ONLY SEVEN DAYS 7
GAY NOVEL 2006
CHAPTER 7 - LAST CHAPTER
GAY NOVEL 2006
CHAPTER 7 - LAST CHAPTER
... it was 7.00 o’clock and we had two hours to spend waiting for the admission office to open... we went to the campus cafeteria... something decent, non really exceptional... then we did a tour of the campus... there was a list of student organizations recognized by the student government association: Geography, Architecture, Delta Sigma Pi Business Fraternity, Theatre, Pool Sharks, Sigma Nu fraternity, Volley Club... whatever you like... but a gay community... about 2.300 students and no gay club... but it’s a coeducational University... about 1.200 male students... at least one hundred gay students... and no gay club...
“Guys... noting about gay life here... you can find everything but gay association... it sounds a little strange... you must be careful... isn’t it?”
“Yeah... You’re right... Mike... I don’t fell at ease here... “
“Yeah... I understand but you have no choice... It will be hard to deal with but you must learn as soon as possible how to behave in this campus... let’s go to the dorm ...”, while we were going there, the conversation went about gay organizations...
“Mike, what do you think about gay organizations?”
“Gay rights associations?”
“Yeah...”
“Gay-organizations, in my opinion... right, made something good letting people understand that gay people exist... showing gay people in the streets... but I think some of them are much interested in something else... in politics, in making money with parties and public happenings... somehow in using gay people for different purposes... I don’t like such associations... they perhaps make the gay situation even worst... because people commonly associates their shows in the streets with being gay... but sometimes they go much more ahead... naked happenings in the streets... using scandal like an instrument against something... and this way there are a lot of people that could never understand that gay isn’t something abnormal... like walking naked in the streets... gay is something normal ... but this way people will never associate the gay name wit normality... and I think that would be something wrong... completely wrong...”
“But there are gay associations that aren’t this way... I got one in Canada... yes about an adult site... but everything was public except writing in the discussion board ... on this board a lot of people posted regularly... and something very interesting... nothing to do with pornography... One of them got sick and needed money for a surgery... and they paid for him... immediately and went there to support him and his family... they prayed Lord for him a lot... hoping for him to recover immediately... he was going to die just before the surgery... and his friends where really destroyed... then... after five days... his brother posted a message that surgery was over and he was recovering quickly... They made a party... and put pictures on the board and they were really happy... such things are real... really happen...”
“Certainly... and it happens when there isn’t any other purposes in gay associations... but when politics or money are mixed to gay world... the mix risks to be explosive... I think”
“You’re right... you’re right...”
We went there... it was quite a good room wit a private bathroom with a shower... two beds, two desks, two little closet with drawers... they where quite pleased... no people around... just something for them... only for them... we unpacked and set everything to the right place... it was easy... each of them got a key... a security key... I was doing everything as it was for me... but I was aware I had to go in the evening... and never go back there... or at least only exceptionally... their new life was going to star and my old life was going to restart... what was going on was the beginning for them and was the end for me... the end? ... no, not exactly... my life really changed into something new... I had firs of all to earn money... a lot of money... and for a retired man like me it was very difficult to get newly in touch with my old editors to propose a new book... and what a book? ... One of my usual love books ... or something new, something absolutely new? It was a problem? How would my old editor accept a new line? Was such a choice according to the marketing? And also... had I better to keep my feelings for myself, for David and Jason... or had I to write thinking also to the people, the gay people? The young gay people and also the older gay people... I newer proposed to my editor a gay novel... I wrote five or six... yes but for me... only for me... and published nine novels about being two... in the straight meaning... even those novels were really gay novels... but no one read them in the right way... this time I had to get out myself... as I gay writer... what I’m... I’ll choose to write not for the public but for gay people... at least I can understand them a little better... and perhaps they could also read something real about gay life... my story... my real story that was damned to finish with my life... but I have something to tell gay people... I have to tell them that our world is a good one and no one has to be worried about being gay... in the world people make a lot of horrible things to gay people... but we never will be defeated... Well, that’s my way to keep in touch with David and Jason... that’s how I have to put in practice what I learned from them... All this thoughts were already well defined in my mind... and perhaps I would face also gay-organizations... because I’m non at ease with some of them...
