16T16:12:24.699+02:00THE MEANING OF GAY SEX WITHOUT COMMITMENTS<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">This post is dedicated to the so-called “gay sex without commitments” or to those sexual contacts that do not take place within a stable couple relationship, that is, they are not part of a structured relationship.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Two elements appear in this definition: the “stable couple” and the “structured relationship”, which must be further clarified.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">It is common practice to compare stable couples with unstable (short term) ones and structured relationships to unstructured ones, commonly called free relationships. The legacy of the traditional marriage concept is evident in these distinctions, marriage intends to structure and legitimize a couple’s relationship around the presumed indissoluble mutual fidelity which also implies a social meaning. In the case of marriage, the union is born indissoluble, or at least with the claim, more or less credible, of being indissoluble, but indissolubility is only a hypothesis that is taken for granted, because indissolubility manifests itself over time, in substance indissolubility, which in itself is by no means an obvious thing, is favored, if not actually induced and obliged by the structure that connotes the marriage bond.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">The “social”, not “couple” dimension of marriage is clearly revealed in the celebration of the wedding ceremony which is a social ceremony. Structuring a couple’s reaction means conforming to a codified and socially recognized standard, that is, inserting one’s life as a couple partner in a legal-social structure that in theory protects it but which risks distorting it completely.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today free relationships, even in the hetero field, are many, even in couples with children. This, in general, does not mean that one renounces inserting the couple life into a wider social structure, but simply that one intends to avoid legal constraints. Removing legal constraints from couple life means safeguard the freedom to interrupt couple life (without prejudice to the rights of children) without legal complications, should the need to do so be felt.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">For a gay couple, for whom insertion into a wider social structure can be very problematic, it is certainly difficult if not impossible to accept even very weak legal formalizations, such as civil unions, but it is very often necessary or at least very appropriate to avoid the socialization of the relationship beyond a very limited and reliable circle of friends. In essence, the great majority of gays, and especially young gays, do not aspire to any legalization of the couple’s relationship and to the inclusion of the couple’s life in a social dimension with not well defined borders.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Many gays, after having dreamed of an almost matrimonial life as a couple and having collected a more or less long series of illusions and disillusions, begin to convince themselves that those who promise sublime things are generally unreliable and that the risk to get involved with individuals of this kind in very structured stories, that are or can became sometimes real traps, is concrete and also probable. Those who, on the other hand, do not promise anything and indeed point out that they do not promise anything and consequently do not require any kind of a priori commitments, can, in the long run, prove to be much more serious and reliable people than they seemed at the beginning. A weak bond, both in the sense of unstructured on a social level, and in the sense of light, partial and non-totalizing, can prove to be very stable, while maintaining its characteristics of absence of structure and lightness, precisely because it is in fact a pure couple relationship on which no pressure or expectation, by the social environment or bay partner, can be loaded.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Generally we tend to distinguish simple friendships (without sex) from sexualized friendships, in which some sexual contact can also occur. If it is true that not all friendships last over time, it is equally true that not all sexualized friendships last over time. What gives both the ability to last? And here the answer is immediate. With or without sex, lasting friendships are those in which there is a real emotional foundation. It should be stressed that the sexualization of affectivity aims to maintain the relationship, apparently, on a purely or essentially sexual level, because a contact purely sexual is or seems less demanding than an important affective relationship.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">It should also be clarified that the sharing of sexuality inevitably leads to the sharing of several other aspects of emotional life and individual history: illusions, frustrations, moments of depression but also moments of joy. Those who are involved in a relationship of this kind do not fear it, they have no reason to run away, they know that no obligation, either social or towards the partner, will derive from it, they don’t feel forced,</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">don’t feel judged even by their friend, but rather they feel free and this is enough to make them feel deeply gratified.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Of course these relationships have nothing of the fusion of two lives, the partners are not two people who share every aspect of their life. Each of the two retains its full autonomy, there are no legal or economic constraints, there is no obligation of cohabitation, cohabitation can also exist but it is an absolutely free and revocable choice at any time. The circles of friends can very well remain completely separate, the relationships with the family of origin of the partner are a pure possibility which often is not followed up because a different behavior would authorize expectations and interferences that in a couple relationship should be avoided.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I do not intend to make the apology of free unions, which, as it is easy to deduce from the statistics on straight marriages and gay civil unions, are progressively gaining ground compared to legalized forms of union, in fact, sexual contacts without commitments are not even a free union, which however postulates some explicit assumption of commitments.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sexual contacts without commitments very often are such only formally, because the expression “without any commitment” does not prevent that such a contact can at least involve the moral commitment of the partners to respect each other. Formally there are no constraints and there are no expectations on either side, but over time it is possible, not to say probable, that behind a purpose declared as only sexual and “without commitments” there is actually something more, that, under the protection of the clause “without commitment”, can have the possibility to develop spontaneously and without forcing. Those who consciously live this type of experiences, in general, do not tend to transform them into something else, that is, in stable and structured relationships, and for this reason they do not experience any sense of frustration. It often happens that sex, which had been taken as the basic postulate of the relationship, over time becomes only a possible option and leaves room for other content as well.