GAY FASCINATION

Hello Project,

I am a twenty-year-old dreamer, who unfortunately has already had big bangs and still continues to fall in love with nice guys he comes in contact with. I also know that among those guys there is someone from whom I’d better keep away. Project, I have not done anything with these guys yet, but I feel attracted to them, and end up with them with seductive behaviors, in short, I court them, and I don’t even know if they are gay, some reject me and keep me away, but someone goes on talking to me and I perceive that he is also interested in me, and I don’t court a single guy at a time, but two or three, because, although differently, I like all of them. I know I should be much more attentive to what I do, because my behavior can expose me to risks, but I cannot hold back, I see a nice guy, I come near, we exchange two words and then I try to extend the conversation and sometimes I succeed. Before all this, I was in love with a guy at a time, I was willing to do anything to capture his attention, and it happened a couple of times, now I can only say that I like some guys who attract me because they are physically beautiful, are just my type of guy, but I don’t think I’m really in love with them, it’s kind of like I’ve had an evolution, I might even say at worse, from a single guy at a time to two or three at the same time, and from falling in love to being infatuated. I especially like the tenderness of these guys together with a very good male body, my ideal is a very virile guy but also very gentle, very sensitive. I don’t know if such two things can be together, in theory I think so, but the experiences I did would seem rather no. Then there are the intermediate situations: that of a beautiful guy but a bit rough and that of a sensitive guy but with a poorly cared or not strong body. In short, Project, I dream of these guys, in the drowsiness I imagine to be with them and to pamper them. I also exchange glances with strangers, and inside of me something wakes up, and I think something wakes up inside them as well, because sometimes they turn their eyes awkwardly embarrassed. Sometimes I think I have a power over men, that is, I think to fascinate them, especially the gay ones obviously, is like there is a kind of tacit understanding between us that does not manifest itself outside. With some guys there are some forms of extreme complicity, one can understand the other immediately, it is as if in their eyes I read a shy statement of love, or rather we can say, of interest, it is as if they were asking me not to go away, to stay alongside them. I’m not crazy, Project, I really think of attracting some guys very strongly, it’s a feeling I’ve been experiencing for a few months since I stopped to be afraid and desperately looking for the affection of someone who didn’t want to give me that affection. Will I become a very superficial gay guy? I don’t know. Of course I’m just having fun catching the guys just by glancing, and I can tell you it works! How do you choose a guy if you like three or four? Each one of them has something special and I don’t know who I should devote myself to. And then, Project, there’s also a negative side, since I started all these fantasies I also started studying less, I skipped two exams and I’ll have to try to stop fantasies not to stay behind whit University. I like more daydream than studying, and I like even more walking around looking for guys to fascinate. Sometimes I feel stupid but I also feel happy.

Hello Project, if you like, let me know what you think.

Henry

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