Eleven o’clock... everything was set up... forms had been signed... university documents had been delivered to David and Jason... nothing else lasted to do... we had to go for lunch at 13.00... out of the campus... we could have booked also to the campus self service... but I had to keep out... Campus wasn’t really crowded... we went to see the Physics building... an enormous building that smelt strange... like paraffin or oil... courses hadn’t started yet and David and Jason had four days to learn everything about campus life... My God... they were scared... too big buildings, too formal service, everything out of their usual range... The dorm like a hotel... the laboratories like something strange... the library like an enormous hall where an unreal silence reigned... and a few people moved without a word... My God... they were scared... we got out of the library...
“Mike... I never would have imagined such things... it’s terrifying... “
“Jason... no... it’s all normal... this is an university... a lot of smoke... a little roast... you have to remember that students that come here come from high school... therefore you have nothing to be worried about...”.
“But it seams the culture temple...”
“ No... culture has nothing to do with awards, or grades or colleges...”
“I don’t think so...”.
“Culture has only to do with how you can deal with the world... culture is respect and love... sometimes respect and love that are very hard to accept ... when experiences are different, social conditions are different... feelings are different... it’s very hard to respect and love someone else... it’s not a spontaneous thing... you must be training yourself, you must force yourself ... if you don’t you have nothing to do with culture no matter if you got a PHD or whatever... clearly... here you can study physics at an higher lever... yes it’s also the temple of culture somehow... but of a specific culture not of the Culture with capital letter... I’m very rhetoric today... sorry, this is a strange day for me... Jason, David... tell a word... perhaps you aren’t at ease... well... I’m sorry... My God, we are spending this way the last day together... no... I’m not at ease now... perhaps I have to go straight now... “
“We are not used to such things ... David and I ... yeah... I’m not at ease... it seams that everything we did till now is going to vanish... also our feelings with each other seam vanish... word after word... it’s terrible... its’ physically terrible... it’s strange... I don’t like such feelings... when we were at the lake everything seamed to go well... now... the atmosphere is very different... “
“Well I think I’m going now... “
“Mike... no! ... “
“You’re right... no...”
“Thanks... I don’t know why but I can’t help crying... it’s terrible... it’s terrible...”
“What’s terrible?”
“You told we where a family... but we are not... we are only strangers to each other... it was too much difficult for you to deal with us... that’s why you send us here... to get reed of us... yes clearly a quite fairly way to get read of us... but what have you in common with us... you are an older man... you hate young people because young people remind you of your totally wasted life... yeah we are young today... and you’ll be never more... that’s true... David ... I will never stay in this campus spending his money... his money not our money... He’s buying us... is not a friend of us... I don’t stand him any more... we are going to became his slaves... don’t you understand? David! ... I hate him ... what are you waiting for... you have to choose or with me or with him... perhaps we can catch some job... but our job... David! You have to choose... now! or nevermore!”
I started walking away... sadly, slowly... Jason cried and yelled out against David. David wasn’t even able to answer... I was terrified... but kept walking away... nothing happened... I turned the corner... I was destroyed... What had I to do? ... Never get involved in someone else’s live... I repeated to myself ... I wasn’t even sad about myself ... a lot of money wasted ... for nothing... and even worst I had destroyed the love story of David and Jason... two gay guys ... yes... but how far from me... just another country, another world... a world I wasn’t even allowed to approach... their world not mine... I waited for a few minutes but nothing happened... I would have got back... but there was a total silence now... everything had ended up in a minute... then I got back really but no one was there, the guys had vanished, the silence was total... I felt devastated... got back to my car and went home. My God... I was upset... I told them how difficult it could be to respect and to love someone very far from you... two gay guys that hated me... how was it possible? ... then I remembered that I had their mobile numbers... had I to call Jason... perhaps in order to scare him even more... had I to try to recover the situation or to let them go their way? ... I entered the highway... my brain was upset... I was searching for something wrong clearly from their own point of view because from my own I had nothing to hide from myself... what could have let the bomb burst? It was a money problem? Or a dignity problem? Or both of them? And was there something to do? When at home I went upstairs to the green room, that one of Jason and David... everything was empty. Steps echoed in the late afternoon... everything was in perfect order... the bed... the single bed... it seamed like David and Jason never entered the room... only an unusual amount of food in the fridge reminded me that it wasn’t a dream... only the food in the fridge and two numbers in my mobile... nothing else... I was hoping to receive a call from them... but I was hoping also just the contrary... life has its rules and I broke that rules... everything is mechanical, no matter what you want or what you like, as usually there is nothing here to decide, there’s everything to accept...