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">It should be clarified that, just as stable couple relationships are not a generalizable model of gay life, so are not a generalizable model the sexual contacts without commitments”. It is obvious that each has his own genetic and cultural predisposition to one or another type of relationship, but from what I see, now more and more often, the assumption that it is possible to realize one’s own affectivity-sexuality only in the context of a stable and structured couple is something that does not correspond to reality. Affective gratification derives neither from the presumed definitive nature of the relationship nor from its social or legal sanction, but exclusively from the presence of a real emotional contact which, when it exists, is spontaneous and whose duration cannot be guaranteed by any legal mechanism of protection.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">_____________</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-the-meaning-of-gay-sex-without-commitments" rel="noopener" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-the-meaning-of-gay-sex-without-commitments</a></span></div>
PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-5733099715549099962020-05-16T16:03:00.001+02:002020-05-16T16:03:16.412+02:00INDUSTRIAL GAY LOVES<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dear Project,</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I start from the beginning, I’m almost 27, I always knew I was gay and it was natural for me, never a problem and never a doubt. I had absolutely no problems with it, but the others had them and I could only pay the consequences. I have never been good at school and I have always had a lot of problems for this, but perhaps this also helped me a lot, focusing my parents’ attention on school problems more than on the fact that I had no girls around. After my high school diploma, I attended a very specialized semester course and there I did pretty well, even better than the other guys. At the end of the course they called me for an interview in a large Company, and against all my expectations they hired me. My parents didn’t see my new job favorably, because I would have had to go out of my region to move to a very distant place and the wages were low and my father would have had to pay for my accommodation near the Company. Anyway, then my father ended up saying yes and I left.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I had turned 22 a few months before and I finally felt free, but I was also very scared, I did a six-month internship in the Company and then they confirmed my permanent employment. The real salary was better than what I had supposed and furthermore I had no expenses, because from Monday to Saturday, for lunch, I ate at the Company canteen, but since the industrial production was continuous, there was also a canteen for dinner, and also in the morning for breakfast, but for dinner and breakfast I had to pay, but the costs were very low and the food was good and plentiful. In short, after three months, I told my father that I was able by myself to pay for my accommodation and that he would no longer have to sign for me the monthly money transfer, and he felt very relieved because my parents aren’t rich at all.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I started to look for a rented house, even a very little but a house that had to be exclusively mine, I found one not very close to the Company, more or less a kilometer and a half, 35 minutes on foot walking briskly, but it was a single house with a small piece of vegetable garden, no more than 400 m2. As soon as I could, even losing some money, I left the room I had rented and moved to my new house. I had discovered that in the Company it was possible to be available to work overtime, I had no family load and with overtime I was able not only to pay for the house but also to put some money aside and do some extra shopping (a camera, and with some effort a new PC).</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I felt like a king, but I was alone. Obviously in the Company I had started looking around, like all gay guys do, looking for others like me, but frankly they were all much older than me, all or almost married with children. In the department where I worked, the youngest one after me was 36 years old, he was bald and had a belly that came out of his belt and moreover he was probably straight. In the department we used to work hard and had no time to waste, I tried to do my best. I saw that the supervisors sometimes scolded some of the employees who had done their job wrong, but they never scolded me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">One day, unexpectedly, the shift supervisor comes to me and tells me that I know how to do my job and that I do it well. I feel very encouraged. In the sector entrusted to me I had noticed that one of the machines that I knew best was not set up in the best way and that there were operations that, with those settings, required much more time and much more human control. It occurs to me that there may be a solution, I say this to the shift supervisor who, however, does not take me too seriously and only tells me that he will talk of it to the engineer responsible for automation. I think he told me so just to say something and from this I deduce that the story is over.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Two days later the shift supervisor comes to me and tells me that Engineer Bordin (modified name) wants to talk to me at the end of the shift. I feel very gratified, at the end of the shift I wash my hands and also my face well and go to the Administration Department. The environment is luxurious but without exaggerating, I find the Engineer’s office, the secretary, a lady of about 55, tells me that the Engineer will arrive in minutes and lets me in the room to seat. I feel intimidated, there is a computer turned on with drawings of production lines and folders of papers everywhere. After not more than five minutes the Engineer arrives and here I have a heart attack, I was expecting an elderly man and instead he is a beautiful guy who in my opinion is not even thirty years old, he smiles at me immediately, we shake hands, he has a nice warm and strong hand, and then he tells me that the shift supervisor told him that the setting of an industrial machine could be changed and that I had proposed the change, and he asks me what it is. I try to explain it to him, but it is clear that these are things he doesn’t understand at all.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">At one point he asks me: “Are you sure of what you say?” I tell him that I think I’m quite sure of it but that I should do a test, that is, I should reset the machine in the new way and see what happens by letting the machine perform automatically the same work it does now, just to confirm that it is able to do everything automatically. He asks me how long the test could take, I tell him: “At most 10-15 minutes”, he tells me to do the test and to let him know if it works. If the shift supervisor has doubts or problems I have to tell him that I have been authorized by engineer responsible for automation. He adds that I have to send him a report on the outcome of the test as soon as possible, then he smiles at me, we shake newly hands and we say goodbye.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I rush to the shift supervisor who opens his arms and says to me: “Okay, but we must stop production line for the shortest time possible.” We agree that I would have done the test between 3.00 and 3.30 in the night, when the system is operating at a lower speed, just to minimize the effects caused by the interruption of the production line. I go home, I study all the technical manuals, I write the reset program, reread the programs dozens of times, then I mount the simulator on my PC and proceed to start the standard execution of the piece. It seems that everything works perfectly. I load the program on the pen and start writing the report for the Engineer, assuming that everything will work as expected even on the real machine. At half past one in the morning I leave my house and go to the Company. I send the production stop signal for 15 minutes, “due to maintenance” at 3.05 o’clock. I load the reset program, insert a piece to be worked and at 3.09.10 a perfect piece leaves the machine, even better by eye than what was obtained with the old procedure.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I leave the machine with my settings and at 3.12.00 I restart the production cycle. I take a piece made with the old technique and the one made with the new one on which I put a drop of red paint. Then I come home, complete the relationship. In practice with the new settings the time was reduced from 7 minutes and 10 seconds to 4 minutes and 10 seconds and there was no sign of work discontinuity on the piece. I go home exhausted but happy. The shift starts at 7.00 am. I go to the shift supervisor, tell him that I did the test and that it went well, he replies that he has seen a some acceleration of the line and tells me that I have done a good job. I ask him if I can go to the Engineer, he says yes and I go.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Engineer is not there but the secretary calls him on his cell phone and tells me to sit down and wait. He arrives after a few seconds, smiles at me, tells me that he is happy to see me and informs me that the shift supervisor has detected a line acceleration of almost 7%. I give him the report, he reads it or better he just looks at it, then he offers me a coffee. I’m afraid he asks me something about school, but he doesn’t, we have coffee together, then we talk a little, he asks me how long I’ve been in the Company, where I live, where I worked before, how I find myself with my work colleagues, I dare to turn the same questions to him and he answers me in a very friendly tone, he trusts me, he tells me that he is 29 years old, that he has been in the Company for three years but is very stressed from work, he doesn’t mention wife or children or girlfriends, maybe those are too personal matters, then he asks me for my cell phone number, writes it on my technical report and puts it in the drawer. Then he tells me that he is sorry to have to send me back to the ward because he sees that I’m a very good guy and he dismisses me with a stronger and warmer handshake than usual and that lasts a few moments longer than expected. I go back to my department and feel very excited.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">The shift supervisor calls me and asks me if I know also another automatic control machine, he explains that there are problems that have never been solved, and he tells me that, when I have time, I could also take a look to that machine. I tell him it’s okay.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project, I don’t go further in telling the details, in no more two months all the automatic control machines have been reset and reprogrammed to optimize the production, the times have been reduced by almost 20% and the production standard has improved. Since I’m very young, compared to their standards, my colleagues don’t look at me with envy and the supervisors encourage me a lot. I have been to the Engineer four times in a month and a very particular mutual sympathy has been created, there is only a problem, he is a manager and there is a lot of hierarchy in the company and the rules must be respected.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">To make the English language speakers understand exactly what follows, I must first explain to them that in Italian, when speaking formally with a person you don’t know and with whom you are not familiar, we don’t use the second person of the singular, but the third person of the singular “feminine” also in reference to a man. For example, to a friend you say “today you came to visit me” (that is, you use “you”) but in reference to an important person or to a person you don’t know, you have to use an expression that in English would sound more or less like this: “She came to see me today” (i.e. you use “she”)</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well, however, one evening, after a little more than two months from our first meeting, he calls me on the phone using “she” (formal speaking), I think it is for issues related to the machines, but it is not so, he talks about other things, about the life that does not satisfy, about the work that disillusiones and makes you feel stressed, about the time that passes, I think at every moment that when the preambles will be over he will start talking to me about work but it doesn’t happen. We are on the phone for over an hour, then he asks me: “Can we use the “you””? … But only outside the Company, otherwise it could sound strange.” It’s a request that makes many lights light up in my brain! I reply that it’s fine, he tells me his name is Stefano and I tell him my name is Dario. He says to me: “Thanks, Dario, it was really a pleasure to talk to you tonight, you have my cell number, if you call me it’s nice, don’t forget it!” He says these things in a very hesitant voice and this makes me very tender. I tell him. “Thanks, Stefano, I’ll show up shortly, you can count on it!”</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">When I close the phone, my eyes shine, it is clear that Stefano is gay and that between us there is already a special sympathy and furthermore he is a beautiful guy, he doesn’t put me in embarrassment at all, it’s he the one who feels embarrassed with me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">He knew my work shifts and I knew his, and we never met within the Company, because it could be embarrassing for both of us, but after another month, we got to the point that we talked on the phone every day and met one day a week, when we were both free. I used to take the bus and go to the second village on the way to the mountain and I had to wait for him just minutes, he usually arrived there by car non more than 10 minutes after me, he parked and we went around the woods, then in the evening he used to take me back home by car. It was precisely in one of these walks that we got to speak clearly, it was all much easier than I had imagined. I said to him: “Well, I think it is up to me to start the topic … I’m gay and I think I’m falling in love with you …” He looks at me and smiles with a huge smile, then says to me: “I understood it the second time we met!”