The night came, my soul was empty, an absolute quiet invaded me, physically and emotionally... my old life restarted with all its emptiness and its usual nothingness... I only had to come back to myself... my guys were out not at college as I, not they, planned... where were they now? I wasn’t even allowed to ask... they had gone their way... and all my getting afraid of their future was worth nothing... they had gone... perhaps not David... but he had to go to follow his friend and he did exactly so... not a word to add... he had to go... and Jason that shy boy... what was he hiding in his soul? ... Fear, I think just fear... fear of everybody... I probably scared him... He perhaps couldn’t even imagine everything was real... yes probably I was getting reed of them sending them to the college... but... had I really thought about buying their souls? ... No... I think I never did... but he was scared all the same... no matter my thoughts... only his thoughts where worth not mine... and I never asked really them about their future... the telephone rang... my heart skipped a beat but it was only a friend of mine to ask me to a wedding party... I told him I was sick and I had to go to the hospital to take care of my high blood pressure... but..., I had to ad this “but”, but my doctor told me I could get back home in two or three days... When I hung up I was perplexed... I never lied to a friend... I wasn’t a liar... I only had to stop that conversation, I wasn’t able to stand it... I had to go back to Jason... was he really hating me? For fear or whatever else but was he really hating me? ... And David that poor David who was desperate... the mobile rang... David!!! ... Oh my God!
- Hallo Mike... we are in our room at college... Jason has been crying desperately all the day long... I’m very concerned and worried... it was impossible to calm him down... he cried desperately, shivered... Mike... I think he’s not able to control himself ... I never saw him this way... Mike, I fear for his mental health, he seams panic-stricken... I’m worried he could commit suicide... Mike... come here... come here Mike... now... immediately... perhaps it could help... perhaps it could help... now Mike... now... I’ll call you ... I have to go now...
- I’ll get there as soon as possible...
I jumped off the bed and three minutes lather I was newly riding my car... I had to go there as soon as possible... I had to go there... and I was frightened... how to help... was Jason really aware of himself? ... He was probably stressed... he had a lot of problems to deal with... He wasn’t a boy... he was a real man with all his problems... a man who was never a boy... a desperate man... my brain started melting... but I had to control myself... I got finally out of the highway and turned to the campus ... David called back ...
- Where are you?
- Just parking the car...
- I can see you from my window... stop in the hall... you are not allowed to come to our room till seven o clock... nevertheless I could ask the receptionist to let you go... you only have to show him your documents... ok?
- Ok.
A second later the receptionist’s telephone rang... he nodded me to approach the desk and give him documents... then he put my license into a mail box with the number 891 and gave me a form to sign with all the rules visitors had to follow... then showed me the lift and told only “eighth floor”. I nodded him back and entered the lift... while rising mi heart skipped another beat... David was waiting for me on the door... he let me in and closed the door. Jason was on his bed fully clothed... but his clothes seamed dirty and moody... his eyes where closed... I took hold of his hand... he instinctively withdrew the hand but the opened his eyes and started crying and gripped my hand tightly... I think heaven can’t be so much different from that moment... then I caressed his forehead and his hair... he was going to tell something but a nodded to be quiet because it was a quarter past five... he nodded back... David sat down nearby... Jason started newly crying, I took hold of the tip of his nose and he flashed me his sweetest childish smile. Not a single word was spoken till seven o’clock then the bell rang in the corridor and some noise started being heard...
- I’ll wait for you down the hall and we’ll go for breakfast... take your time...
Ten minutes later they were in the all ... shaved and smiling... the receptionist gave me back my license and we went for breakfast... Jason in the middle, David on his right and I on his left. The night, an horrible night was over and I was tired as hell... the coffee helped, I would have had another coffee but I didn’t... my hearth beat was regular as if nothing had happened at all... Jason was silent... I had to break that silence...
- Jason... I’m happy now...
- Me too... me too, really...
- I don’t know what to tell...
- Mike...
- Yes...
- Can you stay here a couple of days?
- Certainly... no problem...
- Good... Mike... am I mad... something pathological? Tell me the truth...
- You need love... all of us need love... and am I something pathological when I can’t even live without Jason and David? ... Certainly... somehow I’m something pathological... right... but I need love... nothing else... I need love... just like you Jason... just like you...
- Sometimes I feel like I were upset by your presence... I need love... yes but I don’t even understand what love could be... it’s hard to me to accept you can love us... love not lust after... just love...
- Jason... I don’t know if...