</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project, don’t think that what came next was easy and trouble-free, because it was exactly the opposite. He had a lot of problems about the fact that he was 29 years old and I wasn’t 23 yet, but he didn’t show his 29 years at all, maybe my age if not even less. For my part, I had a many problems because he was an engineer and was already a manager in the Company and I acted accordingly with it, but he did not feed my problems, he didn’t at all seem to feel superior, rather, he was very shy and self-conscious. He only used to see the difference in age, which anyhow was nothing excessive, and felt guilty, as if he could rob me of my youth, that is, almost as if he could take advantage of me because I’m younger.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">One day I asked him how much he was earning and he showed me the credit e-mail of his salary. He was earning a lot more than me but not so much more than me. He could not do overtime because his contract did not include office hours but his job was subject only to the evaluation of the C.E.O., well, with his job he earned 60% more than what I could earn by doing all the possible overtime, but even if he didn’t have office hours, anyhow he used to stay at Office in the Company for 12-16 hours a day, much more than me! And then he was always stressed by work, by worries and by the fact that the top manager always kept him under pressure.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">One day we go to the usual country and since the following day is a national holiday we decide to stay there in the hotel, he has been anxious since the morning, he confesses to me that he never had sex with anyone and that he has a “fucking” (a word, that I’d never expected by him!) fear of diseases. I tell him that he does very well to be afraid of diseases and that I too have never been with anyone. He makes me swear. In the evening we go to a “widespread” hotel, that is, in practice they send us to a small separate but perfectly equipped cabin. Stefano is very anxious.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">We stretched out on the bed fully dressed but it was cold and we turned on the heating. Basically we only talked all night. I thought he had, I don’t say female friends but at least male friends and instead he didn’t have any, he didn’t use to see anyone outside the Company, except me. The parents did not know about his homosexuality and until 29 years he had thought “only” to study and work.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">When I talked about sex based on what I had learned from Gay Project, he was listening to me with extreme interest. He confessed to me his sexual fantasies: mutual masturbation, “also” oral sex, but no anal penetration, which never had existed in his fantasies and he was worried about this fact because he thought anal penetration was the fixed idea of all gay people. I looked at him in the eyes and told him that I too had never thought of having anal sex, that I had nothing against the thing in itself because people must be able to do what they want. Stefano still had the conception of sex as a forbidden game, the idea that sex was a form of love seemed strange to him, too irreverent compared to his principles.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project, you have been very useful to me, I told him many things you wrote in the Manual and he was more and more perplexed. We slept only from 5.00 until 9.00, because before 9.30 we had to have breakfast in a bar in the village. We walked in the woods for hours and occasionally there was some physical contact, that is, we held hands. He totally left me the initiative but I was afraid to take some false steps, to put him in difficulty. At one point I ask him, “Can I hug you?” He replies with his eyes while smiling and I embrace him. He was shaking, he was really in ecstasy and I was too. I felt the body of a guy who liked to let me embrace him and was happy to be embraced by me, I felt his heart beat very fast, like mine, I felt his breath on my cheek and felt that he was holding me very tightly, we stayed embraced like this for very long minutes, then we broke up, but we didn’t kiss, I wanted him to take the initiative but he didn’t.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">When we got home he asked me to show him my house, I was reluctant because everything was messy, but he insisted and then I said yes. He came in and this time he surprised me, he threw himself on my bed and said to me: “What if I sleep with you tonight?” I told him that there was only one bed and he pointed out to me that there was a reclining armchair and he would sleep there, but he needed to stay with me. We prepared a very quick dinner and then the effort of the last two days began to make itself felt: he settled on my bed, obviously fully dressed and I on the reclining armchair, even that time there was no sex at any level because we fell asleep almost immediately.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now Stefano and I have been together for three years, we formally live as singles for work reasons, that is, to keep our relationship completely outside the work environment, but we stay in contact by the phone every day and every week we spend an evening together, then the night, all the next day and also the next night, then the work week starts again, but we manage to spend two nights together every week and I see him happy, now his problems about the fact that he is older than me are completely vanished. It took us more than a year to have the first sexual contacts but then it happened, it was much less simple than I had imagined, but in the end there was an excellent harmony between us also at that level.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Unfortunately there is one thing that doesn’t make me feel comfortable and it is the stress that Stefano is subjected to, because he is literally obsessed with work. It is true that he earns more, but in my opinion the game is not worth the candle, if he changed his job he would earn less but he would be much better and we would have more time for us. I have in mind that, if he could, he would change job even at the cost of losing out economically, but at the moment the only alternative would be to be a freelancer, it could be also a concrete possibility, but it is risky and would still keep him constantly anxious.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">At school I had teachers who were engineers who did little or nothing at all, they earned little but literally did nothing at all! Now I have to try to understand how Stefano could be a teacher, I think it’s a bit complicated, but I have to understand if there is a road and which one, then I will have to try to tell him about it, because according to my opinion he wants to feel encouraged by me to take a step like that, because his parents would certainly tell him it’s madness.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">My story ends here, or rather begins here!</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I embrace you, Project, even if we don’t know each other, and I thank you for all the support you have indirectly given me.</span></span></div>
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<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dario</span></span></div>
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______________</div>
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If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum: </div>
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<a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-industrial-gay-loves" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-industrial-gay-loves</a></div>
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PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-21680865039333790222020-04-07T11:33:00.000+02:002020-04-07T11:33:57.652+02:00GAY COUPLES AND SEXUAL FANTASIES<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – Hi Project, how are you? It’s been a while since we talked</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – Fortunately, everything is pretty good here, and you?</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – Here too, and I could say very well indeed today! Do you remember me?</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – yes, I remember the story with your ex, a story which wasn’t actually over because you and your ex kept hearing from each other</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – Yes, he himself, let’s call him Andrew, and do you remember anything else? I don’t want to test your memory, but I have to understand where to resume the story from</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – I remember that Andrew also had other guys and this fact for you was not at all shocking for you</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – shocking certainly not, in short I would have liked to have him all for myself, but he is like this, he also needs something or better someone else, I think I was afraid that they could take him away from me, that is I was afraid that he would stop loving me because he was in love also with other guys, but I couldn’t ask him to leave those guys because he really loved them</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – yes, I remember these things</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – he, however, felt only half satisfied with these guys, not so much from the emotional point of view because after all they respected and loved him, but precisely from the sexual point of view</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – What do you mean? </span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – In the sense that he tried to involve them in his sexual fantasies, which are not really common, but they didn’t listen to him and in the end, for him, sex was a very mechanical thing, because it was he who had to adapt. Actually I don’t even know what he could have said about himself to those guys but I think he’s been quite explicit, as he had been with me, but I don’t know exactly. He tried a lot of times to involve me too in his fantasies, but it wasn’t so easy to me, in the end I pretended not to understand and tried to do what the other guys used to do, that is, I tried to bring him to my own ground, what in the end really happened every time, even if in the end he was only half satisfied. I have to tell you that seeing that after having sex with me he was not really satisfied put me on a lot of melancholy to the point that I tried to thin our meetings because I expected that he would be disappointed anyway. Project, I saw that you didn’t ask me questions to go more deeper and you did well. I just have to tell you that I love Andrew with all my soul, I respect him as a person, he likes sex, has sex with other guys, but I know some of those guys and they are guys who love him.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – from what you told me it was clear that your relationship with Andrew was serious. There are people who can see your story in a completely different way, it is obvious, for what it may be worth! The important thing is what you think of Andrew, because you know him very well, the rest doesn’t worth anything at all.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – well, I’ve known him for years, you can’t make a traditional couple with him, it’s different, but it’s not a less serious thing. He needs other guys, I don’t, but we love each other anyway. But you already know this and that was not what I wanted to talk to you about, I called you to talk about what happened between me and Andrew on February 29, one Saturday, before this virus affair, when it was still possible to circulate. In short, he calls me and without any preamble he tells me that he is under my house and that he wants to go up. In our language it means that he wants to have sex with me. I have often said no to him, but at that moment I was happy that he had come to me, I had missed him a lot in the last few days. He comes up to my home, you know that I live alone, he tells me he doesn’t have condoms, when he comes to me he always has them, I make a puzzled face, as if to say: so what did you come for? He knows very well that for me the idea of having sex with him without a condom is absolutely inconceivable and so he replies: Ok, we don’t even touch each other, we’ll stay at a distance each in his place two meters away from each other, but you have to come in my fantasies, you have to make me do it for once, at least in fantasy, something that is good for me, ok? I look at him and say ok! Then he adds, but let’s get to the end, please, without changing the subject. I tell him it’s okay and we masturbated in front of each other while I tell him an erotic story of the kind he likes. At first all the situation sounded strange to me, but he seemed very involved and I went on with the story which in the end seemed quite engaging to me too. I make it short. We got to the end more or less together, we were both very tired. Well, it was the first time he wasn’t disappointed, and we hadn’t even touched each other. He told me that I was beginning to understand what he needed and that he appreciated very much the fact that I had not tried to escape the matter and do the usual things, then he told me that he hadn’t brought condoms on purpose. In general, after our sex meetings, as soon as it’s done, he leaves. But on February 29 instead we cooked and dined together and he stayed in my house to sleep. We talked a lot, I saw him calm, not at all frustrated, he joked, he said nonsense, in short it was an incredible evening, before going to sleep “in his room” he told me: “I love you!” and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. Then in the following days we had a lot of work to do and stayed apart for a while without staying in