- No, Mike, no! Just love... nothing else... loving David or at least be friends with David is something usual... I can understand or I think I can understand why he loves me... he can at least pursue his own purpose... but you Mike... what are you searching for? Why are you here now? ... I had to put you down yesterday... I had to... but then I felt terrible... Why? Do you know why? ... Just stay here a couple of days... and I’ll find out why... I think I’ll find out...
“Guys... noting about gay life here... you can find everything but gay association... it sounds a little strange... you must be careful... isn’t it?”
“Yeah... You’re right... Mike... I don’t fell at ease here... “
“Yeah... I understand but you have no choice... It will be hard to deal with but you must learn as soon as possible how to behave in this campus... let’s go to the dorm ...”, while we were going there, the conversation went about gay organizations...
“Mike, what do you think about gay organizations?”
“Gay rights associations?”
“Yeah...”
“Gay-organizations, in my opinion... right, made something good letting people understand that gay people exist... showing gay people in the streets... but I think some of them are much interested in something else... in politics, in making money with parties and public happenings... somehow in using gay people for different purposes... I don’t like such associations... they perhaps make the gay situation even worst... because people commonly associates their shows in the streets with being gay... but sometimes they go much more ahead... naked happenings in the streets... using scandal like an instrument against something... and this way there are a lot of people that could never understand that gay isn’t something abnormal... like walking naked in the streets... gay is something normal ... but this way people will never associate the gay name wit normality... and I think that would be something wrong... completely wrong...”
“But there are gay associations that aren’t this way... I got one in Canada... yes about an adult site... but everything was public except writing in the discussion board ... on this board a lot of people posted regularly... and something very interesting... nothing to do with pornography... One of them got sick and needed money for a surgery... and they paid for him... immediately and went there to support him and his family... they prayed Lord for him a lot... hoping for him to recover immediately... he was going to die just before the surgery... and his friends where really destroyed... then... after five days... his brother posted a message that surgery was over and he was recovering quickly... They made a party... and put pictures on the board and they were really happy... such things are real... really happen...”
“Certainly... and it happens when there isn’t any other purposes in gay associations... but when politics or money are mixed to gay world... the mix risks to be explosive... I think”
“You’re right... you’re right...”
We went there... it was quite a good room wit a private bathroom with a shower... two beds, two desks, two little closet with drawers... they where quite pleased... no people around... just something for them... only for them... we unpacked and set everything to the right place... it was easy... each of them got a key... a security key... I was doing everything as it was for me... but I was aware I had to go in the evening... and never go back there... or at least only exceptionally... their new life was going to star and my old life was going to restart... what was going on was the beginning for them and was the end for me... the end? ... no, not exactly... my life really changed into something new... I had firs of all to earn money... a lot of money... and for a retired man like me it was very difficult to get newly in touch with my old editors to propose a new book... and what a book? ... One of my usual love books ... or something new, something absolutely new? It was a problem? How would my old editor accept a new line? Was such a choice according to the marketing? And also... had I better to keep my feelings for myself, for David and Jason... or had I to write thinking also to the people, the gay people? The young gay people and also the older gay people... I newer proposed to my editor a gay novel... I wrote five or six... yes but for me... only for me... and published nine novels about being two... in the straight meaning... even those novels were really gay novels... but no one read them in the right way... this time I had to get out myself... as I gay writer... what I’m... I’ll choose to write not for the public but for gay people... at least I can understand them a little better... and perhaps they could also read something real about gay life... my story... my real story that was damned to finish with my life... but I have something to tell gay people... I have to tell them that our world is a good one and no one has to be worried about being gay... in the world people make a lot of horrible things to gay people... but we never will be defeated... Well, that’s my way to keep in touch with David and Jason... that’s how I have to put in practice what I learned from them... All this thoughts were already well defined in my mind... and perhaps I would face also gay-organizations... because I’m non at ease with some of them...
Eleven o’clock... everything was set up... forms had been signed... university documents had been delivered to David and Jason... nothing else lasted to do... we had to go for lunch at 13.00... out of the campus... we could have booked also to the campus self service... but I had to keep out... Campus wasn’t really crowded... we went to see the Physics building... an enormous building that smelt strange... like paraffin or oil... courses hadn’t started yet and David and Jason had four days to learn everything about campus life... My God... they were scared... too big buildings, too formal service, everything out of their usual range... The dorm like a hotel... the laboratories like something strange... the library like an enormous hall where an unreal silence reigned... and a few people moved without a word... My God... they were scared... we got out of the library...