touch even by phone, but it’s not a rare thing between us. We had agreed that we would meet again on March 14 (our meetings are almost always on the weekend), but the government decrees intervened and we could not move from home, neither he nor I, but the experience of February 29 was somehow replicated a couple of times via the web, which is not quite the same, but I realized that I no longer had any resistance against his fantasies and that trying to share his fantasies seemed to me much more spontaneous, that is, we were practically on the same wavelength, there was no need of speeches or preambles of any kind. Once we arrived at the end, however, we continued to talk about a thousand other things, even very far from sex, I felt him loose, relaxed, without melancholy notes. He told me about when he was a child, about “lego” constructions, but also about the long afternoons he spent alone, practically abandoned by his parents, about how he had learned to draw (which he still does now and very well) and how he had learned to play the guitar, sometimes when some melancholy thoughts were about to invade him he chased them away by doing exercises with the guitar. We spent two evenings or rather two nights talking and we felt well in a profound sense, he felt accepted, not exploited, He said to me: you are not my type, but with you I’m fine, I feel really well and I want you too to feel well, I am not in love with you but I love you. This sentence may sound strange but I know it is absolutely true. Now I hope that the restrictions on circulation will be removed as soon as possible, clearly because it would mean that the epidemic is waning, but also because I’m looking forward to see Andrew again, because for me only he exists. These are the facts. What do you think about, Project?</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – You have been happy and he too, this is the better proof that you and Andrew love each other! There is a reciprocal trust, a very uncommon way to accept one another’s rules and then he didn’t feel rejected in his most intimate fantasies, you made him understand that you didn’t feel conditioned, in short, you have put him at ease. It would be very nice if it was like that even in all the monogamous couples both gay and hetero, if there was this level of sexual availability! But believe me it is very rare. Very often in sex there are real attempts to prevaricate, attempts to impose models without ever adapting to the other</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – But I felt happy and I said to myself that I was a fool when I tried to avoid to consider his need for what it really was without giving him the opportunity to express himself as he wished, when instead I did it I saw him happy, because he didn’t feel rejected. I think that when you make your partner understand what you need and he pretends not to understand and wants to bring you on his way the feeling of frustration must be tremendous, because you bitterly feel that between you and your partner there isn’t any real feeling, that you are considered no more than a body available to the fantasies of others. In short, Project, I’m slowly learning to understand the meaning of many things that a few years ago I would have refused and would have seemed completely absurd to me. I liked without any real reason the classic couple model and I thought that I would never adapt to anything different and instead when Andrew told me that he had fallen in love with another guy but he loved me anyway I accepted this thing and I have never regretted my choice and now I learn that in order to live sexuality well, one must try to leave room for the other, respecting and accepting him. I saw him smile and it was a beautiful thing. If I love him I don’t have to say no to him for more or less stupid reasons. And then the evenings spent talking together were wonderful. I feel that he really loves me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – You have come to these conclusions but the vast majority of couples would never get there, simply because there is no real affection, or perhaps there is, but putting first the self-realization, first the selfish note. The things you say would scandalize many people, but anyway they are very true. I remember you saying that Andrew had never deceived you, well, saying this about a guy means rewarding him with the most beautiful compliment one can do. I’m not surprised that you fell in love with Andrew and even less that you never felt the need to find another guy because there is a relationship with Andrew and it is of deep ones, those which are not lost with the years.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mau85 – I knew you would understand. I told a small summary of this story on another gay site and they asked me if I was out of my mind, in the end they left me alone because they thought I was making fun of them! I’m glad to talk to you, I feel encouraged. However, if you want to publish this chat, publish it, maybe it puts someone in crisis! Thank you, Project, Gay Project has given me so much!</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Good night.</span></span></div>
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<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Project – Thanks to you! And a hug to you and Andrew!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">___________</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you want, you can participate in the discussion on this post open on the Gay Project Forum:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-couples-and-sexual-fantasies" rel="nofollow" style="background: rgba(50, 50, 50, 0.1); border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gay-couples-and-sexual-fantasies</a></span></div>
PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9197138671830046132.post-65968240901046728892019-07-31T20:30:00.000+02:002019-07-31T20:30:57.650+02:00FROM GAY COUPLE TO ENLARGED FAMILY<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hello Project,</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">we don’t know each other but I know you a little because I’ve read the forum so many times and I still read it now and I think it’s my duty to tell you my story because you also have something to do with it.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m 32 years old, I don’t know if they are many but to me they seem truly many. I can say I’m lucky because life has been very generous with me. I have parents I love, who are getting old, but it’s inevitable, they never really made me feel alone.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I never had any problems with my homosexuality, or rather, I had no problems accepting it, for me it was an obvious and natural thing, I have been involved in a few stories, but of little meaning, just when I was very young, then I dedicated myself to work in almost exclusive and I put aside my emotional world for a while. I also met gay guys but, frankly, I didn’t feel attracted to them.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, when I was 26, I met a guy, whom I will call Fulvio here (because he is a bit red in hair [in Italian the adjective “fulvo” means “reddish”]). I met him at work but he wasn’t a colleague of mine, he was working for a company that lives producing semi-finished mechanical components for the company where I work. When we met, I have to say, I didn’t feel involved with him, for me he was just a guy I had met by chance and with whom I had absolutely nothing to share. For work reasons we had the opportunity to meet several times and so we started talking a little, but about everything and nothing in particular.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">In hindsight I can say that he probably understood a lot more about me than what I understood about him. Still for work reasons we continued to see each other often and I noticed that when it happened, for me it was a pleasing thing and probably for him too, and so our mutual knowledge gradually deepened. He is a nice guy but not exactly a handsome guy, or at least he didn’t look like a handsome guy to me, so I didn’t feel attracted to him in that sense. </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">One day he was very angry, really furious, he was depressed, but very troubled, upset, aggressive, and he began to attack me, of course, only verbally. He unloaded his anger against me and I didn’t understand why. I must confess that for this reason I was uncomfortable, I did not understand the reason for his aggressiveness.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the following days he didn’t change his attitude and then he disappeared, I never saw him again and I didn’t know what to think. I kept going to his company, always for work reasons, but in his place there was a middle-aged lady and I missed Fulvio. In the end I took courage and asked news about him. They told me that he had quit his job and that he never showed up again. I didn’t have his cell phone number, I asked the lady but she didn’t give it to me and I was very upset, but one day, while I was waiting for the lady in her office, I saw that there was an open agenda. Since I knew the guy’s name I looked for it and found it, I memorized the number and then, when the lady arrived, I acted as usual, as if nothing had happened.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">When I got home I called him. He immediately asked me who had given me his number and I told him that I had stolen it, he started to set off his aggressiveness and attacked me badly and, shortly after, he closed the phone in an abrupt manner. I felt a total fool for having looked for him and I have been in a bad mood for most of the evening. Then, at around 11.00 pm he calls me back, apologizes, always a bit brusquely, asks me if I live alone or if there are others at home, I tell him that there is no one, he asks me where I live exactly, I tell him where and he replies that he will come to my house after a few minutes, I just say: ok!</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">He arrives, looks around, then asks me: “Why did you look for me?” I tell him that I hadn’t seen him for a few days and other such banalities. He stops me and says: “People don’t steal a phone number if there is no serious reason!” I feel a little put at the corner and I try to digress, he apparently changes the subject: “Do you have a girl?” I answer him: “No! And you?” He hesitates, then says, “No!” But he goes further: “So why did you look for me?” I reply in a deliberately neutral way: “Because I was fine talking to you.” Then he asks the question I never wanted to hear: “Are you gay?” I feel terrible embarrassment, but I say to him: “Yes” and I immediately add: “And you?” He waits a few seconds and then says: “Yes, but I don’t want a guy.” I answer him: “But I’m not in love with you, you’re not my type, you just seemed like an interesting guy … ” He interrupts me: “And what do you want from me?” I tell him that if he comes under my home at night there will be a reason, he looks at me with a defiant attitude: “You think you have understood everything, but you didn’t understand a shit! You only make me angry!”</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well, our relationship began like this, in practice somehow as a fight. Nothing tender, nothing affectionate, absolutely nothing sexual. He stayed at my house until after two, I suggested he could sleep at my home, obviously not in my room, but he didn’t want to hear about such proposals. His behavior destabilized me. In the following days I called him on the phone several times but he never answered. After a week he came back to my house late at night, I thought he wanted to talk a little, but he asked me if he could stay the night and he retired to the guest room and in the morning, very early, I heard he was closing the door of the house, I went to see, he had left and had left a note, with only written: “I’ll call you”.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Our relationship proceeded this way, apparently without a goal and without meaning. I didn’t understand anything about him, I didn’t know anything about him. I wondered why I had got into such a mess, I felt used and at the same time marginalized. Then a traumatic event intervened, but not at a psychological level, right at the physical level: I had a serious car accident and ended up in the hospital in a reserved prognosis for a few days. I don’t remember anything of those days, I only know that when I woke up, or better at my first re-emergence to consciousness, I had my parents and Fulvio around me. Then they told me he had been there every day as long as they allowed him to stay by my bed.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">My recovery was slow, it took me almost three months to get back into acceptable conditions, that is to walk more or less normally and he stayed three months at my house to assist me, day and night, and the first times it must have been something really heavy. But he didn’t just assist me, he sat next to me and we talked a lot, he treated me with affection. Slowly I learned to understand his world, and it was a difficult world, so difficult that I didn’t believe that such a world could exist.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">We slept in the same room, I on the orthopedic bed and he on a cot. I asked him why he had quit his job and he told me that he didn’t quit his job but they fired him because one of his bosses had tried something sexual with him and he had sent him to the hell. He told me that he stayed at my house also because he could no longer pay for the room because, without a job and without money it was absolutely impossible, and therefore he had also taken the opportunity to find a temporary accommodation. This speech struck me a lot.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">He told me very briefly about his family, if we can call it this way. His father hadn’t recognized him and, in practice, he almost never saw him, his mother died of an overdose when he was a child and he was entrusted to his grandmother who lived with a very minimal pension, then, just a few days after he turned 22, his grandmother died too, he had just found a job and shared a rented room with another guy, but shortly they fired him and he had to leave the room.