“Mike... I never would have imagined such things... it’s terrifying... “
“Jason... no... it’s all normal... this is an university... a lot of smoke... a little roast... you have to remember that students that come here come from high school... therefore you have nothing to be worried about...”.
“But it seams the culture temple...”
“ No... culture has nothing to do with awards, or grades or colleges...”
“I don’t think so...”.
“Culture has only to do with how you can deal with the world... culture is respect and love... sometimes respect and love that are very hard to accept ... when experiences are different, social conditions are different... feelings are different... it’s very hard to respect and love someone else... it’s not a spontaneous thing... you must be training yourself, you must force yourself ... if you don’t you have nothing to do with culture no matter if you got a PHD or whatever... clearly... here you can study physics at an higher lever... yes it’s also the temple of culture somehow... but of a specific culture not of the Culture with capital letter... I’m very rhetoric today... sorry, this is a strange day for me... Jason, David... tell a word... perhaps you aren’t at ease... well... I’m sorry... My God, we are spending this way the last day together... no... I’m not at ease now... perhaps I have to go straight now... “
“We are not used to such things ... David and I ... yeah... I’m not at ease... it seams that everything we did till now is going to vanish... also our feelings with each other seam vanish... word after word... it’s terrible... its’ physically terrible... it’s strange... I don’t like such feelings... when we were at the lake everything seamed to go well... now... the atmosphere is very different... “
“Well I think I’m going now... “
“Mike... no! ... “
“You’re right... no...”
“Thanks... I don’t know why but I can’t help crying... it’s terrible... it’s terrible...”
“What’s terrible?”
“You told we where a family... but we are not... we are only strangers to each other... it was too much difficult for you to deal with us... that’s why you send us here... to get reed of us... yes clearly a quite fairly way to get read of us... but what have you in common with us... you are an older man... you hate young people because young people remind you of your totally wasted life... yeah we are young today... and you’ll be never more... that’s true... David ... I will never stay in this campus spending his money... his money not our money... He’s buying us... is not a friend of us... I don’t stand him any more... we are going to became his slaves... don’t you understand? David! ... I hate him ... what are you waiting for... you have to choose or with me or with him... perhaps we can catch some job... but our job... David! You have to choose... now! or nevermore!”
I started walking away... sadly, slowly... Jason cried and yelled out against David. David wasn’t even able to answer... I was terrified... but kept walking away... nothing happened... I turned the corner... I was destroyed... What had I to do? ... Never get involved in someone else’s live... I repeated to myself ... I wasn’t even sad about myself ... a lot of money wasted ... for nothing... and even worst I had destroyed the love story of David and Jason... two gay guys ... yes... but how far from me... just another country, another world... a world I wasn’t even allowed to approach... their world not mine... I waited for a few minutes but nothing happened... I would have got back... but there was a total silence now... everything had ended up in a minute... then I got back really but no one was there, the guys had vanished, the silence was total... I felt devastated... got back to my car and went home. My God... I was upset... I told them how difficult it could be to respect and to love someone very far from you... two gay guys that hated me... how was it possible? ... then I remembered that I had their mobile numbers... had I to call Jason... perhaps in order to scare him even more... had I to try to recover the situation or to let them go their way? ... I entered the highway... my brain was upset... I was searching for something wrong clearly from their own point of view because from my own I had nothing to hide from myself... what could have let the bomb burst? It was a money problem? Or a dignity problem? Or both of them? And was there something to do? When at home I went upstairs to the green room, that one of Jason and David... everything was empty. Steps echoed in the late afternoon... everything was in perfect order... the bed... the single bed... it seamed like David and Jason never entered the room... only an unusual amount of food in the fridge reminded me that it wasn’t a dream... only the food in the fridge and two numbers in my mobile... nothing else... I was hoping to receive a call from them... but I was hoping also just the contrary... life has its rules and I broke that rules... everything is mechanical, no matter what you want or what you like, as usually there is nothing here to decide, there’s everything to accept...