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Fulvio is extremely proud, he has a dignity, he has never talked to me about money and this means that, if he stays with me, very likely he is not there for money or to find an accommodation, even if he tells the exact opposite. Among other things, in the last period of my convalescence he found another job. Precisely for this reason we were forced to arrive at a clarification. He told me he could be autonomous again and that he would leave. I began to be afraid, I knew I could not ask him to stay with me on the grounds of economic utility because such a thing would have infuriated him. He didn’t want to depend on anyone, he said to me: “Now you don’t need me anymore.”</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">It was precisely to respond to that statement that I told him I had fallen in love with him. He looked at me right in the eyes and said, “Don’t lie! I know that it’s not true!” Then I had to correct my sentence: “Well, I think I could fall in love with you, but, please, don’t go away!” He stared at me for a few seconds: “At least you didn’t say lies.” And he stayed with me. I feared that he wanted to set a deadline, for example that he would say to me: “I only stay a month.” But I immediately noticed that he had set no limits, but obviously I pretended I hadn’t noticed it, and said nothing about this. Our life together began this way.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">With the new job he had big problems, they wanted to fire him because he didn’t want to close his eyes in front of very deep forms of malpractice if not of real scam. Then he changed job and the new job was widely better, requited more time but was even better paid. For a certain period (two or three months at least) I thought that Fulvio had found a guy, because he spent a lot of time away from home, I was worried but I didn’t have the courage to ask him anything, I saw him very tired, stressed, almost physically destroyed by work.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">At one point I thought that he really had serious problems because he was home only at night and for a few hours, I could no longer bear not knowing what was happening and I asked him what he had. He looked at me, he meditated for a moment and then he said to me: “It’s right for you to know it: I have a boyfriend, if you want, I pack my bags today and leave.” I stopped him and told him: “Ok, you have a boyfriend, but why are you so stressed?” And he replied: “Because Claudio has huge problems and we are trying to solve them, I work from morning to night, I do double shifts and I can hardly see him …” That’s what he told me about Claudio, then he added: “he’s a boy refused by his family and who is coming out of bad circles, who ran away from his city because he was really afraid of the criminals who forced him to … well, you understood … “</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">He told me that Claudio had a bed for rent and that he didn’t work because he was in very bad shape. I told him: “But make him come here! With a minimum of sacrifice this house can be enough for the three of us, then we’ll see what we can do.” He looked at me quite perplexed, then said: “Do you realize what you are saying?” I replied: “Maybe not perfectly, but let’s not waste time, let’s go get him.” Claudio was really upset: skin and bones, two hours later he was at home with Fulvio. </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I gave them my room that had a double bed and I moved into the small room, they didn’t want to, but I forced them. The same afternoon we took Claudio to a very good doctor who prescribed him a series of tests and explained to us how to do in order to make Claudio be taken on charge by our region’s health service, since he comes from another region. Obviously Claudio also did the HIV test and since he hadn’t had sex for quite some time, the window period had also passed. The test gave negative results and we calmed down, after a few days we had all the clinical results in hand. In practice, Claudio carried the consequences of an untreated bronchopneumonia and full recovery would take time. Everything else was in order. </span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Claudio was then 23 years old, he was very tall but he already had a bent back and was very thin. We took care of him and saw him slowly bloom again. Fulvio was madly in love with him and seeing them together aroused great tenderness in me, with me they were absolutely natural and casual. Sometimes we used to watch television together, I in the armchair and they crouched together on the sofa. I, who in theory should have been jealous, I felt happy to see them like this.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">Almost five years have passed. We still live together, we are now a family, they are a very tender and very real gay couple, I don’t know what I am, at the beginning I was a bit of a nanny, now I’m “only” a true friend who loves them. Now Claudio also works and we share all the expenses, they have placed it as a mandatory condition to continue being together. My way of being gay is certainly strange but nevertheless I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world: their happiness is my happiness!</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">I have to add one more thing that seems very important to me. One day I was at my parents’ house, I took courage in two hands and told them the whole story. I didn’t know how they would take it. My father looked me straight in the eyes, then he stood up, he said to me: “Come here!” And hugged me tightly, then he exchanged a look of understanding with my mother and told me: “Sunday the three of you must come to have lunch here with us!” There were no other comments of any kind. On Sunday, when Fulvio and Claudio came to my parent’s home, I tell you it almost with tears in my eyes, my parents were just as happy as two kids and Fulvio and Claudio had a great time. Now every now and then mom goes to my house, cleans the house and brings us something already cooked to eat. Fulvio and Claudio have a beautiful relationship with my parents, in practice we are an extended family.</span></span></div>
<div class="mycode_align" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #323232; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="mycode_size" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: large;">That’s all, Project, of course you can put the email where you like better because there are no identifiable elements and the names have been changed. Fulvio and Claudio greet you, they too have heard of you!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">___________</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you like, you can participate in the discussion of this post, open on the Gay Project Forum: <a href="http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-from-gay-couple-to-enlarged-family" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3d9b; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.1s ease-in 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-from-gay-couple-to-enlarged-family</a></span></div>
PROGETTO GAYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14526527721413474895noreply@blogger.com0