The night came, my soul was empty, an absolute quiet invaded me, physically and emotionally... my old life restarted with all its emptiness and its usual nothingness... I only had to come back to myself... my guys were out not at college as I, not they, planned... where were they now? I wasn’t even allowed to ask... they had gone their way... and all my getting afraid of their future was worth nothing... they had gone... perhaps not David... but he had to go to follow his friend and he did exactly so... not a word to add... he had to go... and Jason that shy boy... what was he hiding in his soul? ... Fear, I think just fear... fear of everybody... I probably scared him... He perhaps couldn’t even imagine everything was real... yes probably I was getting reed of them sending them to the college... but... had I really thought about buying their souls? ... No... I think I never did... but he was scared all the same... no matter my thoughts... only his thoughts where worth not mine... and I never asked really them about their future... the telephone rang... my heart skipped a beat but it was only a friend of mine to ask me to a wedding party... I told him I was sick and I had to go to the hospital to take care of my high blood pressure... but..., I had to ad this “but”, but my doctor told me I could get back home in two or three days... When I hung up I was perplexed... I never lied to a friend... I wasn’t a liar... I only had to stop that conversation, I wasn’t able to stand it... I had to go back to Jason... was he really hating me? For fear or whatever else but was he really hating me? ... And David that poor David who was desperate... the mobile rang... David!!! ... Oh my God!
- Hallo Mike... we are in our room at college... Jason has been crying desperately all the day long... I’m very concerned and worried... it was impossible to calm him down... he cried desperately, shivered... Mike... I think he’s not able to control himself ... I never saw him this way... Mike, I fear for his mental health, he seams panic-stricken... I’m worried he could commit suicide... Mike... come here... come here Mike... now... immediately... perhaps it could help... perhaps it could help... now Mike... now... I’ll call you ... I have to go now...
- I’ll get there as soon as possible...
I jumped off the bed and three minutes lather I was newly riding my car... I had to go there as soon as possible... I had to go there... and I was frightened... how to help... was Jason really aware of himself? ... He was probably stressed... he had a lot of problems to deal with... He wasn’t a boy... he was a real man with all his problems... a man who was never a boy... a desperate man... my brain started melting... but I had to control myself... I got finally out of the highway and turned to the campus ... David called back ...
- Where are you?
- Just parking the car...
- I can see you from my window... stop in the hall... you are not allowed to come to our room till seven o clock... nevertheless I could ask the receptionist to let you go... you only have to show him your documents... ok?
- Ok.
A second later the receptionist’s telephone rang... he nodded me to approach the desk and give him documents... then he put my license into a mail box with the number 891 and gave me a form to sign with all the rules visitors had to follow... then showed me the lift and told only “eighth floor”. I nodded him back and entered the lift... while rising mi heart skipped another beat... David was waiting for me on the door... he let me in and closed the door. Jason was on his bed fully clothed... but his clothes seamed dirty and moody... his eyes where closed... I took hold of his hand... he instinctively withdrew the hand but the opened his eyes and started crying and gripped my hand tightly... I think heaven can’t be so much different from that moment... then I caressed his forehead and his hair... he was going to tell something but a nodded to be quiet because it was a quarter past five... he nodded back... David sat down nearby... Jason started newly crying, I took hold of the tip of his nose and he flashed me his sweetest childish smile. Not a single word was spoken till seven o’clock then the bell rang in the corridor and some noise started being heard...
- I’ll wait for you down the hall and we’ll go for breakfast... take your time...
Ten minutes later they were in the all ... shaved and smiling... the receptionist gave me back my license and we went for breakfast... Jason in the middle, David on his right and I on his left. The night, an horrible night was over and I was tired as hell... the coffee helped, I would have had another coffee but I didn’t... my hearth beat was regular as if nothing had happened at all... Jason was silent... I had to break that silence...
- Jason... I’m happy now...
- Me too... me too, really...
- I don’t know what to tell...
- Mike...
- Yes...
- Can you stay here a couple of days?
- Certainly... no problem...
- Good... Mike... am I mad... something pathological? Tell me the truth...
- You need love... all of us need love... and am I something pathological when I can’t even live without Jason and David? ... Certainly... somehow I’m something pathological... right... but I need love... nothing else... I need love... just like you Jason... just like you...
- Sometimes I feel like I were upset by your presence... I need love... yes but I don’t even understand what love could be... it’s hard to me to accept you can love us... love not lust after... just love...
- Jason... I don’t know if...
- No, Mike, no! Just love... nothing else... loving David or at least be friends with David is something usual... I can understand or I think I can understand why he loves me... he can at least pursue his own purpose... but you Mike... what are you searching for? Why are you here now? ... I had to put you down yesterday... I had to... but then I felt terrible... Why? Do you know why? ... Just stay here a couple of days... and I’ll find out why... I think I’ll find out...
THE END
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